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Sister is pregnant... And I'm not happy

(109 Posts)
Fluttershy04 Sat 23-Apr-16 19:54:43

My sister announced this week that she is pregnant, after ttc for a few years. I should be overjoyed and feel AWFUL that I don't feel that way. I want to be excited for her but I feel anything but excitement. I have a little boy and when I announced my pregnancy my sister was beyond amazing so you can't imagine how guilty I am feeling knowing that I don't feel ecstatic for her. Over the past few weeks I've been talking to family and telling them that I want another baby and I am getting my implant removed next month so me and my OH can start trying. I couldn't wait to get pregnant and add to our family. But now I feel like I can't get pregnant because I will be 'stealing her thunder' or that she might resent me because all of the attention should be on her. I feel like I have to put growing my family on hold. And also I feel like if I do get pregnant no one will care because she is pregnant with her first and it's all new and I've already had a baby. Believe me, I do not want to feel this jealousy. Perhaps I deserve to feel this way because I am younger than my sister and when I got pregnant she did feel as though she should have gotten pregnant first because she's older. I haven't let on to anyone that I feel upset and jealous because I know it's her time and talking about these feelings won't go down well. I just want some friendly words to make me feel better. I know I'm a horrible person.

Imperialleather2 Sat 23-Apr-16 19:57:49

Not friendly but grow the fuck.up.

Why do you have to wait to have a baby? Imagine how hard it was for your sister if she was ttc when you got pregnant yet you say she was lovely.

You sound very precious and childish.

Thebrowntrout Sat 23-Apr-16 19:58:53

Have to agree with imperialleather on this one ...

allegretto Sat 23-Apr-16 19:59:06

You are being ridiculous.

NoCapes Sat 23-Apr-16 19:59:15

You can't have a baby because she's having one? Eh??

Haffdonga Sat 23-Apr-16 20:02:31

I'm sure you're not a horrible person or you wouldn't be feeling guilty about feeling this. BUT you really ABU about this, aren't you?

You have a dd (so presumably don't expect problems conceiving another). But your sister has struggled with infertility. You think you can't have another because your sister is pregnant. Why ever not?

So, fake it. Plaster a great big grin on your face and be overjoyed for your sister. Shower her with excitement and support. And go ahead and conceive your next as soon as you want. Having cousins the same age is fab.

FluffyBunny1234 Sat 23-Apr-16 20:04:22

What do you mean no one will care? Who cares anyway except you & dp? Having your baby is extraordinary to you but totally ordinary for everyone else.

DiggersRest Sat 23-Apr-16 20:05:26

You feel as though no one would care hmm

You sound like a shit sister. In fact a truly fucking awful sister.

Haffdonga Sat 23-Apr-16 20:05:42

How difficult it must have been for your sister when she was struggling to conceive and her little sister got pegnant easily. Yet she was beyond amazing for you.

Now it's your turn to be beyond amazing for her and gibe yourself an enormous kick up the backside.

expatinscotland Sat 23-Apr-16 20:08:09

You have issues, OP. You need to get some help to work them through because it's quite damaging to be so self-absorbed. If not that, then please, don't ever let your poor sister know your true feelings.

PurpleDaisies Sat 23-Apr-16 20:10:36

You can't help how you feel, but you need to get really good at plastering on a fake smile for now. From personal experience (struggling to conceive) it often gets miles easier when the baby actually arrives and you've got a new niece or nephew to play with.

She will more than likely have tried really hard not to let her know that she found your pregnancy hard when she was trying to conceive. Be a good sister and do the same.

canyou Sat 23-Apr-16 20:12:57

My sisters have dc born 4 days apart they are the best of friends. They really enjoyed a being pregnant together. It can be good.
Smile and carry on with your plans

bingobingoed Sat 23-Apr-16 20:13:20

I don't get the 'none will care' either. Nobody cares really, tbh even I cared less in my own second pregnancy.

Surely it would be nice to have cousins close in age? Be happy your going to be an auntie, it's great.

PenelopePitstops Sat 23-Apr-16 20:15:21

You sound deranged.

People will be happy for you both.

Your sister sounds amazingly graceful and pleased for you. Afford her the same courtesy.

Forgetmenotblue Sat 23-Apr-16 20:18:42

I don't think you're horrible at all and I think you are getting a bit of a hard time on here.

Being broody and hormonal makes jealousy that isn't your real personality, rise to the surface, IMHO. When I was ttc DC 3 and a friend announced she was pregnant, I had to run out of the room: I felt sick with jealousy.

Have the baby that you want to have. It will be lovely having cousins close together.

At the moment though you do have to do the fake smile and masses of congratulations to your sister.

Forgetmenotblue Sat 23-Apr-16 20:19:53

BTW now my DC3 is nearly 10, I have told my friend about my attack of jealousy. We laugh about it now when we see our kids playing together.

The feeling will pass.

FilthyRascal Sat 23-Apr-16 20:22:02

I think the op was asking for friendly words of support not a good kicking. She knows she's being UR - she said it.

Totally get you op - cake

It's fine to feel these things, and I'm sure you'll be an amazing support to your sister, you just need to process your own feelings.
I don't think she'll feel like you're stealing her thunder at all. And if she's just told you she's presumably 12weeks and you're not trying until next month so the babies will be at least 4 probably more like 5 months apart. Definitely far enough apart that they won't blend into one. smile

Arfarfanarf Sat 23-Apr-16 20:24:35

You're not a horrible person but your focus is wrong.
You arent having a baby for the focus or attention of others.
You will have a baby because you and your partner want to add to your family.
There is no thunder to steal. You arent going to have a baby in order to be centre stage.

Congratulate your sister. Proceed with your own plans.

CoolforKittyCats Sat 23-Apr-16 20:26:42

I think the op was asking for friendly words of support not a good kicking.

Support over what? For feeling jealous over her DSIS when she was nothing but incredibly supportive of the OP when she was pregnant?

I agree with Imperial

LaConnerie Sat 23-Apr-16 20:27:22

Personally i think it would be lovely for all of you if you both end up being pg and having babies around the same time.

That aside, as you know, you need to suck it up and get over it.

I take it you've probably got a long history of slightly unhealthy sibling rivalry?

FuzzyOwl Sat 23-Apr-16 20:27:33

Fake it and keep faking it until it is genuine.

I would continue with your plans to ttc as it could take you ages or you could get pregnant straight away and if you do, your child will have a cousin really close in age to play with.

SeraOfeliaFalfurrias Sat 23-Apr-16 20:27:43

Oh dear. The thing is, OP, can't often can't help how we're feeling, even if those feelings are inappropriate. The only thing we can control is how we deal with those feelings and let them show on the outside. You say you feel like a terrible sister for feeling these thoughts, so that's a start - you recognise that what you're feeling isn't rational or fair to your sister.

There's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't TTC when you want to. There would still be a few months between your pregnancies so you wouldn't steal her thunder, and you'd have a set of cousins very close in age who would grow up together and hopefully be great friends.

But the main thing you need to realise, or fake it 'til you make it, is that a pregnancy is a means for you to have a child, not some personal achievement that requires the attention and ongoing congratulations of friends and family.

LettingAgentNightmare Sat 23-Apr-16 20:28:43

If you don't cover this up really, really bloody well you are a horrible person.

Don't you dare take any of the shine of this away from your sister who had tried for years to have her own family and as you admit was amazing when she saw her younger sister get pregnant easily.

Jesus, I really hope you are very young.

Pinkheart5915 Sat 23-Apr-16 20:28:45

I don't think your horrible but I do think You sound a little childish.
She is your sister why would you not be happy for her? after she's ttc for a few years.
Plenty of people have babies at the same time so if you was to get pregnant I don't see a issue with stealing people's thunder.
Me and my best friend are both having babies due 1 day apart and it's been great having somebody to share it with

blowmybarnacles Sat 23-Apr-16 20:28:51

I don't get why you have to put anything on hold - having cousins the same age will be fantastic.
Why don't you share your plans with your sister and get excited for her. She sounds amazing. Don't let her have even a glimmer of a suspicion you feel this way, fake it till you can get a grip.

Good luck.

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