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Just found out I am pregnant and I am terrified!

(14 Posts)
BelleSmiles123 Mon 28-Mar-16 18:01:29

I have recently found out that i am 6 weeks pregnant and was not prepared at all! I am finishing my last year at university and was not trying for a baby with my boyfriend. I always worried I would have trouble conceiving and now I am pregnant I am constantly worried I am going to have a miscarriage in the next few weeks but know there is nothing I can do to find out quicker or even prevent it from happening.
Even worse than that I am more scared about having a successful pregnancy and having a child! Don't get me wrong I have always wanted children but just...not now. My boyfriend wasn't too happy and got mad at me. Im just so confused because i should be happy and i dont think i can do this without him (whether I miscarry or have the baby). I thought he would be happier after the initial shock and I had no idea how much these early stages consume everything!!!
I dont know what to do.

TheCrumpettyTree Mon 28-Mar-16 18:06:30

What do you want to do? In your heart do you want to keep the baby? I think potentially if you have the baby you have to plan for your bf not being there. What is he getting mad at you for? He had sex too didn't he?

Is there a reason you thought you couldn't conceive?

BelleSmiles123 Mon 28-Mar-16 18:16:41

I want to keep the baby. My boyfriend doesnt agree with abortion and although he is mad he wouldnt let that happen.
He just doesnt trust me. or anyone for that matter. after 2 hours of silence after I told him the first thing he said was 'I wont believe its mine until a dna test.' I have never even looked at another man and know his insecurities come from being cheated on before but there is no getting through to him.
I dont think I can do it on my own.

I thought I would have trouble conceiving because i have been through many doctors and gynae specialists about pains and growths ect.

LadyFarnborough Mon 28-Mar-16 18:50:27

That's a really shitty reaction from him, hopefully it's just shock talking. I'm also 6 weeks pregnant, found out 2 weeks ago. It was kind of planned, I'm in a long term relationship and we are getting married. It knocked us sideways and I cried for about 3 days. Now, we are both thrilled and excited. It may just take him some time.

Duckdeamon Mon 28-Mar-16 18:54:35

"My boyfriend doesnt agree with abortion and although he is mad he wouldnt let that happen."

It's not up to him. At all. Your body, your choice. He sounds like bad news. Agree with PP that in taking a decision about the pregnancy you should assume you would be a single parent.

If you stay with him, but not marry him, it'd be sensible to seek a job after you have the DC (eg when they're 9 months or a year) to avoid being vulnerable financially.

BelleSmiles123 Mon 28-Mar-16 19:32:05

I think the whole situation is still sinking in for both of us and im not so sure i am letting it sink in as i am doing the forbidden googling of literally everything....and trying to avoid the pain if the unfortunate was to happen.
LF I am strangely comforted by the fact that you are also 6 weeks and so happy/excited about it! Thankyou for replying!!

BelleSmiles123 Mon 28-Mar-16 19:34:42

I also agree that getting back to work soon after is a good idea. I have had all sorts of thoughts about getting trapped into a secluded controlling lifestyle and I do not want that to happen!
Abortion has crossed my mind but as I dont trult believe i will make it past 12 months I havent seriously considered it.

signofthebellbird Mon 28-Mar-16 19:35:10

You should have access to confidential help at your uni (counselling, just someone to talk to) and I'd recommend you go and talk to them and get something on record soon so that you can make the most of any mitigating circumstance systems your uni has in place. (I work at a uni and I'd definitely want any of my students in your position to tell someone, whether or not that is your supervisor; this sort of thing happens more often than you might think and we have ways of helping you cope.) You're going to have an emotionally and possibly physically tough few weeks or months ahead of you regardless of what happens, so you want to make sure you've got options for resits or whatever to take the stress out of your final exams. I hope it all turns out well for you.

timelytess Mon 28-Mar-16 19:42:41

Perfectly reasonable to be terrified. I was a married woman and had been through pre-conceptual care (though I had to explain to the doctor what it was, as in 1982 it didn't cross anyone's mind) and my baby was very much 'planned' but when I found out I was pregnant... I was terrified. Normal.

Good luck. Don't let people persuade you to do something you'll regret - make your own decision.

Oh, and review the 'boyfriend'. He might not be up to standard. Committing yourself to a baby wouldn't necessarily mean committing yourself to him.

cocochanel21 Mon 28-Mar-16 20:02:14

I fell pregnant when I was 15. I didn't find out till I was nearly 4mths gone. Talk about terrified, my then Bf left me too get on with it. Being a single parent is hard but also the best thing I have ever done.

I'm now 38 and married,last year I found out I was pregnant again I was actually more shocked and terrified this time. I spent the whole pregnancy really stressed Dd2 is 4mths and just perfect.

Do you have family around to help?

Duckdeamon Mon 28-Mar-16 20:13:00

Had you actually been told by doctors that you might have fertility problems or what these might be?

TheCrumpettyTree Mon 28-Mar-16 20:17:36

Your bf sounds like an arse. His issues surrounding cheating are his alone and should not be placed on to you. It's incredibly unfair that he wants an dna and I wonder if it's his way of escaping responsibility.

You mention ending up in a secluded and controlling lifestyle, is your bf controlling? If he is then this often gets worse during pregnancy. Don't end up in an isolated vulnerable place. Don't be in a controlling relationship, it's not good for you or your baby. Walk.

And yes don't put yourself in a vulnerable position financially. You're not married so if you spilt you're entitled to child support but nothing else. Be careful.

If you need to talk to an independent service then BPAS are pretty good. Is there anyone through uni you can contact?

Freezingwinter Mon 28-Mar-16 20:22:03

Do you have family who can help? Can you confide in your mum or someone close?

Duckdeamon Mon 28-Mar-16 20:49:48

You should LTB for his comment about the DNA test alone. sadangry

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