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feel stupid guilty and cheated

(44 Posts)
fatecanbesocruel Sun 17-Apr-16 09:44:36

Morning ladies

I am so worried and don't know what to do or how to feel.

My husband and I have been TTC for the past 2+ years without success. During that time I have put my life on hold - no alcohol, no exotic travel, no certain foods etc etc. Finally referred for IVF. We have had a lot of other personal stress (family death, illness, job issues etc) so we thought sod it, took month off and went on a month long wine tour to SA.
I had 2-3 glasses of wine every day, one bottle of wine to myself on one day.
Came home, regular period a day late and tested positive!
Should be overjoyed but feel so utterly utterly cheated and am beside myself with worry at how much alcohol I have consumed the 2 weeks before and after conception. The bottle of wine will have been about 11 days after conception.
I cannot stop crying. I know many women drink before finding out they are pregnant but every day? and that much?
Thank you for listening x

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Sun 17-Apr-16 09:51:05

the placenta doesn't become fully functional and take over until about the 12th week, so I doubt that your alcohol intake will have had any effect whatsoever. A friend of mine didn't discover she was pregnant until about 7 months on and she was a young partygoer at the time, her DD is perfectly healthy.

Wait4nothing Sun 17-Apr-16 09:55:05

We were on an all inclusive cruise during my two week wait - no way was I wasting that on the off chance I was pregnant! Drank (and ate) to excess. Tested positive a week after we git back. Currently 38w pregnant and it is all a distant memory and has had no impact on my pregnancy and all indicators say baby is very healthy. Please don't worry!

Artioo2 Sun 17-Apr-16 10:11:01

I wouldn't be surprised if your decision to take a break and relax all the rules about what to eat and drink dropped your stress and resulted in you conceiving. smile I'd be thanking the booze for your little miracle and thinking no more about it. The baby doesn't start to share your blood supply for a couple of weeks after conception anyway, and at the moment is a bundle of cells that are constantly being replaced with new cells. If a cell did get damaged, it would be replaced. It will be fine. Congratulations!

fatecanbesocruel Sun 17-Apr-16 10:11:02

Thank you. it is really comforting despite you all being total strangers.

I am just so worried that any effects might not become apparent until the child is a few years old. That alcohol damage causes lower IQ and behaviour difficulties.
I am just feeling so angry as well, having been so so good for 2+ sodding years - for what?!

Herewegoagainfolks Sun 17-Apr-16 10:14:54

A work colleague of mine spent the month before conceiving her (beautiful, intelligent and creative) daughter at 4 successive massive hen weekends.

Her daughter is perfect.

Calm down. Talk to your midwife if you are worried.

JoMalones Sun 17-Apr-16 10:16:18


As said above, the placenta isn't working fully until later on so you won't have passed anything through. Most people drink on the tww. There could be every chance that you fell pregnancy because you had a few drinks and relaxed! I drank almost every day after my mmc until my BFP. Please don't worry and enjoy your pregnancy!

5608Carrie Sun 17-Apr-16 10:18:10

Congratulations!! Lots of babies conceived in circumstances less ideal than yours.

kiki22 Sun 17-Apr-16 10:19:13

I wouldn't worry I drank regularly before I knew I was pregnant with ds and he is 4 years old and hit every milestone ahead of time apart from 1 its done him no harm.

Lunar1 Sun 17-Apr-16 10:20:41

It will be fine, it's if you carried on through the pregnancy it would be a problem. Congratulations.

Artioo2 Sun 17-Apr-16 10:23:33

The babies who suffer from the type of damage you're talking about are born to mothers who drink heavily throughout pregnancy, not to mothers who had a few bottles of wine in the couple of weeks after conception. I've never met anyone with FAS, I don't think most people have - if a few drinks in very early pregnancy caused it, it would be much more common.

You were good for a few years because you were trying to give yourself the best chance of conceiving. It's not wasted, it shows how much you want and will treasure this baby - plus your body will be in good, healthy shape for your pregnancy.

5608Carrie Sun 17-Apr-16 10:24:53

Keep up your folic acid and vitamin D. Thats whats important at this stage.

Lisad1975 Sun 17-Apr-16 10:29:04

This happened to me and a few friends so dont stress please!!!
We were trying for a year and thought sod it and see what happens so we planned a couple of holidays . I go away for a week with family members hence wine every night and then some lol even dancing on a bar 😱😱 come home period 4 days late and wham pregnant ! Had no idea and a lg was born super healthy at 8lb 12 a week early .
Just relax !

Lisad1975 Sun 17-Apr-16 10:29:37

Yes keep on with your vitamins !

motheroreily Sun 17-Apr-16 10:31:24

Congratulations. Please try to not let this worry you, talk to your midwife She will reassure too.

Do not feel guilty. You Haven't done anything wrong.

StuckMelia Sun 17-Apr-16 10:34:25

Congratulations! Just calm down and don't worry too much. Everything will be okay.

Sneeze182 Sun 17-Apr-16 10:34:35

I'm a midwife. Half the babies in the country are surprises, lots of alcohol is consumed in the first weeks of pregnancy to no ill effect. Don't give it another thought, enjoy this very deserved pregnancy flowers

Moreisnnogedag Sun 17-Apr-16 10:38:21

Oh don't worry please! As said the blood supply isn't yet shared. The damage you're talking about is about heavy heavy drinkers continuing to drink throughout pregnancy (think bottle of gin a day kind of drinker) not a few glasses right at the beginning.

I thought I wasn't pregnant, was upset and went on a massive night out - copious amounts of alcohol was consumed. DS now 5 has shown no ill effects 😄

curren Sun 17-Apr-16 10:42:27

We were trying for ages for DC2.

I went on a works do and got completely pissed. Didn't even enter my head I could be pregnant. The Wednesday after I realised I was late and I was pg.

I called my friend who was a dr and she said not to worry.

Ds is now five and is completely healthy.

curren Sun 17-Apr-16 10:44:23

Also I must have got pregnant while on holiday just before this.

I do think relaxing and not thinking about it so much helps. I know loads of couples who have only conceived once they have decided to give it a break while waiting to see specialists.

TurtleEclipseofTheHeart Sun 17-Apr-16 10:45:33

Congratulations OP! I got pregnant by accident on holiday and drank, smoked a little, took antibiotics and took other meds that weren't recommended during pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant I was sick with worry that my baby would be affected. My GP told me that for the first few weeks after conception nothing I had ingested would have reached the embryo. My 7mo DS is indeed absolutely fine.

2under2aagh Sun 17-Apr-16 10:59:42

Read this

Alcohol has an all or nothing effect in the first two weeks
Are you taking prenatal vitamins?

Heirhelp Sun 17-Apr-16 11:25:15

Everybody I know was in the same situation as you in terms of alcohol in first month. In fact I know few people who had holidays just before starting IVF and conceived naturally durring this time.

I have worked with a child with AFS. Their Mum was an alcoholic who drank several bottles of wine everyday throughout pregnancy.

fatecanbesocruel Sun 17-Apr-16 11:25:34

thank you so much. I suppose I have just been such a control freak for so long and now feel in free fall at the irony of it all!!! your kind words are just what is needed at this time.
At least I don't want to touch another drop of the stuff for a long time because of the guilt!

user1460834928 Sun 17-Apr-16 11:57:47

I got pregnant on honeymoon - the first or second day - and I continued to drink and smoke for the remainder of the holiday (it was Cuba and it was all inclusive so of course I was drinking every day!) I found out I was pregnant 2 days after we got back and from that moment I stopped smoking and didn't touch another drink until long after my daughter was born.

I haven't read the other replies but I'm sure I won't be the first to say that it's probably the fact that you relaxed that meant you got pregnant. See it as an amazing holiday that you had before your new family life begins. Congratulations and try to enjoy it, you have nothing to feel guilty for.x

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