Newbie here- introduction and your thoughts please(11 Posts)
Hello! This is my first post so I'll apologise now if I don't get this quite right.
I'm 25 soon, married last year to my best friend, we've been together 7 years and we own our own home. I feel very very lucky to be in a good place in life at this age.
We've recently started talking about ttc, it's very exciting but my anxiety-ridden brain has gone into overdrive.
I'm the youngest in my office at the HQ of a large well known company, And I've built the foundations for a great career with a very good wage. Theyve invested in me well in terms of training and development so I'd like to think they see potential. My colleagues are 30+ and most are childless. I'm worried they will think differently of me if I get pregnant. I get the feeling most were surprised I got married at 24. Part of me is thinking should I delay ttc for a few years and build up my savings and more of a career as I only graduated 4 years ago.
I'm naturally very maternal, mature for my age, and helped raise my siblings as my dad is blind and mum used to work 2 jobs.
My husband and I are about to move home to a house we've bought in a Lovely village, 100yd from a primary school, and 20mins from both sets of parents. We loved the thought of staying here for the next 10 years plus, with a family, cats, chickens, countryside walks etc.
- my colleagues are very much 'city' people with a heavy drinking culture which I feel quite detached from.
I see the benefits of having kids early so I can have a family life and career in my 30s+.
I'm naturally a worrier, I'm a very anxious person inside but you wouldn't know it if you met me. I know it's silly to care what people think but I over think everything.
This is more of a brain dump than a question I guess, so any thoughts you have are welcome. I am broody but I'm worried my anxiety is clouding that.
I was a little older than you but in a similar position with my first 3 years ago. Always wanted kids, married to my best friend and very settled...BUT felt worried about career etc.
It's a total cliché but there is always a reason NOT to have kids - some matter more than others and for everyone personal circumstances differ.
What I would say is to not look at others at your work but look at what YOU want - where do you see yourself in 3/5/10 years? Is your career something you do prioritise and want to pursue?
If you want kids now do it now - there will never be the 'right time' career wise - you'll always be in the middle of a big project / up for promotion etc. And the other areas of your life (relationship / home / family) are all in place from what you say.
It's a big change having kids but an awesome one. And I'll not lie a FT job is hard, trying to committ to a career and your family can be tiring! But its making sure you always keep your priorities in sight.
Jobs come and go and (without sounding harsh!) loyalty to a job these days doesn't get much reward if redundancies are up etc. Your job could go tomorrow - don't put off life for work. You have parental support and a stable home.
I get terrible anxiety too, so I can relate to your brain dump! Just try to focus on what you both want and how to get there.
Good luck hun xxx
Delay a few years and there'll be a whole new set of reasons why it's not the ideal time. You might even wonder why on earth you didn't do it when things were easier. There's never a perfect time, you just have to go with your gut. If your company has invested in you then they'll want to keep you and will hope you go back after maternity leave. The judgement you see in others sounds like it's more likely to be your anxiety talking.
Firstly, I just want to say how lovely you sound secondly, dd aged 6, says to me often, I wish you'd had me when you were 22, then I would have you for longer! (I was 35 / 37 / 43 having my dcs).
I say go for it you never know how long it will take.
Absolutely go for it. You sound in a much better position than most people TTC! If you want it, and you work hard, your career can always be there. When you're 40/50/60 it won't matter that you got pregnant aged 25/26. Besides, and I talk from experience, you never know how long it will take to get pregnant, so you're definitely better to start younger .
I was in a similar position to you OP. Married at 24 to my DH who I'd been with since I was 19, and had a promising career. We originally planned to start TTC after a year of marriage, but I moved jobs unexpectedly (wasn't looking to move but got approached) and decided I ought to spend at least a year in my new job before we started. It then took us more than a year to get pregnant and I am now 39 weeks pregnant having just turned 29. Actually I am really happy about the way things have turned out. Career wise I am in so much better a place now to be taking a break than I would have been if we'd stuck to the original plan. I'm still younger than most of my colleagues having their first babies but I'm glad with hindsight that we didn't rush into it.
Thank you everyone for being so lovely! I was worried I was opening up a can of worms with this as a first post.
I am worried about conceiving as I stopped having my periods for about a year due to an eating disorder when I was 16 triggered by anxiety. I've always worried if this will cause me issues later on. Then I met my now husband (I was 17 he was 20) and he listened, then marched me to the doctors, drove me to my counselling, and gave me space to breathe when I needed it and was there when I needed him. Sounds soppy but he's the best
I would love nothing more than to have a family with him. In 5 years I definitely see us with a kid on muddy walks, making a mess but having fun. I know that sounds dreamy and a bit silly but that's all I want in life really
I guess I'm worried I'd be throwing my very good job away but a few of you gave a good point about jobs coming and going, loyalties change etc.
I always plan my life around others (take time off to do school runs so my parents can have a rare much needed break, would never take a holiday if a big project was coming up at work or someone had handed in their notice, always take the extra workload to ensure its delivered on time and to its best ability etc).
Sorry - another accidental brain dump!
Haha, your collegues would be shocked if they met me getting married at 20! If you both feel ready then I say go for it life is too short to worry what others may think (I really need to listen to this advice myself actually), and you sound in a wonderful position to start a family.
I also had worries about being able to start a family, as in my teens I also had an eating disorder (anorexia) where my periods stopped for months at a time/were very irregular. But when Dh and I started trying it happened right away! Obviously I know this doesn't happen for everyone, but just to reassure you that past ed doesn't necessarily mean you'll have a difficult time concieving, as long as you're a healthy weight and currently having periods. Like you, my maternal instinct has always been very strong, and my dream has always been to be a wife and mother. I have dealt with bad anxiety in the past, but I'm really in such a good place now and 24 weeks pregnant. I wish you all the best
Thank you butterflylove16 - your reassurance has been lovely to read.
What a lovely start to mn! Thank you
Personally, I would wait, but I am coloured by my own experience. I pushed my career first, travelled lots, moving where the amazing opportunities were and not having to worry about uprooting kids (not that it's impossible to do this with a family- it's just more challenging.) I am now at a more settled part of my working life and I'm at a place in my career where taking some time to have a child will not adversely affect things for me, and I am so so glad I waited. But I definitely wasn't ready for kids at your age, whereas you sound like you might be, so we are perhaps very different people! What does your gut feeling say to you?
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