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Unplanned 3rd pregnancy age 40

(2 Posts)
ALBR Wed 20-Apr-16 08:02:55

Hi all,

I'm having a big dilemma. I found out 2 weeks ago I'm pregnant and I feel past having kids. I have 2 beautiful girls age 4 and 6 who are both at school and our house is pretty civilised and my relationship with my husband is good. We are out of the baby/toddler stage which we both found really stressful and we weren't planning on going back to this.

We did consider having a third but I think it was more me not wanting to admit the baby years were over - deep down I didn't want to go back to that.

I am worried about the physical side - I had SPD, sciatica and morning sickness every pregnancy - and my teeth and gums also really suffered. I am worried about my mental health - I found the first 2 years so stressful and I suffered mild depression. I do not cope well with lack of sleep. My relationship with my husband suffered. I am worried about the financial side - the cost of childcare, bigger car, possibly having to move, holidays etc. I am worried about the social side - everyone I know is done having babies and I would find telling my work, my parents and certain friends (with fertility problems) difficult.

And also the unknowns, what if the pregnancy/birth doesn't go well, what if I have a difficult baby or there are problems.

There is a long list of reasons NOT to but obviously I would feel so guilty if I didn't continue with the pregnancy and I am starting to bond with the baby already. We have a loving household and we would somehow make it work. I am 50/50 as to what to do - I switch from one side to the next.

The easy option would be to not continue with the pregnancy although in the short term that would be really difficult.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Can anyone offer any advice? I'm running out of time to decide.

Thanks in advance

Marquand Wed 20-Apr-16 15:16:20

I think the key question is if you would regret the decision to abort later. Unfortunately, that's hard to say for sure at this stage.

I'm 43 and pregnant with DC3 (the others are 6 and 3). It was neither planned nor unplanned, but an 'if it happens it happens' scenario. Even though I theoretically am very happy with the idea of a 3rd child, I still feel overwhelmed with the prospects of starting the baby phase again. Then there are the other concerns - financial, mental health, family dynamics, getting my life back, working in a fairly stressful job, etc. But at least I know I want another baby.

Make sure that you and your DP are fully aligned on whatever decision is taken, and make sure nobody guilts you into a decision that you don't want to take.

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