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can't you have any privacy these days?

(8 Posts)
sammyjayneex Tue 10-May-16 14:41:41

So had my health visitor appointment as I'm 37 weeks pregnant. I never had this with my 4 girls. I only allowed it to be polite and fear of IF I refused they could use it against me and maybe they had something to offer me in terms of support. But anyway they came and they don't really give you much in terms of support and all they seem to do is ask intrusive questions that many woman probably wouldn't want to answer! Why can't they just come and ask about YOU in general and your plans for the baby? They ask all info on babies father (not that it's a problem to ask that) but what if you didn't want to provide that info or you were going through a difficult time with the father? They ask for his address and details and all that. Why? It's got absolutely nothing to do with them. He main concern should be mother and baby. I don't mind answering their questions but there are things that don't need to be asked and put you 'on the spot'
Is any of this info actually confidential?

MintyBojingles Tue 10-May-16 14:56:20

They are probably just trying to make sure that he's no threat to the baby.., they might be a little over zealous in approach, but they are trying to watch out for you & baby.

Chlobee87 Tue 10-May-16 15:06:33

I don't really have an issue with it to be honest. I know some people see it differently but I'm of the opinion that I've got nothing to hide so I'll answer the questions no problem. Unfortunately a lot of babies are born into abusive or dangerous households. It's also well documented that a lot of DV begins during pregnancy and around childbirth so presumably this is part of the reason why they want to check people out. I'm glad that there are safeguards in place to protect vulnerable women and children.

It's interesting how people view it differently though. I've got my first HV appointment next week and my DH wasn't overly pleased that they were coming to the house as he felt like we were being checked out. Not that there's any cause for concern, he just feels that it's intrusive and as though we're being eyed with suspicion. I suppose people just see it differently.

sammyjayneex Tue 10-May-16 15:11:56

I do think it's great that they are trying to safe guard woman and children. It's nice to know there are people looking out for us but what if a lady just wanted to keep the stage private? Let's say she had a short term relationship with the man and he wasn't interested and she just didn't want to talk about it and she gets put on the spot about it? And why ask all the details about him like his address ect? What if the woman had a one night stand and didn't have any details about him and didn't want to tell them that? She also asked if I had any drug or alcohol problems ( I certainly haven't) but what if someone has previously had problems and just wanted to put it behind her and start a new life with her baby? She would be put on the spot with that question and then risk having SS or something involved.

Mummyme87 Tue 10-May-16 22:50:46

Because all of those issues you mention are safeguarding issues. Can't do right for doing wrong

AnnaMarlowe Tue 10-May-16 22:54:15

Sammy there are good reasons to ask all those questions.

They aren't asking for fun.

OrchidLilly14 Tue 10-May-16 23:04:56

I found my HV very intrusive and patronising in her approach towards me being a first-time Mum, but even though I wasn't 100% sure about some of the questions she was asking me, I knew she was trying to make sure both partner, baby and I were safe and supported!!

It was just a shame her attitude and tone of voice didn't represent that!!

LurcioAgain Tue 10-May-16 23:07:42

I remember having an interesting conversation with my midwife about this at my booking visit (single parent by choice so no man on the scene). In my naivety, thinking of the "oh I walked into a door" response that seems to be the (probably unrealistic) stereotyped view of women's responses on being asked about bruises, I asked whether they ever had any woman disclose DV on the basis of being asked at a booking visit, and she said "you'd be surprised how many - often it's the first time anyone has asked them plainly rather than skirting round the subject, and the first time they've been given an opportunity to talk about it in a calm, non-judgemental atmosphere". So yes, there is a reason for it, and it does work as a strategy.

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