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pregnant with number 2 and don't know how I feel about it

(19 Posts)
AddictedtoGreys Sun 24-Jan-16 13:01:48

I feel guilt, terrible guilt. This baby was planned, and I found out over Christmas after one month of trying that we are expecting baby #2. I have felt a lot of ups and downs, but mostly I am So anxious about how I am going to manage with a 3 year old and a new born. To a lot of people this will seem ridiculous, easy even, but to me I just feel stressed and worried. I am worried that I won't have the time for my DS that I do now ( I am a SAHP), that he will feel left out and less loved by me because my time is consumed with a baby. I feel sick and exhausted all the time so I feel like I am not having enough fun with DS and he is already missing out. And then I look at people who have many children, and I think if they can do that I can do this. Tell me I'm not the only one to feel like this? confused

BadgerFace Sun 24-Jan-16 13:10:53

I think it's normal to feel like that. It's been just you and DS for such a long time. I felt bad towards the end of my second pregnancy that I was so tired and not as much fun for DD and definitely more irritable and less patient although I tried hard not to be. BUT life with a newborn and a 3 year old is (so far!) way better than being heavily pregnant with a toddler. DD2 is 3 weeks tomorrow. DD1 was 3 the day after DD2 was born so I had the added stress/guilt of missing her birthday (although made it home just in time for cake and presents before bed).

I think that 3 years is a good gap. DD1 is old enough to understand that sometimes she needs to wait when she wants me/my help with something (and I spent the last few months of pregnancy practising this with her so it wasn't a big shock when the baby arrived). She is so far not jealous and her little sister is the first thing she asks for in the morning. DD1 is SO amused by how little DD2's hands, feet and ears are and the giggling it inspires in her is just gorgeous.

Newborns sleep a lot in the day in the first few weeks so you have time to give to the elder child. I think the harder stage will be in six months or so when DD2 is mobile and can grab/wreck toys and games DD1 is playing...!

AddictedtoGreys Sun 24-Jan-16 13:47:00

Thank you badgerface it's nice to here someone from the other side and know that you are doing well

Jenjen85 Sun 24-Jan-16 17:17:58

AddictedtoGreys I feel exactly the same found out boxing day I'm expecting DC2 (wasn't trying had coil in so HUGE shock) we live in a 2 bed house so stressing get about where new child will fit and also worrying how DD will react as she will be 3 just before DC2 arrives and also starting school nursery. I know I can do it but it terrifies the life out of me. Trying to think how I'll manage a newborn and getting DD ready for nursery first thing in a morning

JessicaLeo1980 Sun 24-Jan-16 17:33:49

I'm the same. My son will be nearly 3 when my newborn comes and I'm terrified. He is in full tantrum stage now and it is so tiring and I'm already dreading it with a newborn. We also have a dog who needs walking so that is even more added stress. I'm just hoping the new baby will be chilled and out and the exact opposite of my son as I don't know how I will cope if I have two of them that are high maintenance! I feel guilty for feeling this way as I know it will be lovely for him to have a brother or sister and eventually I hope they will be the best of friends but hormones and feeling exhausted all the time doesn't help at the moment :-S

Elfishpresley Sun 24-Jan-16 20:53:08

If it makes you feel a bit better, DC1 will only be one when DC2 arrives confused
Not planned and not sure how I am going to cope but I'm sure I will as will you as us mums are like real life superheroes grin

Pawpatroller Sun 24-Jan-16 21:02:08

I've been there and felt your worry. We have a 22 month gap between dc1 and dc2. I felt uneasy and a little sad for dc1 throughout my pregnancy. Now they are 2 and just turned 4 though they are brilliant together. They're like a little team. I'm so glad they have each other.
I'm back to the worrying stage now though, as I'm pregnant with dc3. I look at the first two and wonder how it will affect them, wonder if it will wreck the closeness they have.

AddictedtoGreys Sun 24-Jan-16 21:23:02

Thanks for replying everyone. Sorry I took a while have had a rare child free night! Trying to make the most of it before dc2 arrives. It's nice to here it's not just me feeling like this, and also we are all in the same boat. My DS will turn 3 just before Dc2 arrived also, and he is so headstrong. I just love him so much and I can't imagine how I will be able to love 2 of them as much as I do now! But I keep telling myself that my live won't halve, it will double. Also have a dog to walk so feel your pain on that one hmm we have decided though that this will be last DC as I also have a DSD so 3 al together is enough for us. I should enjoy it and keep telling myself too, but I'm also scared that our happy little bubble will be turned upside down and inside out. I'm just trying not to stress about it. I keep imagining my Dc when they are older and playing together and it makes me happy, it's just the first few months that I am slightly panicking about.

AddictedtoGreys Sun 24-Jan-16 21:24:17

jenjen85 how far along are you? I found out Xmas eve.

Dogsmom Sun 24-Jan-16 22:39:29

I was in a similar situation to you I planned dd2, fell pregnant the first time we tried then as soon as I saw the positive test my first thought was oh shit, I then walked downstairs and saw dd1 playing happily and was so upset at the thought I'd destroyed her happy little life.

It did take a while to come to terms with the pregnancy, dd2 was due on dd1's 2nd birthday but in the end was 9 days earlier.

She's now 10 months old and it's fantastic having two, yes it's hard at times but I always made sure I never pushed dd1 away, if the baby cried which she did an awful lot as she had colic and dd2 needed attention I put the baby down and saw to dd1, the baby didn't know any different and it reassured my eldest that she was still very much loved and taken care of.

Her face was a picture when I bought her sister home from the hospital, pure joy and she's always been so protective of her, yes they have their moments when dd2 now tries to mess with her toys but it's nothing big and I love seeing them interact and the bond between them when they look at each other or cuddle up is wonderful.

There are so many fantastic things about having two and I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do.

HaggisMuncher Sun 24-Jan-16 23:30:10

Totally sympathize, recently found out I'm expecting DC2. Dc1 will be 22 months when it arrives. Although it was planned i Feel a bit like silly teenager having got pregnant so quickly (will have been back at work less than a year...) and no idea how we will cope with two or how we will prepare DC1 for it. Came onto MN to quell midnight panic so good to hear I'm not alone and to hear from others who have done it xx

AddictedtoGreys Mon 25-Jan-16 10:35:31

dogsmom thanks for the positive story, I feel ok about it all and I definitely ant my baby, I just wish we could skip the first 6 months of really bad no sleep and BF every 2 hours! grinwink I loved having a DB and I'm sure my DS will too. He Absolutely adores his DD when she is here. Just hope I can cope really. haggismuncher seems there are a few of us in the same boat. Makes me feel better in not alone anyway.

Jenjen85 Mon 25-Jan-16 14:13:06

AddictedtoGreys I'm 8wks 1 day as I had the coil in they had to scan me so had 3 already, my last being last Thursday so I kinda know when I'm due. We will be fine and I know how you feel about loving a second as much as the first. How far do you think you are? My 12wk scan is on 24th Feb so due around 4th September

AddictedtoGreys Mon 25-Jan-16 14:20:34

jenjen I am 9 weeks tomorrow, don't have my date for my scan yet as I only had my booking in appointment last week. But I am really showing! I have a belly like I did about 14/16 weeks with my first. I'm sure we will be fine. It's just scary as well because this time we know what's coming shockwink

Jenjen85 Mon 25-Jan-16 17:54:59

Ah your slightly ahead of me so hopefully should get a scan round the same time as me. Iv had pregnancy bloat since around 4wks and can no longer fit in my jeans. They say you show quicker with your second. Have you had any morning sickness or anything? Mine kicked in last Monday as I was really bad with DD the Dr has put me on anti sickness tablets already but still feeling quite sick sometimes

AddictedtoGreys Tue 26-Jan-16 08:29:26

Yes I have had a nausea feeling since about 5 weeks but now I only get it in the afternoon/evening. And I feel so tired around 4pm I just want to sleep! But with a 2 year old that isn't possible grinhopefully the sickness will pass soon and the tiredness will get better

Maydream Tue 26-Jan-16 08:32:40

Elfish- I'm in the same situation as you! Unplanned, unexpected and very nervous!

Elfishpresley Tue 26-Jan-16 15:34:54

maydream - It's slightly terrifying isn't it!? I was at a kids party at the weekend and I lost count of how many times people told me that I am going to have my hands full as if I didn't know

How far along are you and what will the age gap be if you don't mind me asking?

Maydream Tue 26-Jan-16 16:21:42

Elfish- I'm 30 weeks blush the age gap is going to be 11 months. I found out late that I was expecting (5 months), as I hadn't had a period since DS was born and didn't have any weight gain or feel any movements.

We were both gobsmacked, I've been on the pill since DS was around 5 weeks. To say we were shocked is an understatement. DS is our first and I've said no more after this one.

I've also had people telling me that I'm going to have my hands full like I didn't already know this.
What about you?

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