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positive test - Gutted

(45 Posts)
Lsmummy30 Mon 25-Jan-16 19:48:08

Things happen for a reason and I'm trying to focus on the upside to being pregnant. I have just got a positive test and haven't felt this low in a very long time. I am gutted. I was looking forward to so many things this yr that are not pregnancy friendly. 3 weddings (I'm part of) 3 hen dos, races and a group holiday. I have finally tackled my weight and getting in the swing of being back at work since my 1st baby. My husband isn't too happy about the situation either. There's a big black cloud over what should be a happy and exciting time. I feel guilty for feeling like this which isn't helping.
Tell my things will improve. It's been 1 week and I'm feeling worse each day

NorthernLurker Mon 25-Jan-16 19:58:51

Ok well do you want to continue with the pregnancy? A lot of what you mention, you can still do whilst pregnant though you might have to change how you do it. But if actually the issue is that you don't want another child this year, next year, ever then you don't have to continue the pregnancy.

It may be though that you don't particularly want the pregnancy but you don't not want it. I think that sort of ambivalence is actually a lot more common than we think. You will read quite a lot of posts on here from women whose partners are not happy about the pregnancy but welcome the baby. It's like that for some women too though it's much harder for women to say as much because we're supposed to be thrilled to be pregnant blah blah.

So what I'm saying I suppose is think about your options. If you're carrying on with the pregnancy then don't feel guilty about being less than thrilled. The timing sucks. But that will pass and you have the rest of the pregnancy to get used to the idea. Use that time to adjust your plans as a couple and don't for one moment beat yourselves up about it.

sizethree Mon 25-Jan-16 20:14:46

There's a board called pregnancy choices that you can find here... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy_choices
It may be helpful with options as generally this board is for planned / wanted pregnancies.
Not meaning to out you in anyway, just thought you may get more similar scenarios and understanding there.

Penfold007 Mon 25-Jan-16 20:18:51

Then, put bluntly, do something about it.

Junosmum Mon 25-Jan-16 20:18:55

I think northern has said it all really! Nothing to add just to agree that you are not 'wrong' for feeling this way!

Chelsey24 Mon 25-Jan-16 20:27:04

I'm a little confused as to why you have allowed yourself to get pregnant when it seems like its the last thing you and your partner have wanted. Apologies if that sounds harsh I just hear these stories so often and can't help but feel for the little one.
I don't think you will both ever be able to fully appreciate this pregnancy if you never really wanted it however think this will change for you quicker than it will for your partner.
I think you will both have to face up and embrace the situation, both your responsibilities, you have created this life and need to think of your unborn baby now.
I think once the baby is here you will both have a completely different view and will be so glad you went through with it and it will all have been worth every second thought. I hope you do.

Good luck X

Alice1983 Mon 25-Jan-16 20:37:52

I wanted to be PG for a while but as nothing was happening i kind of did like you and made loads of plans...when i did find out i was PG i was slightly gutted for all the things i couldnt do anymore or wouldnt enjoy as much ...and even got up set a couple of times, but nevertheless i am now quite happy doing nothing at all grin and relaxing

MaryPoppinsPenguins Mon 25-Jan-16 20:45:45

You can do all those things pregnant... I am a big drinker and love big occasions like weddings etc but when pregnant had a few and still had an amazing time.

So, if that's the only issue, it's not a huge one.

Weight can be controlled in pregnancy... My SIL knew she was getting married a few months after birth and was very careful not to over indulge and was back to her pre pregnancy size within about 8 weeks.

But if it's a bigger worry than these things... Then you do have options as others have said.

motherinferior Mon 25-Jan-16 20:47:42

What Penfold said. You have options - you do not have to be pregnant if you don't want to be.

VoldysGoneMouldy Mon 25-Jan-16 20:49:12

You can still do all those things whilst pregnant, just in a different way. So those aren't really issues.

Do you think this is just hormones talking, or does it go deeper than that?

Lsmummy30 Mon 25-Jan-16 21:13:17

I don't not want it. it's just not how I expected this yr to go. Chelsea24, how did I LET this happen? I'm on contraception and thought everything was going a ok. These things happen and I'm sure a lot of woman will agree. I am hoping telling people will make things easier. Been feeling anxious about announcing it.

GingerCuddleMonsterThe2nd Mon 25-Jan-16 21:20:34

Well if you want the baby, and are just a bit gutted your plans are going to have to change and your contraception failed, don't worry. It will be fine, it will take some adjusting and I'm sure as bump grows and kicks and glitters are felt the exitment will gradually build. smile

Just chalk it up to , this is what happens in life sometimes, it all goes a little off course but I'm sure it will be fine flowers

GingerCuddleMonsterThe2nd Mon 25-Jan-16 21:21:23

Flutters that should read, I really don't think glitter in your womb is a good idea blush

nameschangerer Mon 25-Jan-16 21:28:09

I was in the exact same situation as you OP. Now, 4.5 months later I am really enjoying being pregnant. I actually don't care as much about the weddings etc. It took me till about week 18, once morning sickness had fully subsided. Inconvenient timing yes but I focused on all the good reasons for having a second baby sooner and that cheers me up.

Chelsey24 Mon 25-Jan-16 21:39:00

Like I say, didn't mean to sound harsh I just struggle to relate to not being thrilled with such news, probably because it took me so long to fall on.

I understand these things do happen and I genuinely do hope the shock settles in for you and this time in a few days you will be ecstatic once you have a plan together and have got your head round it

Thisismyfirsttime Mon 25-Jan-16 23:03:56

Are you considering not going ahead with the pregnancy? Or just venting about it not being the right time? Both are ok of course but just wondering whether you're weighing up your options or not.

ZiggyFartdust Mon 25-Jan-16 23:06:54

I'm a little confused as to why you have allowed yourself to get pregnant when it seems like its the last thing you and your partner have wanted. Apologies if that sounds harsh I just hear these stories so often and can't help but feel for the little one

Apologies my foot, thats a really shitty comment to make.

Chelsey24 Tue 26-Jan-16 07:38:34

Completely entitled to my opinion ziggystardust as is everyone else.

There will be a lot of women on this forum that have struggled to conceive or may be still struggling that will find it hard read this post.

Funinthesun15 Tue 26-Jan-16 07:43:52

There will be a lot of women on this forum that have struggled to conceive or may be still struggling that will find it hard read this post

I am one of those 'lots of women'

I have struggled to conceive had late miscarriages and lost babies. I also think your comment was off.

Wishing you all the best OP.

Dreamonastar Tue 26-Jan-16 07:44:16

Pregnancy is going to be received differently by different people, because, shockingly, we ARE all different and have different circumstances.

An affluent couple who have been trying for years are going to be over the moon whereas a woman who was sexually assaulted in her teens might feel differently.

Obviously those are two extreme cases but most of us fall between. I bloody HATE being pregnant but like the end product.

hesterton Tue 26-Jan-16 07:44:45

There may be Chelsea but that doesn't disallow the op from her situation. If you were nursing two people, one with a leg amputation and one with toothache, you wouldn't withhold support to the one with toothache because of the one with the missing leg.

And your X at the end was very passive aggressive, as was your faux apology.

hownottofuckup Tue 26-Jan-16 07:55:08

Some struggling to conceive has naff all to do with others struggling to get to grips with a surprise pregnancy I'm afraid.
Both are difficult for the people they effect.

OP I let myself get pregnant too when contraception and the MAP failed. I was gutted.
The baby is still adored though.
Also if your first is still quite little it's lovely having siblings close together.

NorthernLurker Tue 26-Jan-16 07:57:17

Chelsey - you need to get over thinking that because some people struggle to conceive, those for who it happens easily or accidently must simply count their blessings and shut up. Doesn't work like that.
Pregnancy is easy to prevent in theory. But we don't live in theory and in RL unplanned pregnancy happens all the time without anybody 'letting' it happen.

ppandj Tue 26-Jan-16 07:58:53

OP sometimes the feelings can be just about the plan changing, if that makes sense? You build yourself up to be doing one thing and then all of a sudden you're doing something drastically different. Of course that's unnerving and hard. But if you want the baby it will all settle. You'll be fine with the events I should imagine, especially as people will understand and probably be quite lovely to you.

If you don't think it's the best thing for you at the moment then as you know there will be options for you. You know how you want to live your life.

Wishing you all the best and I hope things become clearer for you. You can't help how you feel thanks

Chelsey24 Tue 26-Jan-16 08:17:16

And these are all of your opinions which is fine. This is a message board, not everyone is going to agree all of the time and share the same viewpoints.

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