I last posted on New Year's Eve having just found out I was pregnant naturally after 8 years of infertility. I should be over the moon, I,ve imagined this time in my head for such a long time. But I'm hating every second. I'm now almost 15 weeks pregnant and have felt permanently, constantly, nauseous for 9 weeks. Had one hospital admission when I couldn't actually keep water down but not thrown up since, just feel it. I,ve had 2 absences from work and if I have a 3rd I'll apparently be in a disciplinary but I just feel so awful. I,ve not bonded with the baby at all, I don't want to talk about it, think about it, anything. It IS a very risky pregnancy to my health and I could end up even needing a heart transplant at the end of it (but then again, I could be ok). I was so dismissive if the risks before I fell pregnant, so confident it would all be ok, and now I end every day in tears of pure fear. I found out recently they are going to deliver baby at 34 weeks - DP
Is worried about health impact for baby, I am just glad the hell of pregnancy will be over sooner. All I keep thinking is about what I won't be able to do once baby is here. I feel like I have ruined our lives. Yet I was heartbroken by my infertility, really devastated. This baby is a miracle, so why am I not happy and will this make me the worst mother in the world? I have 1 week keft to decide whether to continue with the oregnancy. I know I have to really but if it was just up to me I wouldn't - I feel THAT bad mentally and physically.
Does anyone understand or am I just an evil person?
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Hard to admit but I'm hating this
39 replies
Ipushedmygrannyaffabus · 13/03/2016 00:06
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