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Is it just me? I need to find a way to tell people to stop being so frickin' rude.

(36 Posts)
Flossiesmummy Tue 19-Apr-16 11:32:42

Does anyone else feel like this is their life all day every day at the moment? I just needed a proper rant to expel some of the pent up frustration. Is it just me? Or do 90% of people love to make pregnant women feel bad?

It’s rude to comment on other people’s weight. It is not necessary to do so, and it might upset them, so we don’t do it.

So answer me this: why did I (and thousands of other women) become fair game the moment I became pregnant? You wouldn’t dream of telling a woman you knew that she’d gained a few pounds. But a pregnant woman? They frickin’ love that stuff! Knock yourself out!

Just in case you’re not hearing the frustration and sarcasm in my words – we don’t. I’ve had enough of strangers passing comment on my size.

Here’s a round up of just some of the comments I’ve had since it became evident I was expecting again.

“How long have you got left? Are you sure? Have you perhaps got your dates mixed up? You’re huge!”
“You look bigger every time I see you!”
“Stand back everyone! She’s not going to fit through otherwise!” snigger
“Are you sure there’s not two in there?”

Interestingly, I have told strangers on a few occasions that I am indeed expecting twins (I’m not) and I’m met each time with the same response. It’s a sort of disappointed “oh, right”, which sort of proves that the person making the comment wanted you to say “no, just one” so that they could make you feel bad for being so huge.

Now believe me, I am fully aware that I have a huge bump. My midwife has confirmed that my bump measures well above the 90th percentile. I have a mirror. I’m not an idiot. I looked exactly like this the first time I was pregnant. My mum says she did too. It’s just genetics.

Last time it took me ten days to lose the weight I’d gained in pregnancy. This time around, I’ve actually gained a little less weight. I honestly can’t help the way my body decides to make the next little miracle to arrive on this planet – I’m just pointing out, I suppose, that it’s not my fault. (I’ve just realised I’m defending myself, and that perhaps makes a point in itself – if I need to explain why I’m getting rounder, that perhaps indicates I’ve received one too many negative comments).

Sorry about the rant – I just needed to vent. I’m so totally sick of every conversation I have being about how monstrously big I am. It’s monotonous and tiresome and rude.

To sum up I’ll paraphrase Bridget Jones: you seem to go out of your way to make me feel like a complete whale. And you really needn't bother: I already feel like a whale most of the time anyway.

drops mic

Greyhorses Tue 19-Apr-16 11:53:48

I feel the same as you!

Yesterday I was told I was bloody massive, had a much rounder face and water retention by 3 seperate people.

I was a size 6 before pregnancy and felt like running off to cry each time sad

I am 37 weeks so can't get much bigger surely?!

Persipan Tue 19-Apr-16 11:55:41

Just go with "Wow." and then a long, long pause...

DaisyAdair Tue 19-Apr-16 12:02:17

I loved being pg, I loved being big, and I loved people noticing.
I've been guilty of the "are you sure it's not twins?" comment myself - sometimes people want to acknowledge your pregnancy and don't know what to say so they open their mouth and put their foot in it.
In the nicest possible way I think you're maybe being a little bit over sensitive flowers
You could of course just tell them to fuck off

KnitsBakesAndReads Tue 19-Apr-16 12:19:20

I hated this too. What on earth makes people think that simply because a woman is pregnant it's suddenly acceptable to make comments about her size and appearance.

I think the worst one for me was when a close relative commented to me that being pregnant "changes everything about you, even your face looks a different shape." They might as well have just outright called me fat!

The way I used to manage was just to remind myself that my body was doing this amazing thing - growing a beautiful new baby - and that I couldn't have cared less what it looked like while doing it. Strangely I think pregnancy actually helped me feel happier with my body than I ever have before, just because I was a bit in awe of what it was doing.

Hope you feel better for the rant! smile

SpeakNoWords Tue 19-Apr-16 12:23:58

Fortunately I have a quite severe resting bitch face so haven't had to deal with these kinds of comments to my face.

Sometimes people don't know what to say and leap for the obvious without thinking, others are just unpleasant individuals who would insult anyone they meet. I wouldn't take what they say to heart, as they are clearly idiots.

WellErrr Tue 19-Apr-16 12:24:03

I don't get why this is a problem. I really don't.
Currently pregnant with third so it's not that I haven't experienced it - but people aren't saying you're fat. They're not saying 'wow, your arse is humongous.'
They're commenting on the pregnancy, the bump. And tbh, when someone is very pregnant you can't help but notice it before anything else. It's not a personal dig.

WellErrr Tue 19-Apr-16 12:25:55

And when people say to me 'goodness, you're getting bigger every day!' or variation of, I usually say 'don't I know it!' or something and laugh.

CamembertQueen Tue 19-Apr-16 12:30:02

I have had some really rude things said to me (fil "not just your bump getting bigger, look at the size of your arse") and also "oh you are big all over, haven't seen little camembert look like that before. To people telling me my bump is tiny and neat. I just want to scream just shut up and keep your opinions to yourself!!!!

RaeSkywalker Tue 19-Apr-16 12:32:55

I'm 9 + 2 and obviously not showing yet. I have HG and so have had to tell my boss earlier than planned. She said "ooooh when will you start to get fat?" in the most excited voice ever confused

BunchOfBobs Tue 19-Apr-16 13:30:51

I had this Rae I got from my SIL within seconds of announcing I was pregnant "FINALLY you're going to get FAT!" Cheers love.
You can't please me with comments, if someone says I'm massive I take offence but I seem to take more offence if they say I'm tiny. That feels like a dig of "you're not looking after your unborn child" I know it's not though. Personally I think I'm big for my 23 weeks, looking around at others and I'm very happy with that, but still I don't like people other than close family saying it. My DH gets "are you saying I'm fat?" Daily poor guy.

MrsNuckyT Tue 19-Apr-16 13:36:30

I had this quite a few times when pregnant, and I have to agree I just think it's unacceptable. Mind you, I previously told a friend of mine (thinking I was being very complimentary) that her bump looked very neat. But I've since heard people say that's unhelpful too because it makes you worry there's something wrong.

My worst was shopping in Petit Bateau one day and the lady asking me how pregnant I was. I said something like 28 weeks and she went 'oh my god, I just assumed you were ready to drop'. I mean what are you supposed to say to that???

I like the 'pause and wow' idea.

RaeSkywalker Tue 19-Apr-16 13:40:42

Glad it's not just me Bunch! I clearly have a lot of lovely comments to look forward to...

AnnaMarlowe Tue 19-Apr-16 13:44:26

Flossie I have twins. I was huge grin.

I can confirm that when strangers in the street said "it looks like you have two in there" or "are you sure it's not twins" and I said "it is twins" they were disappointed every single time.

People are weird. And rude.

However these comments are a useful way of toughening you up prior to the baby being born - as soon as you become a Mother the whole world feels entitled to comment on their: looks; Behaviour; clothes; speech; height and weight.

Practice your 'nod and smile' while internally imagine pouring custard on their heads - I find it very helpful. grin

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Tue 19-Apr-16 13:46:16

Oh dear. I had the opposite problem, I had a "tiny" bump (fuck off everyone) and "wasn't eating enough" ('fuck off I've just had 5 jam donuts and I'm on my way to buy more').
This translated to me in my head as everyone thought I was abusing my baby as I wasn't eating enough. Every mw appointment I'd ask if the size was ok as I was apparently too small and they'd always say confused You're absolutely fine.

Indeed dd was perfectly healthy when born and is fucking huge now at 16m wearing 18-24m clothing.

I definitely think being pregnant makes everything worse, more annoying, more insulting, harder to bear, just worserer and badderer.

People do say things for the sake of saying things. Everyone gets excited about a pregnancy but there are only so many things you can say about it so the bump gets a lot of comments.

Please try to ignore everyone and smile, as hardly anyone would purposely try to upset a pg woman esp if they have been pg or had a pg wife etc

MyKingdomForBrie Tue 19-Apr-16 13:49:42

Surely it's not offensive to say the bump is big?? People are starting to say this to me at 18/19weeks and I love it!! They're talking about the baby, not you! Clearly the arse comments etc are bloody rude.

DropYourSword Tue 19-Apr-16 13:50:18

Meh, it's generally for something to say. I get totally conflicting comments. Range from aren't you huge to wow, tiny neat bump. Within the space of an hour. Pretty sure I'm not expanding and contracting so I just smile.
To be honest I was prepared for lots of rude comments while pregnant, but pretty much everyone I've encountered had been lovely to me and I've found it makes small talk with total strangers very pleasant. Think I'll miss it! but very little else. Come on baby, it's eviction time

Alb1 Tue 19-Apr-16 14:36:15

I get this all the time, my bump is massive, and the baby is measuring weeks ahead so I no I'm huge! I'm already growing out of my maternity tops blush I don't find it offensive, people are trying to be nice, but it is wearing a little thin at the minute, I can't move without someone commenting on how much I am and I'm only 33+5, people really don't believe me! but I'm full of a cold and so super grumpy at the min too, people could say anything and it'd annoy me a little right now!

chaosagain Tue 19-Apr-16 16:49:45

I've struggled with this too. Not the 'isn't your baby growing' type comments but the 'you're bigger than you should be' type inferences. I know they're just making conversation (mostly) and that you just become more public property when pregnant. But it doesn't make lots of women feel good. My personal favourite was a member of the family recently noticing something was different on the day I'd had my hair cut. Before I could smile and reply he said 'I think it's just that you're so much bigger than when I saw you last week. Are you sure there's not 2 in there?' Aargh!
Now I'm gritting my teeth and smiling through the 'how much longer?' 'Are you still here' comments each day on the school run. I know it's well meaning but I'm irritable and SO many people pass comment! Come on baby, let's get on with it! (39 weeks..)

novemberchild Tue 19-Apr-16 17:03:15

With this one and my last, I just keep getting told how my bump is 'all out the front' and that means I will have a boy...

It IS all out the front and they are indeed both boys, but I do get tired of hearing it smile

MrBensMrs Tue 19-Apr-16 17:46:39

I'm 16 weeks nearly and my manager today told me he thought I was waddling! I nearly decked him! I had achy legs after a 10k walk last night the cheeky sod! What did I do? Chuckle and say oh! When I should have told him to keep his opinions to himself!

Flossiesmummy Tue 19-Apr-16 20:35:56

It's interesting to note that a few people aren't offended by these comments.

I think I'm bothered because quite a lot of the people who I actually know have insinuated that I'm overeating, eating the wrong foods, letting myself go etc. Like I'm not taking care of Dd2 in there.

The thing is, I am! I've had perhaps 20 caffeinated drinks in the whole 29 weeks, I'm alcohol free, I don't smoke and I eat healthily. I've gained weight in line with NHS recommendations.

What they're truly seeing is polyhydramnios (extra waters) - had it in first pregnancy too. What they think they see, and comment on is the supposed bad choices I simply must be making with regards our health.

booked83 Wed 20-Apr-16 11:05:40

I've had a few comments... I've had a mum at the school saying oh your definitely showing now! (--Cheeky cow!)-- my reply was I should think so at 7 months!

I'm getting sick of being told to "rest" I'm a sahm with two at school i tidy n look after the house etc shcool runs n what not! If I don't do it no one else will.... Plus in pregnant not incapable is my normal response!!!

MissBattleaxe Wed 20-Apr-16 11:11:50

I do think that people are commenting on your bump and not calling you greedy and fat. I was so proud of my bump I'd stick it out and I would love it when people commented on it. They're really not being horrible, although if it upsets you you are of course entitled to tell them you don't like it. I'm sure they would be mortified to hear they'd hurt your feelings.

Fuzzywuzzywasabear Wed 20-Apr-16 11:21:20

I have a colleague who keeps calling me tubby or fatty! The other day I was taking my soup out of the microwave and he told me "you won't be able to reach in there much longer"
I just look and walk off rude old man!

With the possible exception of that Dick I think people generally just don't what else to say so they mention the size of your bump as it's a gauge on how far along you are, my boss said "you get bigger everytime I see you yesterday" I think it's his way of making pregnancy small talk.

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