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Coping with anxiety after mc - reading recommendations?

(10 Posts)
ktkaye Sun 20-Mar-16 21:27:32

I am aged 28 and 5+4 with my second pregnancy. My first was diagnosed as a mmc at 12 weeks last November. I am really struggling with anxiety that something will go wrong again and just feel generally really low and vulnerable - I keep crying and having to hide at work while I pull myself together. This is a longed for and much wanted baby but neither my dh nor I can seem to let ourselves feel excited or happy. I gather feeling this way is fairly normal for some men/women after a loss and I can rationalise everything to death but that doesn't make it any easier! Can anyone out there recommend a book they have read or technique they have used which had helped them cope through this process? Xx

Wolfiefan Sun 20-Mar-16 21:31:21

I can't recommend any reading BUT you are normal!
My first pg ended in a MMC at a scan at 13 weeks (was my 12 week scan but late!)
I was sooooo anxious in my next pg. That pg ended with the birth of my DS.
Having one mc doesn't mean future pgs will end that way. Take one day at a time. Look after yourself and take it easy.
flowers for your earlier loss.

Slothlikesundays Sun 20-Mar-16 21:44:06

I too had a mmc before this pregnancy. So far I have coped by only looking at positive things on the Internet (not googling miscarriage symptoms/reading miscarriage stories). I also kept reminding myself that my doctor said miscarriage loss of symptoms is often something you recognise in hindsight not at the time (don't know about you but this was true of my mmc). It's tough in the early weeks calendar watching, waiting for the days to pass but it gets easier. 19 weeks now and I still get a little worried sometimes. Don't worry about being upset, your mmc was still very recent and raw. Hope everything goes ok. Xx

kiki22 Sun 20-Mar-16 22:07:56

Another person who has a mc mine was spontaneous with my first pregnancy, my second I had spotting at 6 weeks but a healthy boy came from it and am now 17 weeks pg again. I don't think you will really relax 100% at any point I never did if anything I'm more anxious this time but think of all us who have went on to have healthy children and have hope.

iloveberries Mon 21-Mar-16 10:22:55

I understand how you feel.
MMC last yr and 10wks pg now.
I am a wreck.
I try and keep really busy and just let the days pass and remember I am doing all I can to help the pregnancy (eating well, no alcohol etc) and the rest isn't down to me.
Wish you lots of luck xx

ktkaye Mon 21-Mar-16 19:32:26

Hi everyone and thank you for all your lovely replies. I'm not sure why I imagined that a book would help (let's blame the hormones?!) but it's certainly comforting to hear other's experiences. I guess that just as I looked for something to take away the pain of losing my first pregnancy (and clearly there wasn't anything) I'm now desperately trying to find something which makes me less anxious that the whole thing will happen again.
As you've all said, one day at a time and there isn't anything any of us can really do except stay healthy and rested. Today I called and spoke to my GP who has now referred me to my local maternity unit for booking. That was scary, admitting that it's actually happening.
flowers for all of your losses and fingers crossed for healthy pregnancies all round

iloveberries Mon 21-Mar-16 20:07:24

One thing you could do is ask GP to refer you for an early scan due to your anxiety...
If you're 5 weeks now then a scan at 8.5 could break up the huge gap between now and 12 weeks. Or have a private one if you can. I had a scan at 9 weeks and it's helped reassure me - even though I know I could still have a MMC it broke up the big gap between finding out and the 12 wk scan. I really feel for you though - it's fantastic to fall pregnant and I feel so blessed but at the same time I'm full of nerves!

riddles26 Mon 21-Mar-16 21:30:20

I am in the same boat as you. We were ttc for 2 yrs when I eventually fell pregnant last October to then miscarry in December. When I missed my period in Feb, I couldn't even bring myself to do a test - I had convinced myself that I couldn't lose anything if I didn't know I was pregnant. As I had stopped alcohol and was still taking vitamins there wasn't anything more I could do if I did know.

Since I plucked up the courage to test, we have just taken it one day at a time, telling ourselves that this is a new pregnancy and there is nothing to suggest the same will happen again. Even when the mc risk is greater, the majority of pregnancies still result in a healthy baby and just keep focusing on that.

I did have a private scan at 8 weeks (just after the point where I lost the first time) and we saw a heartbeat. Now I just keep going over the fact that 97% of those who see a hb at 8 weeks take home a baby. The fear that I could be one of the 3% is always going to stay with me but when I feel most vulnerable, I just keep telling myself that statistic.

I completely understand what you mean about admitting it is actually happening - I didn't tell GP or do a midwife referral until after my scan. This is the first time I am posting on here that I am pregnant as I am so anxious I will jinx it, sounds stupid I know.

Have a scan if it will give you reassurance - I kept fluctuating between wanting one for reassurance and not wanting to know if anything was wrong. We were going to Europe for a short break so I eventually decided to have one just before we left for peace of mind

DUSTIN Mon 21-Mar-16 22:00:07

I understand how hard it is to stay positive when you have suffered a mc. I have struggled with infertility and 3 mc's but now have 2 beautiful children. Each time I was pregnant I was full of anxiety and couldn't get excited about being pregnant as I was so scared of something going wrong. Early scans helped to give reassurance and listening to self hypnosis cd's for relaxation.

Quodlibet Tue 22-Mar-16 03:40:43

I also had a MMC before my daughter's pregnancy and suffered from anxiety and depression. It is horrid and you have my sympathy.

A few things that might help:

Firstly it is natural to feel grief for your MMC. I think anxiety and depression can get worse when we don't let ourselves feel grief properly and try to get over it too quickly.
A book that really helped me on that front was Unspeakable Losses by Kim Kluger Bell. She writes about all kinds of pregnancy loss and the difficulties that arise because they are not really acknowledged in the same way as any other loss. Really helpful book.

Secondly, don't be afraid to seek help. See your GP - you may be able to be referred for some CBT for your anxiety. I also found this helpful.

A good book about anxiety (often recommended by CBT therapists) is Robert leahy's The Worry Cure. Also really helpful.

I hope you get the support you need. Big hugs - it will get better.

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