Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.
Who did you tell before 12 week scan?(34 Posts)
Hey. I'm a long time lurking and this is my first post.
DH and I are just starting ttc but I was wondering what to do if/when we get a bfp in regards to telling people.
I know it is sensible to wait until you have had your 12 week scan but due to the nature of my job I would need to tell work ASAP. I know they would be discreet but I would feel weird telling work colleagues but not close family and friends.
What have you done in regards to telling people?
We told our parents and our sisters, I'd have wanted their support if anything had happened either way. I also told my manager.
We told our parents, siblings, closest friends and my line manager at work. My take on it was I'd want their support if I had a miscarriage. Told my line manager so she wouldn't pile on the work and because I was so knackered.
After 12 weeks told aunts, grandparents etc and didn't 'announce' to anyone else as I just felt silly, but if there was an easy opportunity then I said. I just hoped the news would spread and it did mostly.
I didn't announce it at all - I told work I was feeling unwell, went on nights out and didn't drink (which no one found odd because I had been feeling unwell). Gradually just mentioned it to people in passing.
It's a big deal if you make it one.
I was the same as you OP. I had to tell my work when I was 5 weeks pregnant. I just told my line manager and a couple of colleagues I'm close to and they helped to deflect attention from the fact that I had effectively changed jobs overnight. People work it out though, I don't think anyone was surprised when I did tell them at 12 weeks.
Outside of work we both told our parents and that's it.
With my first pregnancy we planned not to tell anybody until after the 12 week scan but I started to miscarry and I need support from my friends and sister so I told them what was happening. With my second pregnancy I told two closest friends straight away as I need their emotional support.
First three we told lots of people before 12 weeks
Now 7+1 with DC4 and only dp and my boss know
Just not feeling he urge to broadcast
When we announced DC3 alot of people asked why instead of saying congratulations it's a bit off puttin
First time round I had to tell work at a very early stage, there was no way around it. Had also told both families.
Second time, told both families.
I don't necessarily agree that it is 'sensible' to wait until your 12 week scan, it is entirely a personal decision, there are no rules. Some people are very judgemental though (not saying you are OP!) about women telling people before their 12 week scan, as if somehow they have no right to say they are pregnant until 12 weeks have passed. That makes me mad, as really it is no one's business but the person concerned.
Just my mum, and then everyone else after 12 - but my job is low risk and luckily my morning sickness was just nausea so relatively easy to disguise. Good luck x
I'm 10 weeks now and have told a few close friends and both sets of parents. I won't tell work or colleagues until after 12 weeks scan, but that's more to do my boss not being able to keep a secret!!
Parent and siblings. Close work colleagues and boss, I'd been poorly and was starting to show anyway. Gym instructors, obviously.
I told my parents, his parents and our respective siblings the day we got the bfp. I also told work the same week and most of my colleagues new from early on. I would have told people if anything went wrong anyway and we were so excited.
I didn't have much choice when telling work though because I'm a mental health nurse and theres an inherent level of risk (as in violence from patients towards staff)that has to be managed so the quicker my risk.assessment and adjustments were made the better.
As pp said it's a very personal choice. If the worst happens would you want support from family/friends? If the answer is yes then I don't see any sense in waiting till 12 weeks. But that's me
I told my mum and dad and sister at about 6 weeks (I was due to be my sister's bridesmaid next week when I'll be 37+3 so thought it was only fair I let her know early so she could decide what she wanted to do).
Didn't tell other family members or work until well after the 12 week scan (but to be honest by about 14/15 weeks some of my colleagues - I'm a doctor - had twigged anyway, despite the fact that I wasn't showing).
If you would want someone's support if you have an early miscarriage I think it's entirely sensible to tell them you're pregnant even before the 12 week scan.
Pretty much no one with mine so far. This is because we told my parents and pil we were having trouble ttc and swore then to secrecy. When we announce I am pregnant with dc1 we find out mil had told the entire family - cousins, aunties elc all the details consequently with ds2 my mum and best friend knew before 12 wks - best friend mostly because I was on a hen night although I think the decaf coffee was the biggest giveaway
And now with dc3 I will be 11 weeks tomorrow, scan on thurs and only me and dh know
Due to my job I had to tell some people straight away and am having to tell more as the days go by. I am a Vet Nurse so handle a lot of dangerous chemicals, xrays, anaesthetic gases etc. I too felt weird about having told colleagues and not all of my nearest and dearest. I decided to tell the family and a few select close friends that I knew would support me if anything happened. Other factor for me was that we were struggling with infertility and about to be referred for Ivf etc and some of my closest friends were aware of this so were asking for updates and I felt wrong lying to them. There is no hard and fast rule. Do what you feel comfortable with and speak to the people you think you could face speaking to if any troubles arise.
Dh and I told our parents, as we knew we'd want their support anything went wrong. A friend and one if my sister's also guessed, as I really wasn't myself. There really is no right or wrong I think, just whatever feels right for you both
I'm wishing I hadn't had to tell people. We tried for 2 and a half years and had 2 X mc and didn't tell any family about them just a couple of friends. I was forced into telling work due to a work trip to a zika country planned and so had to spill the beans at 8w which is not what I wanted to do. Also had my appraisal last week and it has made zero difference to my manager, he still expects 11 hour days plus admin at home in the evenings and weekends. Would definitely not have told them if it hadn't been for this trip. Also I told my parents after a private 10w scan which again I'm regretting doing. My mum is the worst with other people's stories and within 24 hours the entire family knew. I'm pretty annoyed, it isn't her story to tell, she doesn't seem to understand the importance of the 12w scan (Thursday), she also said she would tell no one when we broke the news . Next time (hopefully there will be a next time) I won't tell my family and hopefully won't have to tell work either and will keep quiet. Just don't forget, you can't un-tell them.
Best of luck whatever you decide
During my recent pregnancy Me and my hubby had a scan at 8 weeks but didn't tell anybody until after the 12 week scan, and tried not to get too ahead of ourselves. This was because we had a still birth 5 years earlier.
I think it's just personal choice.
I'm only 6 weeks but have told my mum and my 3 closest friends. I've had 2 miscarriages and need their support if this one goes that way too.
I don't understand why people say to wait until 12 weeks. Tell people whenever you want to tell them!
I told work, due to my job and we told our best friends. We also told DHs gran, who was dying - it was the last thing I said to her before she passed away 10 days later.
I had a scan at 7 weeks, where we saw a heartbeat so then we told my mum and DHs parents. Told other close friends and family at 12 week scan and everyone else after the 20 week scan/ when I started showing.
We only told the people who we would have told should I miscarry, that didn't include our parents.
No one this time (8+3) and didn't last time either.
I think it's entirely up to you and how you feel when you get your BFP.
When pregnant with DS we were so excited and told close family and a few close friends straight away. I was close with my manager at the time and also told her asap. It was fine and very exciting and happy time.
For some reason we decided not to tell anyone during my 2nd pregnancy. I told my mum and sister but that was it. Then I had a miscarriage at 11.5 weeks and was very unwell, admitted to hospital via a&e. I needed support from family and friends, help looking after DS and was signed off work for 2 weeks so had to explain my absence to my boss and other concerned colleagues and I decided to be honest. So in the end, everyone knew anyway, and I actually needed a lot of support and was hugely grateful.
I am pregnant again, and have decided to tell those people that I needed support from with the miscarriage. My close family, a few friends and my manager (but not other colleagues). I am going to wait until we have had the 12 week scan before we tell wider family and other friends/colleagues.
It definitely helps to have some people know so you can have support of u need it, and that's not just In case it all goes wrong. It helps to have people understand if ur not feeling well, if you need time off for scans/blood tests etc. And also - it is lovely to have people to discuss it with, to plan things and to get excited.
But just wait and see how you feel when you get ur BFP. Good luck
This time round we only told a friend (who looked after our son whilst we went for the scan) before the 12 wk scan and because we had a late miscarraige last year we still only told parents and our siblings before we had another scan at 17wks.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.