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Pregnant and crying (mc warning)

(20 Posts)
chelle792 Thu 28-Apr-16 03:54:39

I've just had a bfp, dh is away. This is the first month of trying after taking a break ttc. Had a mmc in the summer.

I don't know where to post but just feel so alone. This is a much wanted baby but I just feel hollow and full of doom.

FuckFaulknerILikeTheGruffalo Thu 28-Apr-16 04:22:55

Hi lovely, didn't want to read and run. So sorry you didn't get the news you wanted from your test, especially given the horrible circumstances. flowers

It's a really hard thing, to try to stay optimistic when you just feel crushed, but you and your DH will get there. Just try to speak to him when you can for some comfort and try to keep yourself busy until he's back. You can regroup then.

TTC is really stressful and can really take a toll when you get BFNs. Can feel like one obstacle after another, but you'll get there. It is really normal to feel this way, so I think you just need to allow yourself some headspace before you can find your resolve again.

I am tired as fuck so I hope that made sense! flowers

icklekid Thu 28-Apr-16 04:28:53

Ummmm I think the op is pregnant! Congratulations! I spent my entire first pregnancy convinced I was going to mc, I was terrified even at 38/39 weeks. I can't pretend to understand the mix of emotions you are going through but it is normal. Hopefully when your dh is back you can both share the excitement of a new baby. Be really open and honest with your midwife from the start so they can support you as best they can. flowers

FuckFaulknerILikeTheGruffalo Thu 28-Apr-16 04:35:57

Oh my goodness OP!! Shows just how tired I am!!

BFP! Wonderful!! Congratulations!

I've been there with the MC first time, impending doom after feeling. It is totally normal, as ickle says. It feels a mess. I thought "what have I done?? What will I do?? Can I face this?" Just remember you have a wonderful thing happening now, you've had a success and it's a joy, and yes, let your midwife know so you can feel as reassured as possible throughout. Keep your chin up and try to relax!

chelle792 Thu 28-Apr-16 04:49:22

fuck you've made me cry smile I'm smiling - it's good, you've articulated my feelings exactly.

I feel like I've made a decision which is going to result in more heartbreak. I'm so scared, I feel like this was a really stupid decision.

The miscarriage crushed my dh. I can't do that to him again.

Being home alone has never sucked so much

FuckFaulknerILikeTheGruffalo Thu 28-Apr-16 05:02:41

What you have to remember is that you both have made this decision to try again. And it has worked. You need to hold onto that, even when you're scared for how your DH may feel. This is something you both wanted, and you got it.

To be totally honest, if you don't over-analyse every tummy rumble, aren't tempted to go mad on private scans, and have long conversations with "peanut" about how they better behave themselves in there, you will be coping better than most that have lost then tried again.

You're really brave. It's really impossibly daunting to face going through that again, but you're here now, and you have to believe that all will be well. Hopefully you can let go a bit and feel happy.

I never did it, but always wished I had some sort of talking therapy/counselling. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea if it were available?

It is a very hard thing to put your big girl pants on for, of course it is. No wonder you want a big cry. You were brave enough to try again though and that says a lot about what you can handle.

Remember: Yay!

chelle792 Thu 28-Apr-16 05:10:28

I can't really analyse the cramps because I had them almost permanently last time and am really nauseous already, like last time. Maybe I should worry that the symptoms are similar but it all feels ok.

I guess I was hoping for a couple of months to get used to the idea of ttc. We only dtd twice!

I'm seeing my therapist monday, she's awesome and has been a rock, an expensive rock, throughout this whole thing.

Ok, I'm smiling now

FuckFaulknerILikeTheGruffalo Thu 28-Apr-16 05:19:11

Ahh I bet you feel caught out at only twice!

Therapist - fab!

Smiles - fab!

I hope a wee bit of sleep/rest/uber boxset binging/cuppa tea (no idea what timezone you're in!) is on the cards too. I know it's all really confusing to feel all of what you are, but for today take the win would be my advice brew

chelle792 Thu 28-Apr-16 05:21:41

It's currently 5.20am. I've just had hot chocolate and toast. Last time by now I was already heaving at the smell of toast. (I know, I know, even before af was due!!)

FuckFaulknerILikeTheGruffalo Thu 28-Apr-16 05:30:43

Ah same for me on the time. And that is some on-the-ball morning sickness, hormones are wonderfully awful little buggers.

I'm off to bed, as I have no idea why I'm up so late but glad that I was and hope you get some sleep and feel a bit stronger when you wake up flowers

I'm sure other posters will find this thread when they're up and about too.

Take care, lovely

chelle792 Thu 28-Apr-16 05:33:36

Thankyou for your support. I'm amazed you haven't gone to bed yet! I've been asleep and woken so it feels.like early morning rather than late night! And it's light outside! Sleep well

AndSoWeBeatOn Thu 28-Apr-16 05:53:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chelle792 Thu 28-Apr-16 06:03:30

Thankyou. I think mostly it's the shock and being alone which got to me earlier

QforCucumber Thu 28-Apr-16 06:17:18

Another one who has been there so feeling your thoughts. 3 years ago i had mmc at 8 weeks. Am currently sat with s 5 week old chewing on my boob.
Noone could tell me why the mmc happened, and I can honestly say the worry doesn't go away. I had a private scan with this one at 9 weeks, all fine but started googling, stupid idea - stay the hell away from.Google! 12 week scan (at 13+5, wait was torture) showed all ok, settled my mind for a day. At 16 weeks all my symptoms disappeared, panic again. Feeling him moving at 19 weeks - now that's what made me think it could actuallt be happening and real, only then did I start to embrace the pregnancy.
What in trying to say is the thoughts you're having, the terrifying, overwhelming fear is normal. You need to tell your dp as you really need his support now.

chelle792 Thu 28-Apr-16 08:22:46

Thankyou for your message. Lovely to hear about your little one. I've told dh, he was happy. He'll be home Saturday. The shock has worn off a little but it still feels strange

Eastend2015 Thu 28-Apr-16 15:33:37

Congratulations chelle! There is a "pregnant after miscarriage" thread on here somewhere (sorry crap with links!) and there are lots of us on there. Hopefully it'll make you feel less alone [hugs!]

chelle792 Thu 28-Apr-16 20:42:48

Thankyou, I think I need a place. I'll hunt for it now

Helbelle75 Thu 28-Apr-16 21:40:18

Congratulations chelle. It's my first pregnancy and I'm pretty much constantly hoping that everything's ok. I think it's fairly normal. I had my midwife appointment today which was reassuring.

chelle792 Thu 28-Apr-16 21:44:27

Congratulations on your first pregnancy! flowers i feel a little bit cheated - the joy isn't coming in yet. MC just steals the innocence of pregnancy, I think

SingingMyOwnSpecialSong Thu 28-Apr-16 22:04:34

Congratulations chelle. I too had a MMC with my first pregnancy, discovered at our 12 week scan. It is such an awful thing to go through and I wish you all the best with this pregnancy.

My second pregnancy gave us our beautiful daughter, now 15 months and asleep in our room. I was terrified throughout my pregnancy with her, not helped by having spotting at around the same stage as in my first pregnancy and a stupid GP who whispered to me 'it's probably not good news' before I had even given her my symptoms when I went to ask for HGC blood tests. They did really help, as I only had a week to worry between results and we also had a 9 week reassurance scan at our fabulous local EPU.

I was convinced at every scan that there would be bad news but tried to also enjoy being pregnant. I kept reminding myself (and DH) that I was statistically no more likely to have a MC than anyone else and found the pregnant after miscarriage threads quite helpful, although I mainly lurked. I loved it once she started moving as I felt more confident I would know if something was wrong. She also got us an extra scan by refusing to cooperate for her 20 week anomaly scan and another by having a lazy day at 34 weeks so we got to see her lots.

All the best again. flowers

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