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Advice on same sex pregnancy

(14 Posts)
emma181 Mon 09-May-16 15:54:43

I'm in a same sex relationship (women) and we'd like to have a baby sometime in the next 2 years. We've been together for 2 and a half years now and have just bought our first home, which has eaten up pretty much all of our savings. So I guess the question is:

Is there any help for couples like us?

Whilst I realize that the NHS shouldn't have to pay for us to conceive and that there are people out there that need this more than us, but we have no way of doing this the conventional way. It took my parents (hetrosexual couple) over 3 years to have me and we just don't / will not have the money any time soon to pay for anywhere near this length of time.

Neither of us have children and we both work full time, my partner is nearly 40 and I'm nearly 30, so i guess you could say time is of the essence because let's face it ladies, no one wants to be an old mum.

Now I know that some will be thinking why didn't you use the money to conceive instead of buying a house, but I guess we're old fashioned, for us it's important to have a stable home before even thinking of bringing a child into it. So if there is any kind of advice or help you could point me in the direction of, it would be very much appreciated.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Mon 09-May-16 16:02:44

Do you have any male friends that would be willing sperm donors? It's a big ask but the conception wouldn't have to cost anything if you inseminate yourself with donor sperm.( Assuming you have no fertility issues.)
It is possible to chart your ovulation by taking your temperature daily so you can be more successful with fertilisation.

emma181 Mon 09-May-16 16:22:44

I don't have any fertility issues i'm aware of, I've never tried or been pregnant but I shouldn't see there being any problems. In regards to male friends, it is something I considered but I don't have many male friends, and don't think I could rely on them to relinquish any claims. My partner and I want to be the sole parents, which is why we'd like to use an anonymous donor (Obviously from a safe source).

Also I didn't know you could monitor your ovulation cycle through your temperature, that's very handy to know smile

Sanch1 Mon 09-May-16 18:06:22

What ilostit said. If you start tracking your cycle now, with temping and ovulation sticks, you'll have a really good idea of what day of your cycle you ovulate, then you can time inseminating yourself with donor sperm, purchased or otherwise, at the right time. Try the conception board for advice on temping and ovulation tracking.

FuzzyOwl Mon 09-May-16 18:12:06

I would book an appointment to see your doctor to see if you are able to get any fertility assistance. Good luck.

TheTartOfAsgard Mon 09-May-16 18:25:51

I used to work in obs/gynae for the NHS. As far as I remember, you will only be eligible for fertility treatment on the NHS is if you have been trying unsuccessfully for a year+ to get pregnant. I'm not up to date on policies so this could well have changed but I don't think that you would qualify only based on being in a same sex relationship, as there are no real fertility issues.

Have you looked into anonymous sperm donors? Don't know how expensive it is but there are plenty of websites if you google.

scaevola Mon 09-May-16 18:31:40

You might find the posters with greater experience of TTC in the conception topic

Frettchen Mon 09-May-16 18:33:56

I was able to minimise IVF costs by donating some of my eggs. I still had to pay for the donor sperm from the European Sperm Bank, but I got a lot of the procedure paid for. No major fertility issues for me other than the lack of a male partner.

If you want any info about how it all happened I have a rather long thread here or feel free to PM me with any questions. It won't be the same everywhere and I'm no expert but I can tell you what it was like for me.

Britnyspears Mon 09-May-16 18:56:32

My lesbian friends had a baby. They used a website to find a donor (sorry not sure of name) they contacted a donor on the site who traveled to them when my friend was ovulating. She used an app to track it- ovia is good. They had a contract drawn up by a solictor and met with the guy several times. He had done it before, was gay himself and was legit. It only took them several attempts.
Good luck!

Britnyspears Mon 09-May-16 19:00:25

I forgot to add- they used artificial insemination at their own home- not sex!!!
Also Try posting on the Insemination boards in the "becoming a parent" section.

HermioneWeasley Mon 09-May-16 19:06:43

No, no no! You don't buy sperm off the Internet or invite some stranger into your house to have a wank when you're fertile. FFS.

IUI (donor insemination) is much cheaper than IVF and there's no reason why that wouldn't be suitable if there are no underlying fertility issues.

Get an appointment at your local reproductive medicine clinic and do it properly - some things like your health and the health of your unborn child are worth a few hundred quid. Having kids is expensive - maternity leave, childcare etc - the cost of a few rounds of IUI is a drop in the ocean.

Good luck!

Just5minswithDacre Mon 09-May-16 20:59:11

If you can say which region you're based in, you'll probably get some clinic/consultant recommendations. When I was looking at IUI, I was amazed how much prices varied. But IUI is as a pp said much cheaper than IVF and that (plus nice safe clinic-screened sperm) should be all you need, so gather a range of recommendations from different sources then look at fee schedules.

Just5minswithDacre Mon 09-May-16 21:02:34

(BTW if you can avoid falling into smug mummy stuff like "we're old fashioned so we think the best way to approach parenting is...." even before conception, you'll be in good habits for NCT and the playground where that stuff blows up into smiling feuds wink)

JessieMcJessie Wed 11-May-16 12:59:05

You might also want to steer clear of the "nobody wants to be an old Mum" digs. Quite a few of us on MN are over 40 and pregnant, TTC or new mothers and very happy with our lives, thanks very much.

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