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Pregnant and boyfriend doesn't want the baby

(4 Posts)
Jessica2477 Tue 05-Jan-16 07:10:07

Hi, I found out yesterday evening that I was pregnant. I have no idea how far along I am, I'm guessing around 4 weeks. It wasn't planned as I am on the contraceptive pill.

I'm 23 and live with my boyfriend of 6 years. I told him straight away and he did not take it well. He made it very clear he is not ready and does not think we should be bringing a child into this world in our current financial state. He earns around 13k a year and I earn around 9k. We struggle as it is to pay our rent and bills and pretty much live off our overdrafts at the moment and always end up needing to use a credit card to afford food towards the end of the month. I know he is right that it's not the right time and I don't know how we would manage but I don't know what the psychological effects of a termination would have on me.

I've always looked forward to the idea of having a baby and if we were in a better situation I would be happy and excited right now but knowing he is 100% against it is making the decision really tough. I have no idea if I'd regret it or feel resentment if I did what he wants and get the termination. I'm scared he will feel resentment towards me if I go ahead with it and I don't want it to tear us apart.

I'm just totally lost right now. I both would love a baby and also think he is right too. Anyone else been through this?

honeysucklejasmine Tue 05-Jan-16 07:16:19

I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed, that sucks.

Firstly its probably worth figuring out what you would be entitled to financially, and what effect that would have on your overall quality of life. Babies don't need to cost a lot of money - there's loads out there second hand or free.

The choice is yours entirely. Do what you need to do, but don't allow anyone else to pressure you in to making a decision, or make you feel guilty about the decision you do make.


Junosmum Tue 05-Jan-16 09:08:32

Unfortunately accidents do happen, it's no-ones fault and has put you in a difficult position.

As above poster states, have a look at benefits you may be eligible for - has a benefits calculator which is really helpful. It will at least allow you to make a more informed decision.

Obviously the decision is not solely a financial one, and only you can answer how you would feel following a termination. Would you end up resenting your partner? Blaming him or even ending the relationship?

How do you feel about the possibility of being a single parent?

You have time to consider your options, but I suggest seeing your GP asap so you can discuss them with professional with a good idea of how far along you are.

strangerjo Tue 05-Jan-16 09:11:51

What a difficult situation. Ultimately the decision is yours not his and you will have to live with it either way. Money is a concern (I was unemployed when I found out I was pregnant) but situations can change quickly (I got a new job and my boyfriend got a better paying job). I know of friends whose partner did not want the baby initially but then ended up besotted with their kids.
Would you have a support network around you during pregnancy and after? Friends, family etc.?
Good luck x

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