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Having mum as birthing partner as well as husband

(64 Posts)
Inwaiting Mon 15-Feb-16 13:50:04

Any thoughts?

I'm kind of 50/50. I'd love my mum to be there for support and guidance on 'd' day but also wonder whether it should just be my husband and I. My mum and I are very close.

Just wondered what you did and whether you think I'd regret it either way?

AJ279 Mon 15-Feb-16 13:55:25

I did. My mum was going to be at the hospital anyway and had been coming with my OH for a few days to see me as I was being induced. I was 50/50 as I didn't want anything taken away from DP so we'd said she would leave when I was in labour. Came to D day and she said she wouldn't mind staying, DP looked relieved as his parent were travelling through and he could nip and see them while I had someone with me. It was more relaxed as they could both nip out as and when and I was never alone. Worked for us. Would have just me and DP next time though as my mum was traumatised gringrin it's a very personal thing- just make sure you know 100% your partners opinions on it!

sepa Mon 15-Feb-16 13:56:02

I have asked my mum to come but asked OH before asking her.
I have said to OH that if he finds it too much with mum there then he needs to say something to me/mum as this is his child.

If your OH doesn't have any objections and you having your mum there would help you then I see no reasons as to not ask her

Everythinggettingbigger Mon 15-Feb-16 13:56:55

I had my mum there and she was a god send, I was in a bit of a state at one point and she sorted me out doing all the things I would not have liked my DP to have done (water gushing out of me while sitting on the toilet while vomiting into a bowl, missing because I was dizzy, standing up and losing my plug on the floor of the bathroom.....such a magical time) I think I would have been traumatised had my DP had to clean me up. Hoping things are slightly smoother this time but definitely want my mum there again she was worth her weight in gold!

GoingLoopyQuickly Mon 15-Feb-16 13:59:26

It depends on the relationship you have with your mum. I love my mum dearly but she would have driven me loopy and be no help at all. I also feel for us, again it is personal, it a private affair for my family unit (DP, baby, me and DS depending how quick it happens )

bippitybopityboo Mon 15-Feb-16 14:03:26

My mum and I are extremely close and she's coming in with DH and I. DH I think is very relieved as we're both very nervous and my mum will provide a level head during my labour. Also my mum would never take anything away from DH and will understand when to Sir back and let it be us. I wouldn't have it any other way!
Good luck!

CoodleMoodle Mon 15-Feb-16 14:08:12

I was with DM when I went into labour, and she drove me to the hospital. DH met us there from work. They both stayed with me the whole time and I was happy about it.

It was an awful labour and by the end I didn't give a shit who was there! Glad they both were though, especially afterwards. They took turns holding DD and comforting me when I was being stitched up.

Next time (if!) though she'll have DD and DH will be with me (all being well).

Didiusfalco Mon 15-Feb-16 14:08:20

I had my mum. Dh is terrible with hospitals, blood etc and not sure how he would cope hmm so he was the one who wanted my mum. As it turned out he was a great birthing partner but was still grateful that my mum was there so he could take a break and for support when it got a bit stressful. Would say it entirely depended on the relationsip between the two of you and your mum though as to whether it is a good idea!

BaskingTrout Mon 15-Feb-16 14:15:02

as others have said, its a very personal decision and depends on the relationship between all of you, including how your dh gets on with your mum.
one thing to consider is that, if unfortunately things don't go totally to plan, and you end up having to go to theatre, its likely only one person will be allowed to come with you. just make sure you know who that will be beforehand, and that everyone else knows and is ok with it.

Paperblank Mon 15-Feb-16 15:04:20

My mum will be with DH and I.

I've always wanted her to be with me and DH is happy for her to be there. In fairness my DM is very levelheaded and she has recently retired from nursing. She will keep me calm and focused. DH is fabulous in tines of crisis but he's not very good when I'm in pain and I can see him getting upset if he thinks I am struggling.

It helps massively that my DM (and DF) and DH have a fantastic relationship. Mum will take a step back at the right time and we are looking forward to sharing this with her.

Dixiechick17 Mon 15-Feb-16 15:05:54

I had my Mum and DH there. Am glad I dis, main reason being my Mum can recall the birth really well... whereas my DH is kind of fuzzy on the labour itself :D

It was good to have the support and my Mum actually cut the cord as DH wasn't keen.

maybebabybee Mon 15-Feb-16 15:07:09

I'm due to give birth in a few weeks and I'll be having them both there. Never occurred to me not to tbh. DP is fine with it, I think he'll be glad of the extra support. He is lovely and supportive but not very assertive - my mum is very assertive so I am counting on her to stand up for my choices a bit more.

Dixiechick17 Mon 15-Feb-16 15:07:24

Also My Mum got my Dad to pick her up shortly after my DD arrived, which gave my DH and I time to be just the three of us for a little while.

Doublebubblebubble Mon 15-Feb-16 15:24:47

I did for my DD 7 years ago. She was soooooooooooooooooo (<-- literally) annoying. Saying "oh when I had you this was done like that etc). So glad the labour was 4.5 hours. Needless to say I haven't Invited her to another labour.. If you have a good relationship with your dm op go for it xx

LittleGreyCatwithapinkcollar Mon 15-Feb-16 20:36:36

I had both. Was perfect for us. My mum had elcs with both me and my sister so had never been through a labour herself. She was great. Sat in the corner and let dh lead but have him and me reassurance, held my hand while dh held the monitor on me while I was pushing and cut the cord as dh didn't want to. smile

GrouchyKiwi Mon 15-Feb-16 20:44:32

Mum came with us for DD1 (she came across to the UK to be there to help out for the first few weeks). I am eternally grateful she was as DH got a little bit flustered and didn't know what to do. Mum showed him how to rub my back, helped with the breathing, and kept me calm when I was getting too grumpy.

I missed her in some ways with DD2, though this time DH knew what to do except he kept trying to sleep when I was having continuous contractions.

Mum will be across coincidentally when DC3 is due so I'll have her with me this time too.

bunnyrabbit93 Mon 15-Feb-16 22:20:05

My mum and I are close to. So I had her and OH. It was completely fine and he can go and get a drink and snacks for you and your mum will still be there so your not alone haha. Food tasted a lot better in early labour. All the best

Xmasbaby11 Mon 15-Feb-16 22:23:39

I'd never have my mum there. She used to be a midwife and knows what can go wrong - she would find it too distressing.

For me it was a private event for Dh only, seeing his child being born. It wouldn't occur to me to ask anyone else.

PotteringAlong Mon 15-Feb-16 22:28:25

It didn't even cross my mind to ask my mum to be there. It was nothing to do with her; just me and DH.

SirChenjin Mon 15-Feb-16 22:33:27

I was very close to my mum but it was a very special time just for DH and I to welcome our children into the world - I never thought of asking her, tbh. Plenty of time afterwards for parents and in-laws.

Only you can decide though.

SirChenjin Mon 15-Feb-16 22:34:44

Well - you and your husband, he's got to feel comfortable with her being there too imo.

Lj8893 Mon 15-Feb-16 22:34:45

My mum said that if I wanted her there she would be there for me but she would rather not as would find it too distressing seeing me in pain. As it was I decided I didn't want her there as she can have a tendency to take over and I didn't think that would be fair for dh.

I had quite a traumatic birth and dd needed resuscitating, It affected DH much more than me and he has said if we have another child he doesn't think he can be at the birth and so I would have my mum there instead.

shggg245 Mon 15-Feb-16 22:36:14

My advice is def don't do it. My mum is a highly strung, emotional type and we were too easy going (daft) to say no. God knows what she expected - perhaps gently mopping my brow and sprinkling rose water.

16 hours later baby in distress, emergency c section and one hysterical mother - it all became too much. So unless your mother (and your partner) have the patience of saints I'd say avoid at all costs.

shggg245 Mon 15-Feb-16 22:38:48

Still love her though :-) good luck.

FreshHorizons Mon 15-Feb-16 22:39:04

I am very close to my mother but it was a private time for me and DH, she has had that 3 times herself so afterwards is fine.

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