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Poorly people; AIBU or no?

(30 Posts)
toohardtothinkofaname Mon 11-Jan-16 08:23:14

I'm close to EDD so labour very near, whether natural or induced. Over the weekend OH & I went for dinner at a relatives to be told by the person cooking 'oh I've been really ill with a chest infection & bed-ridden up to today'. I was pretty peeved because I felt too rude to leave but also don't want to catch anything that can make me feel shitty or weak for giving birth. They never cover their mouths when they cough, which irritates me anyway.

This happened on & off during my pregnancy too with friends & family where I'd arrive at their homes to find them or their kids with infections/colds etc. I even caught chicken pox virus (thankfully after 20 weeks) and I'm sure it was via my dad who visited when my brother had the illness, although wasn't there.

Am I being precious or does anyone else worry?

Highlove Mon 11-Jan-16 08:44:15

Sorry - think you are being a wee bit precious. The world can't stop because we're pregnant. Having said that, I guess I'd be a bit more concerned about being exposed to chicken pox. And it is just bad manners not to cover your mouth when you cough.

Bubbletree4 Mon 11-Jan-16 08:47:04

You are not being precious at all. Your immune system is many, many times weaker when pregnant. I thought everyone knew this. Really stupid and selfish to unnecessarily expose pregnant women to illnesses.

angelpuffs Mon 11-Jan-16 08:59:56

I agree with Bubble- your not being precious! TBH, if I'd been bed ridden with a chest infection up until the day guests were coming to dinner, I'd tell them so they could decide whether to still come- whether they were pregnant or not!

mrsjskelton Mon 11-Jan-16 09:03:23

I had a similar thing happen to me - I went to visit my aunt with my mum and when we arrived she informed us she'd been violently ill (as had her family) for the last day or so. Plenty of time to let us know! We were both ill with a stomach virus for almost 2 weeks. I lost over half a stone and actually had a drop in baby's growth on my chart. I'm still pissed off about this now! YADNBU.

fruitlovingmonkey Mon 11-Jan-16 09:05:52

You're not being precious at all. Your hosts should've cancelled. We were supposed to be seeing friends over Christmas but she messaged me telling me not to come near because she was ill. We caught up at a later date and it was much better for everyone. I got an infection a few weeks ago and it was very nasty and took 10 days to get over. Outside of pg I get very slight symptoms that last a couple of days and then I'm better. A suppressed immune system makes a huge difference.

toohardtothinkofaname Mon 11-Jan-16 09:09:28

Highlove, I don't expect the world to stop & have actually been pretty active & 'out there' during my pregnancy. I was just peeved that we were purposefully invited round when hosts were unwell & they know in pregnancy you're more likely to catch it. Or at least didn't tell us so we could decide for ourselves. When I was ill during pregnancy I stayed away from newborns & other pregnant women because I didn't want to pass it on, or at least told them so they could decide if they wanted to risk it.

Mrsjskelton, that's awful! Hope all well now?

SoupDragon Mon 11-Jan-16 09:09:31

I'm sure it was via my dad who visited when my brother had the illness, although wasn't there.

Unless your dad was infected with chicken pox and went down with it later, you can't catch chicken pox like this.

toohardtothinkofaname Mon 11-Jan-16 09:12:50

I'll let him off then wink

mrsjskelton Mon 11-Jan-16 09:40:46

All well now at 39 weeks and back on track OP smile

Gunting Mon 11-Jan-16 09:43:32

I don't think you're being precious and it would have been rubbish to catch a chest infection at this point in pregnancy.

I came down with an ear infection at 40+ weeks and went into labour and tbh it was the least of my worries I didn't even notice the ear pain. grin

SunnyDays1987 Mon 11-Jan-16 10:40:52

Same happened to me. DHs uncle hosted us and then told me he he'd been very ill and bedridden for weeks and still wasn't feeling great. Took everything I had no to punch him in the face leave!!!

toohardtothinkofaname Mon 11-Jan-16 11:20:57

Haha! It's not like these meet ups are rare, we see these people every week so could have waited. Never mind, will just keep rested & fluids up just in case.

Just wanted to put it out there to see if I'm just being hormonal wink

whatsoever Mon 11-Jan-16 13:17:23

I don't think it's precious when you're pregnant or have a newborn. I always warn people in those situations if I or my DS are/have been ill so they can postpone if they want to. My Aunty had shingles the day after I'd been with her and my other Aunty called immediately to tell me as they were so worried I might catch chicken pox (luckily I'm immune). That's what I'd hope most thoughtful people would do.

(I also got peeved when people were struggling in with what sounded like chest infections at work before Xmas, especially as I have the kind of job where it's accepted you can work from home if you're ill but not too ill to do some work.)

PeachPantaloons Mon 11-Jan-16 13:20:51

Not being precious at all! Like PP have said, you're immune system is weak right now, people should be taking more care around you. Good luck for your labour!

MackerelOfFact Mon 11-Jan-16 13:32:38

It's weird of them to mention it once you're there, but to be honest, unless you stay in the house and only let vetted guests in for your entire pregnancy, you have to accept that there is a risk of being infected by any viruses doing the rounds - whether you're at work, out shopping, on the bus, at a midwife appointment, anywhere really.

SpecialStains Mon 11-Jan-16 14:15:53

If you're unreasonable, so I am. FIL came to stay this weekend and was coughing and complaining about his chest infection. Didn't say anything, but was inwardly fuming. I'm having a shit enough time with constantly vomiting, and don't want anything else on top of that. Pregnancy dampens your immune system so you don't abort the foetus, so you are more susceptible. Going to get dh to check with his family that noone will be bringing the bubonic plague with them next time they stay. I just think my family would have more common sense and awarenesses of other people than that.

strangerjo Mon 11-Jan-16 14:22:59

No it's fair enough to be annoyed. It's inconsiderate and very rude. I would have been furious and worried.

strangerjo Mon 11-Jan-16 14:25:42

When I had a terrible cold a few weeks ago, I avoided my partners' family because they have three babies and I didn't want to pass it on. I'd hope someone would do the same for me.

ohtheholidays Mon 11-Jan-16 14:28:43

No YANBU,I would think it's just common sense. I should think that the majority of adults now realize that a womans immune system can take a real hit when she's pregnant.

I can remember getting a really sore throat and bad cold when I was pregnant with my first DC and you couldn't even use tunes then.It was miserable feeling so ill and not being able to use anything.

Luckygirlcharlie Mon 11-Jan-16 14:57:43

Definitely reasonable. All my friends and family are so considerate with me about this - to the extent that I've been forced to miss stuff I wanted to do! Rightly so though. Did you know you are 3 X more likely to die of flu when pregnant?! My consultant told me this a few weeks ago when telling me to get my damn flu jab. I had said I wasn't going to bother!

1frenchfoodie Mon 11-Jan-16 15:08:35

Unreasonable if they don't cover mouths when coughing but reasonable to mention so you didn't get into too close contact or risk sharing glasses (only if they got mixed up - I assume everybody got one of their own). If they were up and cooking I'd wonder how ill they really were to be honest. I'd have been avoiding most of my family (certainly those with toddlers) if I didn't socialise with those having coughs and colds during pregnancy. And as I commute via trian and tube I'm no doubt in contact with more germs that route anyway.

Rufus200 Tue 12-Jan-16 08:37:48

I would actually have walked out! I think anyone who is knowingly sick has no right to be anywhere near a pregnant woman, they are putting 2 lives at risk. DH and I stayed with family at Christmas and had a pact that if anyone was sick we would leave.

Also the info on chicken pox/shingles is no longer correct. You can pass it on if you have been exposed to someone with it. DH developed shingles, he had no contact with my DM. I spent time with both of them, a few weeks later DM, got shingles. Then a few weeks after that MIL got shingles despite the fact at that point DH was way over the supposed contagious period. I had to be harbouring the virus and spreading it around despite being symptom free. Everyone of them that got it had already had chicken pox. MIL got it so badly on her face, she is still suffering from nerve pain 2 years later.

TeamAgamemnon Tue 12-Jan-16 09:44:32

YAB a bit of both I think!

Firstly it is not unreasonable to consider the fact that someone is pregnant in deciding whether to be in close contact with them when they are ill, particularly with certain infections.

However, I currently have a chest infection at 36.5 weeks pregnant (and I am fecking miserable!) but I stopped being infectious at least 5 days ago, so I met with 4 other heavily pregnant women 2 days ago knowing I was no risk to them.

I have no idea where I picked it up, but I was in town shopping the day before I started feeling symptoms so can only assume I caught something from one of the other shoppers.

The moral of the story being that me going into town for a few hours probably led to an chest infection. Me going to meet my friends with active symptoms could not have posed any threat to them as I was well past the stage of being contagious, even though I presented as being ill.

SoupDragon Tue 12-Jan-16 10:13:06

DH developed shingles, he had no contact with my DM. I spent time with both of them, a few weeks later DM, got shingles. Then a few weeks after that MIL got shingles despite the fact at that point DH was way over the supposed contagious period.

You don't catch shingles though. Shingles is a flare up of the chicken pox virus that is already in your body from having had chicken pox at some time. You can catch chicken pox from shingles though.

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