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is your partner supportive (fourth baby)

(15 Posts)
littleraysofsunshine Sun 21-Feb-16 17:41:29

I just seem like the more children we've had, he just doesn't seem to think it's harder for me. This is our last, but we've had them all in five years. Four big babies, I'm a small frame and carry very frontal and the pressure is unbelievable at the minute. I'm inly 33 weeks but it's taking its toll where they're so close. I cope fine usually, hormones play up a bit but this is triggered by feeling overwhelmed. He works full time but still has a life. He sometimes has this attitude like I just need to get on with it, that it can't be that hard etc.

I've been lucky in my pregnancies but in the last two spd and migraines and now nausea from being anaemic is making it hard but he looks at me like I'm just moaning. That I'm not in pain,

I love him so much, but this attitude winds me up. I feel like just shutting up and not saying anything as when I do he just assumes I'm taking it out in him. Hormones etc.

WordGetsAround Sun 21-Feb-16 17:54:56

If you both decided to have 4 children in 5 years he should support you completely. Was it a mutual decision?

BeautifulLiar Sun 21-Feb-16 20:11:00

I'm pregnant with my fourth and DH has been brilliant this time. He wasn't great last time, but he was only 21; now at 25 he really seems to have grown up. I'm guessing your DH is older though? Tbh as it's the fourth the 'novelty' has probably worn off for him and he can conveniently forget how hard it is for you flowers

Flossiesmummy Sun 21-Feb-16 20:15:55

To illustrate a point to my DH once I made him do everything I did, in as far as it was possible. For a day I made him carry around the equivalent weight, pee when I peed, come into the bathroom with me and watch me vom, he wasn't allowed caffeine or alcohol or any of the banned foods etc. He never behaved like that again. I think he just didn't consider what it's like to be pregnant!

Flowers for you OP thanks

CooPie10 Sun 21-Feb-16 22:09:55

Sorry you are having a tough time . Maybe sit down and have a chat with him about how hard you are finding it. Also maybe allocate some specific tasks for him to do so at least he is helping practically.

Suzietwo Mon 22-Feb-16 04:29:54

Ive certainly had 'well you knew what you were letting yourself in for' but he's generally as supportive this time as he was the first time. If anything I'm less whingy than I was in earlier pregnancies. But I whined a LOT during my first! 4th time round and it's all passing more quickly.

Not long to go now! Just 7-9 weeks for you.

BeautifulLiar Mon 22-Feb-16 06:47:07

Jeez Suzie was it an immaculate conception then?! I get what you mean about the whinginess though. I do seem more stable on that front.

littleraysofsunshine Mon 22-Feb-16 16:00:04

Yeah I just feel like I'm not really having my thoughts taken into consideration much lately.

Maybe it's not pregnancy related, maybe it's just the relationship changing after ten years

littleraysofsunshine Sat 27-Feb-16 09:48:18

So if your partner works mon-fri (unless overtime) leaves house at 6:20 am, I get up with the kids then too, and I'm on SAHM duty / school run.

Not as if I don't leave the house either, or have a job/responsibilities to do too.

So weekend time....

How would you alternate/make fair for lie ins, 'you time' ?

I thought it would be fair me having a lie in, my time Saturday morning as he has child free/his time Saturday afternoon until 6pm. Then Sunday he can have the lie in and we do our usual family day?

And tomorrow he's booked a private job so potentially that wS meant to be my lie in jeopardised then as he was very slow on moving this morning despite him waking once and I was woken three times by littles in the night.

I then burst into tears, as I'm so tired today, heavy pregnant and anaemic. I just feel like it's s " well I didn't exactly sleep, the kids were awake" or a who deserves it most kind of thing.

I then go on, and just get fed up of having to even ask.

I just said that if he was that tired from a week at work, then he shouldn't stay up past twelve most nights and drinking a fair few nights too.

It's as if as we've aged, he's becoming more unaware of how I feel it just doesn't want to consider it unless on his terms. This is only a recent thing really but the change is crazy. Sometimes he 'LL do without me having to hint/ask but I just get the impression that he thinks I get all this glorious rest in the week from somewhere?

So today I am dog tired, weak, and am trying to think of how to make the afternoon fun for the little three without possibly being a moody mare, fainting or just guilty mama.

littleraysofsunshine Tue 01-Mar-16 19:47:04

I'm at the point now where I think I'll be better off alone. Pains me to say but I can't keep feeling like a hinderance.

littleraysofsunshine Sun 06-Mar-16 21:22:18

Another thing is I feel that he's getting fed up of me as I'm so unattached at the minute. Intimately etc. I go to bed early as I'm so knackered and just not interested in anything but trying to snatch rest when I can. No fun to be around at all

littleraysofsunshine Sun 13-Mar-16 10:36:13

Still feel so alone, I really am questioning being on my own I just can't handle it. And hormones are making things feel ten times worse.

I feel guilty when I try to rest if he's home at the weekend with kids

If I rest he will make sure I know about it later on when he needs something doing using it against me

I asked him how he's feeling nearing the birth to see if he's got any thoughts his answer "you've done it three times so it'll be fine"

brookeberry Sun 13-Mar-16 14:12:09

Hi littleray, sorry you are feeling low. I'm pregnant with DC1 and I've read your thread trying to get my head round being pregnant and having 3 DC already. Whatever is happening now, the two of you have made it work - that's an incredible achievement.

You said this change is fairly recent - perhaps, like you, he is feeling a little overwhelmed with DC4 on the way. You must be incredible parents, but 4 DCs in such a short space of time would challenge any relationship.

I think you may be feeling at your worst right now due to hormones and all the things you have to do day to day. I'm knackered and grumpy at 35weeks with no DCs. You probably have to let off steam with a friend in real life, he's maybe stressed too. Any relationship is going to change a little in ten years.

Talk to someone so you don't bottle up your perfectly natural feelings. flowers

littleraysofsunshine Tue 15-Mar-16 06:11:02

Thank you.

I'm just fed up of feeling like I need to ask for help sometimes. He it's doesn't seem interested at all

littleraysofsunshine Sat 19-Mar-16 08:44:27

No one I feel I can talk to to be honest. Hence coming here... I just feel so unprepared this time around. Ironic eh?

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