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Those with DC's - When did you tell them about pregnancy?

(15 Posts)
bessie84 Tue 19-Jan-16 17:03:50

will be 15 weeks tomorrow.

i have 2 dcs from previous marriage, age 10,6.

this pregnancy is an IVF pregnancy, taken 4 years to get. had previous stillbirth and miscarriage so anxiety is shocking, i dont wanna tell em just in case something goes wrong, that way im protecting them, but im also knackered and fat and cant hide it forever i guess?

im so anxious about telling dcs, but cant keep it hidden at same time, esp as my belly is huge and even the lollipop man on the school run asked when im due! aarrgghh. people are noticing and asking.

what would you do?

when did you tell DCs?

sorry for the waffle x

Lovelilies2 Tue 19-Jan-16 17:08:42

Congratulations smilethanks

I would tell them, my DD (now 10) guessed each time when I was 6 weeks!
She also knows when we lost a baby.
These things happen, and IMO hiding things from children doesn't help prepare them for real life.
Also if you don't tell the truth about things (weird behaviour, tiredness, irritability) kids will come to their own conclusions and may think they've done something wrong.

Tatie3 Tue 19-Jan-16 17:12:45

I told my 6 and 3 year old DSs after our 12 week scan (where I turned out to actually be 14 weeks pregnant). Youngest had already started making comments about mummy's big tummy so I don't think we could have hidden it any longer.

Congratulations and good luck with your pregnancy!

hellsdells82 Tue 19-Jan-16 17:28:48

I had no choice but to tell mine at 6wks as bang on 6wks i was soooo ill,cue hyperemesis and they knew from my previous pg that i get ill. Also this pg is the rainbow after stillbirth last yr and mmc jan2014. Its mad them more wary but more understanding of the good and bad in life. I have ds 16 and dd 10. Just be ready to answer any questions they have,even they seem quite shocking.kids dont fully understand emotions at the best of times. Congrats and good luck xxx

bluewisteria Tue 19-Jan-16 18:04:18

We told ours, aged 5&3, just after the 20 week scan. We wanted to make sure everything was A-OK before we did. It was hard not telling them for so long, particularly being careful with what we said around them.
I had horrendous hyperemesis so told them I had a tummy bug. I didn't want them to associate baby with making me being so unwell so i didn't mind that white lie! I was worried they might see baby as hurting me somehow.

Also, pregnancy is a VERY long time even to me, so for them 20 weeks was a good time to know and adjust without it going on forever.

I have had 10mc in total and was v anxious especially till the 20 week scan. It was just the right time for us and our family, everyone is different.

It will work out well smile

bessie84 Tue 19-Jan-16 18:51:07

Aaaww wow, thank you for the replies.

lovelillies - thats a great way of putting it, thank you. they do talk about our stillbirth at 42 weeks, their sister. so i know they know things can go wrong, its just horrendous when it happens.

tatie - lol at your your youngest making comments, little dears arent they. ha. congratulations to you.

hellsdells - so so sorry for your losses. and well done to your DCs been so wonderful. aaww i totally know what your saying, making them more aware. congrats on your rainbow.

bluewisteria - WOWWEE - 10 M/CS !!!! YOU POOR LOVE. Im not surprised your anxious. congrats on your rainbow. i was thinking of doing the same, holding out til the 20 week scan, for the same reason with the pregnancy length, its such a long time isnt it, to a child it must seem even longer.

On one hand, id like to keep it secret til as far as possible, but the growing belly and pain (spd and ripped stomach muscles) are a) making it hard to walk and b) making me look HUGE. ALSO, With the whole pregnancy length too, as blue said, its such a long time for us, so must be forever for children. HOWEVER, as a few people have guessed/questioned me already, i really dont want them to hear from someone else. our 20 week scan is in 4 week and 6 days, not that im counting. They do talk about our stillbirth which happened at 42 weeks, she happened before them, so they do know things go wrong.

I am just ABSOLUTELY petrified of telling them / telling others, THEN something go terribly wrong, we've been through hell to get here, Maybe i think i junx it???? does that sound stupid??? i dont want to be that person that people avoid to avoid awkwardness, cross the road so they dont have talk to me, to give THAT sympathy look to, knowing that theyre thinking their so glad it didnt happen to them. BUT again anyway, people are noticing, so i cant get away with hiding it. Junes not that far away, right? :-/

Thank you again for your replies, DH says we can wait til im ready, not sure i will be til its here screaming, will give it some serious thought. THANK YOU LADIES. xxx

bluewisteria Tue 19-Jan-16 19:07:50

Hugs, it is really hard, the whole anxiety/jinxing thing. I found about 16 weeks the hardest, as it was near telling them. Hold out as long as you can. Even with DC3 I had a bump early but it only became really very obvious to everyone else after 20 weeks. I just had to not give a crap that everyone probably assumed I ate all the pies!

You could always think about paying for a private scan if that's an option?

We had the Harmony test so I felt a lot more relaxed than I otherwise would have I think. I was quite calm with my daughters, but for some reason not at all with this one, no idea why.

Don't feel under pressure to decided when you should tell them, it's ok to let it roll. We actually only told 2 friends before the 20 week scan, didn't tell family at all. My aunt was convinced it wasn't planned and I had no idea until 20 weeks hmm.

Take each week as it comes. Hugs.

bluewisteria Tue 19-Jan-16 19:08:06

Hugs, it is really hard, the whole anxiety/jinxing thing. I found about 16 weeks the hardest, as it was near telling them. Hold out as long as you can. Even with DC3 I had a bump early but it only became really very obvious to everyone else after 20 weeks. I just had to not give a crap that everyone probably assumed I ate all the pies!

You could always think about paying for a private scan if that's an option?

We had the Harmony test so I felt a lot more relaxed than I otherwise would have I think. I was quite calm with my daughters, but for some reason not at all with this one, no idea why.

Don't feel under pressure to decided when you should tell them, it's ok to let it roll. We actually only told 2 friends before the 20 week scan, didn't tell family at all. My aunt was convinced it wasn't planned and I had no idea until 20 weeks hmm.

Take each week as it comes. Hugs.

betty10k Wed 20-Jan-16 14:24:01

I told my 3 1/2 year old at 7 weeks, had wanted to tell him straight away as he has been asking for a sibling for a while but my husband stopped me. When i did tell him he was very excited and i told him we were keeping it a secret for a while, am amazed to say he managed to keep it a secret from everyone until recently when he told his nursery friends and key worker he was going to see 'his' baby when we went for our 20 week scan. I know it could have ended badly but i did say that we had to wait and see that the baby was healthy etc etc and there was a chance we might have to say goodbye if it wasn't.

malvinandhobbes Wed 20-Jan-16 14:32:49

My DSs are 9 and 12.

I was very ill in early pregnancy and the 9 year old was getting worried. I had a private 8 week scan and we told them that night, but told them to keep it a secret.

DS12 held it together for about a week and then told all his friends, who immediately told their mothers, and within 2 days acquaintances were stopping me in the grocery store to say congratulations. Small village.

I wasn't ready to share the news with our small community just yet. Luckily the Panorama results came back around then so I could be a bit more relaxed.

I don't know how you are keeping it from a DC10! I would probably tell them now if I were you, if something were to go wrong you may not be able to hide it at this stage.

TattieHowkerz Wed 20-Jan-16 19:15:30

I'm 9+3 with my second, DD is 4.5. I'm not in a hurry to tell her, think we might wait til around 16 weeks. I think I'll aim for telling her around the time it becomes obvious, just because of that issue of random people mentioning it. It's hard. I'd rather wait til a bit later.

skankingpiglet Thu 21-Jan-16 20:08:18

I've been thinking about this too. My DD will have only just turned two when DC2 arrives (all going to plan), should I tell her? Would she even understand? If so when do I tell her and how? It seems odd to disappear one day then show back up with competition a baby, but I'm not sure how I would get her to comprehend it in advance.

whatsoever Fri 22-Jan-16 08:29:25

I actually can't remember now (currently just shy of 39 weeks and DS is 3). Some time between the 12 week and 20 week scans I think. We had an 8 week scan privately (MMC in 1st pregnancy before DS) after which we told close family but we wanted to wait a little bit longer for DS.

I think given his age we told him there was a baby in mummy's tummy who would be his little brother or sister, but he didn't really get it to start with (he was only 2 and a bit then). We mentioned it a few times briefly & it took a few weeks to make sense to him. The bump helped a lot, visually.

MrsRolly Fri 22-Jan-16 11:40:57

We told DD (9) at 11 weeks after our first scan. She did very well to keep it a secret until I had told work at 14 weeks. She was (and is) so excited! Enjoy telling them whenever you decide is best smile

Kitkatmonster Fri 22-Jan-16 12:02:02

I have an 11 & 9 yo. They have noticed me being sick but are so blasé about it it's untrue, I guess they have no reason to know the early pregnancy symptoms though! We have told close family (parents, sister etc) but no one else and sworn them to secrecy as we've said we want the kids to know before it's public knowledge! I want all screening in this pregnancy, so debating whether I tell them after 12 week scan or wait until I have the combined results back in case there's a problem. I'm just not sure I can keep quiet too much longer!

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