Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

1 2

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Need a hand hold. Distraught.

46 replies

Sallycinnamon17 · 08/01/2016 16:59

Had my 12 week scan today, found out we were expecting twins. Unfortunately both have passed away. I actually don't know what to do with myself, emotions are everywhere and I'm so confused. Just looking for some support.

OP posts:

Report

Nicknamegrief · 08/01/2016 17:01

Sorry to hear that, it completely sucks to get news like that.

Report

Alisvolatpropiis · 08/01/2016 17:02

I'm so sorry

Report

TPel · 08/01/2016 17:02

Oh no. In so sorry for you.

Report

Iammad · 08/01/2016 17:02

I'm really sorry to hear this, there is nothing I can say to make this better.
I hope you have got some real life support.
Sending my thoughts.

Report

toffeeboffin · 08/01/2016 17:03

We are here, Sally.

Just breathe. You are in shock.

Hand holding

It's no comfort saying this I know, but I know how you feel, this happened to me over Christmas.

Report

laurita42 · 08/01/2016 17:03

I am so very sorry. It is heartbreaking. Hand hold.

Report

ktkaye · 08/01/2016 17:05

It is bone crushingly, unfathomably awful isn't it. I am so sorry for your loss. It will get better, but not for a while. Here's another hand to hold while you make sense of it. It feels so lonely, but you aren't alone

Report

Sourdough123 · 08/01/2016 17:06

Hi Sally. I'm so, so, sorry to hear about your loss. I was in almost exactly the same position myself just before Christmas a year ago, having had a MMC, and it was devastating and overwhelming. I'm sure you have been given lots of information to consider about your options, take your time in doing so, there is lots of helpful advice on here about people's experience. Also take time to grieve, and know that there are people out there thinking about you and who have been in the same position and who are sending you lots and lots of hugs and support. I wish I could say something more tangible which would help, but all you can do is look after yourself and wait to come out the other side (which you will). xxx

Report

Sallycinnamon17 · 08/01/2016 17:06

Thank you all, I just needed to actually tell someone, I'm still expecting to wake up from this horrible nightmare and everything be ok. I've got my partner for support but he's obviously taken it all quite badly. We just don't know how to tell the rest of the family. I'm also very confused about the procedures ahead. The hospital have us a miscarriage option leaflet and sent us home to read it!.

OP posts:

Report

YouBastardSockBalls · 08/01/2016 17:07

Oh my goodness. I'm so so sorry for you

Report

MaudGonneMad · 08/01/2016 17:07

That's so sad Sally. I've had 2 mcs and they are utterly shit. So sorry to hear this.

Report

CityMole · 08/01/2016 17:08

Oh Sally, this is such sad awful news, I'm so sorry.

In terms of telling other people, take your time. There's no rush and you should decide as calmly as you can who you want to share this news with.
We will hold your hand for as long as you need it x

Report

toffeeboffin · 08/01/2016 17:10

'I'm also very confused about the procedures ahead. The hospital have us a miscarriage option leaflet and sent us home to read it!.'

Leaflet. Tut.

Support on here, instead, Sally. Loads of it, really good advice what you don't seem to get at the hospital.

Report

EchoesOfLeon · 08/01/2016 17:11

Hi Sally,

You could tell one person and ask them to pass the news on so that you don't have to keep saying the same things. Or if family aren't aware of the pregnancy, don't feel you have to tell them anything yet.

I've had the same leaflet and I just kept staring at the cover thinking 'what use is a leaflet when my baby is gone???'

You have a few choices to make about what happens now and I'm sure we can give you our experiences depending on what you feel comfortable with. I've had an erpc at 12w6days so can let you know what that is like if you want more info on what to expect.

Report

CrystalGlitz · 08/01/2016 17:12

Sally, I'm so very sorry that you've had such distressing news today. TAMBA have a bereavement helpline that you can call, and a Facebook group: details here
Also The Miscarriage Association are a wonderful source of support
Thinking of you

Report

juneau · 08/01/2016 17:14

Oh Sally that's terrible. I'm so sorry. I found out I'd had a MMC at 12 weeks too and its really rubbish. All those weeks of waiting and hoping and then all your hopes dashed.

With regard to what happens next I think its usual to be given three options:

Wait for nature to take its course.
Medication to bring on miscarriage and either hole up at home and deal with it or go into hospital (aka medical management).
ERPC - a medical procedure under GA to remove everything.

Give it some thought and go with what you feel most comfortable with. For me, that was option 3 as I didn't want to feel or experience anything, but some women need to have the experience for closure. But anyway, you can talk through everything with the doctor to help you feel okay with your choice

Report

Sallycinnamon17 · 08/01/2016 17:21

The leaflet is truly horrible, I can't bare to look at it. It seems awful classing my babies as a miscarriage when they're very much there, especially after seeing them on the screen. The very lovely sonographer we had did a very good job of quickly getting photos for us to keep. However I can't look at them just yet. Thank you Juneau for explains the options a bit more clearly than the leaflet, I've got until the morning to decide. Thank you all for the kind advice, it's nice to know I'm not alone although it does feel like it.

OP posts:

Report

MaudGonneMad · 08/01/2016 17:26

This thread has lots of useful advice and tips. I opted for ERPC the second time round and I'm glad I did. Like a PP, I didn't want to feel or see anything, but it's a very personal choice.

Report

Eastend2015 · 08/01/2016 17:37

So sorry for your loss and I understand the shock having had an MMC earlier last year. The leaflets aren't hugely helpful and we found the hospital rushed us through the options initially. The miscarriage association were amazing- just to note, the ERPC doesn't have to be done under general anaesthetic, I had it done under local. It was very quick and more uncomfortable than painful. My husband was allowed to stay with me to hold one hand and the nurse held the other. I did wait three weeks first to see whether I miscarried naturally and nothing happened but it felt right to give it a bit more time. Do PM me if you want to talk more.

Report

BeautifulLiar · 08/01/2016 17:46

Oohhh sally that's just so sad :( I don't know what to say other than please look after yourself xx

Report

AnaGon · 08/01/2016 17:51

I am so sorry for your loss Sally. You are in my thoughts. Virtual hugs to you!

Report

Impatientwino · 08/01/2016 18:08

You poor, poor thing. My heart goes out to you.

I had a MMC discovered at my scan and its truely the shitest thing.

An ERPC was the best option for me but take your time to consider your options. The miscarriage boards on here are amazing and you will get phenomenal support there if you want to chat about options and how you're feeling.

We told one person and asked them to pass it on which was a good move. It was lovely having texts and messages from friends as I found it a really lonely time and their support helped so much.

Take care of yourself

Report

sepa · 08/01/2016 18:21

I'm so sorry to hear this. You will have loads of support here.

I agree with what someone else has said, tell one person and let them know. If people don't know that you were pregnant I think it is still a good idea to tell someone so you can have support in RL. This will be hard for your partner also so a 3rd party will not be a bad person to have around!

Report

3littlebadgers · 08/01/2016 18:26

Sally, go with your emotions and be kind to yourself. Do what you feel you can manage even if that is just breathe. I hope dearly that you are given the strength to deal with what the next few weeks and months bring to you.

Report

Bertbigawig · 08/01/2016 18:54

sallycinnamon, I am so sorry to read this. I experienced the same situation at the beginning of June- arrived at my dating scan to discover I was pregnant with twins, but both had sadly died. It was incredibly hard and seemed to feel particularly confusing because there were two babies. I chose to miscarry naturally as I wanted to be able to experience and process the loss. It was a long wait (12 days) and very hard, but I found the information in the thread about the practicalities of dealing with a miscarriage tremendously helpful as I really had no idea what to expect. I took a lot of time off work (about a month) partly because I wanted to allow myself to grieve and partly because I need to be emotionally available in my job. I think there is a temptation to get stuck into things and distract yourself and that works really well in the short term, but the pain and grief can catch up with you. It's over 7 months on now and although still painful, i feel so much better than I did and you will too eventually. Please feel free to pm me. I am so sorry you are going through this.