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Pregnancy

Unsupportive partner sorry for the rant

46 replies

Smile150 · 20/04/2016 17:30

Hi I'm new to this,

I'm currently about 6 weeks pregnant with second child with my partner and I feel no support from him at all. I've been suffering with nausea and lightheadedNess and been generally feeling awful . Our daughter doesn't sleep much at night so I rarely get a good night's sleep and she is with me all day so I never have time for myself. He doesn't contribute towards our bills I pay for pretty much everything, he only looks after our daughter every now and again for me to have a break, he never cleans up after himself and he never even cooks I have to do everything. And If I don't cook then he can become a bit funny. But as he is self employed and works everyday I feel like Im supposed to be cooking and doing it all.. he doesn't even ask me if I'm feeling ok or if he can do anything he just turns it around to be all about him. I'm really struggling with this pregancy with how I'm feeling I'm so happy to be pregmany just feeling like this brings me down and is making me feel depressed and he is not helping which makes me snap at him then he just turns it all around that I'm being a horrible person. What should I do.. sorry for the rant

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Report

SteffiMuse · 20/04/2016 17:45

Sorry to hear about you're difficult times. I don't understand why men are so selfish. Maybe sit him down and calmly have a chat with him. Explain how difficult things are for you at this moment and say you really need some help. In my experience having a chat doesn't work but It may help. Men don't like to told where they're going wrong. Must hurt their ego but it's worth a try. Maybe you're man will see where you're coming from? Or maybe suggest he order you a take out one evening? All the best

Suziesome1 · 20/04/2016 17:59

Wow, he seems like a catch! He doesn't contribute financially, support you emotionally, or pull his weight with the domestic side of life. Oh, and he seldom co-parents his daughter....and expects his dinner on the table or he strops? I know what I would do, ltb. What you should do is entirely dependent if you could see a way of this changing for the better. Has this all came out of the blue? Did he want the baby? Have you spoke to him about how his behaviour makes you feel? Do you think he cares? Have you got support around you? He sounds like an arse to me, but I'm judgemental as feck, you'd be well rid.

Smile150 · 20/04/2016 18:06

Thank you both for your response yes he wanted another baby and he said he was happy when we found out yet he doesn't seem like he is happy. And when I tell him how I feel he just doesn't get it or undertow he shows no compassion. He does treat me to food out or a takeaway every now and again but then uses that as an excuse as to why he doesn't pay me any money. And I have family such as nan dad and step-mum near me but they don't help with my daughter as my nan is elderly and my dad and partner own their own business and would never offer to babysit so it's really only when my mum visits or il go away to grandparents I get the help I need. I'm so happy I'm pregnant and I no it will be hard and il struggle as it's hard now but il do it alone if I have to. And will make it work for my children

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SteffiMuse · 20/04/2016 18:15

Suziesome1 was correct he does sound like a bit of an arse. I don't know why he thinks he doesn't have to support you or the children. And you're not working right? The odd treat does not mean he doesn't have to help out. What an awful excuse. I don't think he'll change. Men in my experience never do change. It's clear you're not getting much from this man on any level. It's a difficult one because I'm sure you love him but not supported by him.

Smile150 · 20/04/2016 18:19

Ye I'm not working as I'm a full Time mum and I find it hard.. he does help sometimes just not always and I feel that I have to nag and moan to get money which then creates arguments and he doesn't like it. I do love him and he says he loves me just wondering how much. He is also a bit controlling and If I leave je would make my life difficult as it happened before and then we got back together

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SteffiMuse · 20/04/2016 18:25

Oh that's not healthy. I really feel for you. It's so difficult and I understand that. Women are for more giving than man. I guess it's a decision only you can make though. You either say enough is enough or try and work things out. Have a heart to heart and see where you go from there.

Smile150 · 20/04/2016 18:28

I feel sI stressed I'm worrying something will go wrong and I'm worried about my weight aswell as I lost nearly 7 stones after having my daughter as I was big before and I'm worried about putting weight on now and I'm eating loads and crisps and that.

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Suziesome1 · 20/04/2016 18:31

You realise life doesn't have to be this difficult? You don't have to be with an unsupportive, controlling man child. You deserve and are entitled to be happy.

Suziesome1 · 20/04/2016 18:35

Sorry, xpost. Don't worry about your weight, you're growing a new human! Take your vitamins and eat what you fancy :) have a bit of cake from me

SteffiMuse · 20/04/2016 18:42

Yeah don't worry bout you're weight at this moment. The first 12 weeks are so hard. You deserve to be happy though. You only get one life

Smile150 · 20/04/2016 19:00

I just don't want to be fat again and after having baby look at myself and see I'm fat and have to lose all weight again

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SteffiMuse · 20/04/2016 20:55

Don't worry remember you're in control of you're weight. Treat yourself and limit yourself. Stick to you're daily calorie allowance and you will be fine

Smile150 · 22/04/2016 08:48

Spoke to my partner managed to get some money to get good shopping. Although when I tried having a conversation with him about money and that he needs to step up he just ignored me and starting using our daughter as an excuse to why he wasn't listening. And when I told him we are having another baby so it's going to be more expensive and he needs to step up and support his family or its us who suffers and me mainly as all bills are in my name and go out of my account he got enjoyed and went in a bad mood and ignored me. I don't no what to do.

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SteffiMuse · 22/04/2016 09:06

I guess you tried. I'm not sure where you can go from here. Suggest he move out as you can't afford to keep him? If he isn't contributing and you're paying for everything then you're basically keeping him

KatharinaRosalie · 22/04/2016 09:13

So you're a SAHM, and he doesn't pay any bills and you have to beg for money for food? Food that he is eating? That's ridiculous. And he's an arse.
Honestly it sounds like you would have an easier life without him.
If this is not what you want, then maybe spell it out for him that in most other families, where one partner works and the other one doesn't, the money is all joint. There's no begging.

KatharinaRosalie · 22/04/2016 09:16

I would be intersted to hear if he really thinks his contribution to the family is fair. So you

take care of the house, cook and clean
take care of your child
are pregnant!
pay for everything.

Him..?

Smile150 · 22/04/2016 09:16

Iv said that to him or that he only stays here once a week and that's it then he goes off on one that's I'm being a cow. And he pays more than I do I'm moaning and nagging. And then says I don't want him and that . He has money as he is self employed and then works for someone on weekends which pays him monthly which then is meant to be used for bills but the guy never pays on time always 2 or 3 weeks late and my partner never tells him. And iv tried explaining that if that money is not on time bills don't get paid and then we could end up not affording rent but he doesn't seem to care.

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DropYourSword · 22/04/2016 09:17

If he is self employed and working, where does all his money go!?

DropYourSword · 22/04/2016 09:18

Sorry, x post. You don't live together?

Smile150 · 22/04/2016 09:23

His money goes on his debts and other bills paying his overdraft he is crap with money he is happy to take me out for meals which is nice sometimes but not pay for bills. I ended up downloading his bank app to my phone so I could transfer money from his account to mine. He won't even offer to cook me a meal I have to do it all and if I don't he will go get fish and chips as he won't cook. He occasionally will wash the dishes that's it. Just annoys me he has the money but just let's the guy pay when he feels like it which is no good as bills need to be paid.. he won't even pick up the hoover. And then when I use my phone he tells me off and doesn't like it and wants to no who I'm talking to. My only social life is chatting on my phone as I don't go out much or have many friends. And yes I could leave I have tried before but he makes my life very difficult and tries to take my daughter away, turned people against me all sorts it's easier to be with him. I do love him but if he won't sort his act out by the time the baby is here think he will have to go then as il have two children to think of

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DropYourSword · 22/04/2016 13:51

Can you just confirm whether you live together...it's not clear.

Smile150 · 22/04/2016 14:20

Yes we live together

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Stom91 · 22/04/2016 16:32

Easier to be with him but you're clearly unhappy.
Living an unhappy life isn't living at all.
And yes leaving will be bloody hard and struggle to begin with but in a years time it will all have settled down and you'll be a lot happier. And if people believe his lies they aren't friends anyway.
He's sounds controlling especially as he doesn't like you on your phone. And he doesn't pay any bills!? But he lives there?
Id be telling him he can shove it.

Do you have anyone in Real life you can talk to? X

sammyjayneex · 22/04/2016 17:18

Sounds like my husband

wombthereitis · 22/04/2016 18:52

I know you're saying you do love him but it's not really clear what it is you love about him? He comes across as a controlling cocklodger who gets nasty when you ask to be treated with any sort of consideration and respect It doesn't seem like you'd be losing a great deal by leaving him. As a PP poster said, relationships don't have to be like this.

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