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What would you do unexpected pregnancy

(13 Posts)
Needtochangenameforthis Sat 27-Feb-16 10:29:13

I have a baby just turned a year and I've found myself unexpectedly pregnant! Really unexpectedly! I'm 43 so tbh DP and I didn't think for a moment we would conceive by doing the deed once in a month and outside of that window, or so we thought! Stupid I know. Dr told me she sees women in their 40's who have made that mistake all the time. Financially we're having a really tough time, the worst we've ever experienced. I've always been the higher earner out of the two of us and my contract ended when i took maternity leave so we've lived on his earnings and my savings for the last year, my savings have almost run out now so I'm frantically job hunting at the moment. DP is self employed and has had 4 terrible months (again!), made a loss each month despite working his nuts off! This is a whole other topic!

I'm now 8 weeks, DP feels we can't afford another baby and wants to head down the termination route. I feel it will be tough but things will pick up and you can't terminate a pregnancy for financial reasons especially at our ages as it will possibly be our last chance. Our first child took 2 years and one mc to get here. What if we're in a much better financial position in a years time? Would we regret it?

I just want to know what other people would do and if you can give me a different perspective as can't tell anyone in real life.

Thank you x

GoodStuffAnnie Sat 27-Feb-16 10:35:15

I would definitely have it.

My dh would get a job. Any job. Sainsburies. At least then he'd be working and not making a loss. Claim tax credits. I would work till I was 8 months pregnant (if it made financial sense). I would save save save. I wouldn't spend a penny. All second hand. Downsize your house. Go hang out on Moneysavingexpert old style board. I would see it as a financial challenge.

I suspect you will say your dh will not get another job. He needs to man up and suck it up and squash his ego down. Your new motto should be " does it make the boat go faster?" If it doesn't make a positive impact £ don't do it. Or why don't you go back to work full time and dh at home? You have to work together, but it will be fun!

Finola1step Sat 27-Feb-16 10:41:53

No one can tell you what to do, but you know that.

I will tell you what I would do if it happens to me.

I'm nearly 42 with two dc at primary school. Both dh and I are self employed and financially comfortable. I use the mini pill because I don't want another pregnancy. So if it happens, I doubt I would continue with the pregnancy because that part of my life is over, thank goodness.

I enjoyed being pregnant. But didn't enjoy the baby years that much. Have a great time with my two dc and am very happy with my lot.

So in your situation, the big question would be how will things pick up? Do you know it will or is it blind faith?

Junosmum Sat 27-Feb-16 10:55:49

Do want another child? That's the basis you need to make the decision on. Any other basis and you'll regret it.

Finances CAN be worked out, and 7months is a good amount of time to get saving.

BeardMinge Sat 27-Feb-16 12:08:50

It's really down to whether you feel your family is complete with one child or not. Realistically, at 43, it may not happen again.

I speak as someone who is 42, has a 15 month old, and is still dithering about whether another try would be a good move. If I did conceive now, I'd have to go ahead with it (even though I suspect I would be faintly horrified), just because i wouldn't bet on it happening again, even though it would scupper us a bit financially.

dats Sat 27-Feb-16 12:24:45

What Junosmum said.

I'm 20w with DC2 at 43, DC1 is 23m. It's going to be tough tough tough financially but we will manage.

Congrats and good luck flowers

elevenweekstogo Sat 27-Feb-16 12:27:40

From the way you've written your OP - I'd say go for it!

Artioo2 Sat 27-Feb-16 17:51:55

I'm not sure how much use what other people would do is to you really, because there isn't a right or wrong answer, but in your situation I would continue with the pregnancy without hesitation. Financial situations can be changed but if you terminated and then regretted it but couldn't conceive again, you couldn't do anything to change that.

GoingLoopyQuickly Sat 27-Feb-16 19:24:17

Go with your heart not your wallet. You and dp can make it work financially if you want to.

Tatie3 Sat 27-Feb-16 20:57:03

It sounds to me like you do want this baby. Financially things could be so different 7 months from now so I wouldn't want to make a decision based on your current financial situation.

LucyBabs Sat 27-Feb-16 21:04:31

Hi op honestly you can have a termination no matter the reason. Its your choice and you don't need to justify it to anyone.

Anyway it sounds like you would like to go ahead and have the baby.
Is your dp adamant he doesn't want another child or is it for him just the wrong time?
As a pp said what's right for you will be wrong for someone else.
Have the conversation with your dp.

Personally I would have an abortion but that's because I have two dc and I am finished now.

Best of luck with your decision

Imnotmyself Sun 05-Jun-16 21:30:36

Has anyone been in this situation and how did you make the finances work? I am expecting our third which came as a bit of a shock. I realised as soon as I did the test that I feel very finished with the baby phase (I have two kids - 5 and 3). I have worked part-time since the end of my first mat leave. Partly went part-time because the job I was in full-time would have involved a fair bit of travel abroad. For the past five years I have done 'bits and bobs' at work, as there is no definite part-time job for the one that I did six years ago - which no longer exists anyway. Childcare costs have gone up massively since I had my first, so it will knock out most of my pt salary. My DH's salary would not cover the bills. Going full-time would add to childcare costs. What has anyone else done to earn extra cash in this kind of situation?

Willberry Sun 05-Jun-16 21:40:06

A friends husband is a SAH dad and sells from the kleenezy catalogue as he can work this round the kids. My friend works full time. Things are tight but at least they don't have to spend on childcare.

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