Second baby - PFB

[Ploppymoodypants]

Hi there, look for some reassurance I think. DC1 is 3. I was/am massively PFB. It took me by surprise as I was VERY laid back during my pregnancy and was expecting a maternity leave full of dropping Baby off at doting grandparents whilst I enjoyed my hobbies and catching up with friends and fun nights out. As it is she still hasn't ever slept the night at PILS and I spent a good 9 months gripped with fear about SIDS. I also remember freaking out at DH because he couldn't grasp washing his hands and then NOT touching his face/patting dog etc between the hand wash and making up a bottle. I still worry massively about other people driving her (have they checked car seat properly) and taking her swimming etc. It's definitely a trust thing as when I have her I am quite relaxed and by no means a helicopter parent. No one has ever done anything to make me feel like this. Everyone who has cared for her has done their best to look after her as per my very annoying instructions and tried to install trust. I just don't know why I feel like it. It's a really raw basic instinct I have. It is easing but doesn't take much to rear its head.

So DH and I really want another baby, but the thought of going through all that angst again fills me with dread. My life was completely on hold as although I had lots of support I just couldn't enjoy any down time as I was so wracked with worry. Please tell me I just have a really bad case of PFB and I won't worry about the second so much?

[pocketsized]

I mean this very gently, but did you ever speak to a medical professional about the way you felt? Post natal anxiety is a thing. If the anxiety was strong enough that it's making you question another baby I think perhaps it's more than Pfb?

[Ploppymoodypants]

Thank you for your reply. You don't think that anxiety sounds like normal PFB Then?

Hmmmm, well actually (outing myself here) it wasn't a planned pregnancy (never wanted kids) and for some reason I had a really strong urge to keep the baby. However I was refered to a perinatal team as I really struggled to bond whilst pregnant and viewed the baby inside me a massive inconvenience making me ill and ruining my fun. I could only relate it to that scene on aliens! The midwives and specialist were amazing, I had such good effective support and within 3 hours of her birth I was hopelessly smitten with my baby. I guess my anxiety is somehow linked to guilt for not treasuring her before she was born. So everything had to be perfect for her after she was born to make up for it. I don't know. Maybe I will speak to the perinatal team again before trying.

Thank you

[pocketsized]

I am not a medical professional, so I don't know. I think a certain amount of worry is completely natural, and I certainly have moments when I am more anxious than others. It sounds though like perhaps it's consuming you a bit,I think if the level of angst is making you question how much you would enjoy a second child then perhaps it's something that someone could help you feel better about. The perinatal team sounds like a great idea.

I had pnd and the prospect of going through that again really put me off having another. I discussed it with my GP who was very kind and supportive and has been helping put things in place to try and either prevent a recurrence or to ensure I get treated quickly if it does happen again. This has really helped me look forward to no two, rather than dread it.

[JuxtapositionRecords]

Honestly, with a second you won't have time to think or worry as much!

[Couchpotato3]

Agree that a chat with your GP re anxiety would be a good idea.

Perhaps having a second (planned) baby would be such a different experience for you that it would help to dispel some of the feelings that you have been harbouring for so long. You would be much more confident with a second baby, and that could help too. Having another baby to focus on might also ease some of your anxiety about your eldest.

[Yika]

I don't think that level of anxiety is normal PFB worry, indeed. It shouldn't incapacitate you. You definitely had a lot going on psychologically and I'd say you could do with working it through before thinking about a second.

[Artioo2]

The fact that the thought of going through it again fills you with dread is a pretty strong indication what you were experiencing was wasn't just normal protective mother feelings. It doesn't sound normal to me, and well worth talking to someone about.