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How do I tell my parents?!(8 Posts)
I'm planning on telling my parents this weekend that I am pregnant (currently 8+3). Should be straightforward and happy times, I realise, but a number of complicating factors are making me just dread it.
The father and I are no longer together. We had a long, messy breakup which made my parents hate him (we are really close, and even though I'm 32 they are still protective!) for how he treated me - which was very badly for some time. For a couple of months after we kind of broke up, we were still very stupidly sleeping together, which no-one knew about (hardly the kind of thing you discuss with people!) and it was during that time that I fell pregnant.
My parents know that a couple of years ago I got pregnant (same guy) and had an abortion because we weren't ready, and that I was devastated by it. This time round it was just plain stupidity, we had drunk sex and I thought I wasn't due to ovulate for a week or so, but clearly I was wrong. Last time I was on the pill, so we were just incredibly unlucky. I am also divorced, after an ill-advised young marriage, so they have been through that with me as well.
I'm just so disappointed and distressed that what is supposed to be such a happy thing - this will be their first grandchild - is tainted by how imperfect the situation around it is. I'm worried that they'll be disappointed in me for making such a stupid mistake, worried about me for what my future may look like, and generally disappointed that their first grandchild isn't a more joyous experience. I know it's not really about them, but they're my parents and I love them and I just can't bear to see the hurt in their eyes when they feel like they have somehow failed as parents - which mum told me years after my divorce was the case.
Does anyone have any experience of a similar situation? What happened? Any advice? Will they just be so happy that they're having a grandchild that they won't worry about the situation around it?!
All advice and encouragement welcome!!
First off congratulations! Forget the circumstances, you're going to be a mum which is such a blessing. Woo!
I think any feelings you've highlighted of them being disappointed in your choices...etc will be overshadowed by excitement for you, and any concern or more serious feelings/words they may have will come purely out of worry for you, which is completely normal and just because they care.
My situation is different to yours, I'm 22 and pregnant with twins, they are due in the next 2 weeks.
When I told my grandparents they were so worried, I'm not married, don't own my own house, they didn't know my partner well...etc. All they talked about was what could go wrong in my life.
This wasn't because they were disappointed or upset, it was because they care so much about me that they want everything to be perfect for me.
They now can't wait to meet the twins, have been knitting for months and phone me twice a day to see if their great grandchildren are on their way!
My other advice would be to present this pregnancy in a positive light.
If you go in negatively 'I'm really sorry but' or 'I'm not sure what your going to say but' or 'I've got something to tell you, I'm not sure how you'll react'.. Then you are putting in their minds that this isn't a positive thing for you.
Go in, positive, excited and prepared. 'I have some amazing news I can't wait to share with you!'
Good luck and again, congratulations
I would absolutely agree to go in positively. My parents are tricky, to say the least, and I was dreading telling them about this pregnancy based on their reaction to my last. I went in full of positivity and they kind of went along with it!
I'm sure it will be better than you think - congratulations and good luck!
Being a Mum is womderful and no matter what has happened within your realtionship I'm sure your parents will be Happy your happy and I bet they want to spoil that baby.
Just go see them and say ( in a confident voice with a big happy smile) I have some good news I am pregnant.
I found a lovely card that says on the front 'happiness is your daughter telling you that you will be a grandma for the first time" and a cute little picture. The plan is to give that to her with the US picture inside after the 12w scan, and we are going to be really positive and give it all the "We are thrilled, over the moon, can't wait, you must be so excited too to be first time Gparents" etc.
I am 22, happily married to a man they adore, and this baby was planned, but she made a passing comment last week (as she doesnt' know we were trying) about how we should be waiting a few years before we think about a family, and we would regret it if we did it now. made me feel rubbish, she brought it up out of nowhere and its such a dangerous thing to say to someone that could really be trying or even early stages of pregnancy and not ready to tell yet!
Anyway, i think if you say it enthusiastically, tell them how happy you are, and focus on how exciting that they will have a gorgeous little grandbaby, it should hopefully go well!!
best of luck. we are waiting until 12w so we can put off telling them for a while!
I was in a similar, but slightly different situation. Found out my husband was having an affair in May, following a couple of years of him being really horrible all the time, and broke up instantly. Moved in shortly afterwards with a male friend my family knew but also knew was just a friend. Started seeing this friend but kept it quiet as I didn't want to be judged for seeing someone so soon. Found out I was pregnant in September and now due in May.
I was so worried what my Dad would think. I basically turned up and said "I've got some news... The timing is awful but it's actually great news and I'm really happy about it, I'm expecting a baby". I then promptly burst into tears. Even with the tears my Dad took it really well and everyone is very excited.
Thanks everyone! Some really positive, happy stories on here so hopefully I will get the same result. I agree that I need to paint it in as positive a light as possible, but they know how devastated I was when the relationship broke down and they will just be concerned for me that it is going to be too hard, I'll be isolated (as I live in Germany away from all my family and friends) etc.
I chickened out today, just spent some nice time with them. I guess part of me is probably hoping they'll just guess after a few evenings of me very uncharacteristically
Bite the bullet and tell them the worst that could happen is they are initially worried but they sound like good people and will quickly move on to excitement.
My sister fell pregnant at 17 everyone was worried and disappointed but once we got used to it very excited, my little niece is a treasure we all adore her, on the other hand dp and I had only been together a couple of months when I found out I was pregnant I thought everyone would be disappointed since I was old enough to know better but they were all really happy for me.
Just try to remember that even if they are not excited to start with it is just the shock, prepare yourself for it and forgive it in advance don't expect them to jump for joy them the worst case is sorted and anything other reaction will be better.
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