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Freaking out about partner smoking before conception

(15 Posts)
Sophia1984 Mon 04-Jan-16 12:54:26

Hi ladies, I'm 9 weeks pregnant and a bit of a worrier. My midwife knows this and has referred me for help with this. I'm really bad at hypochondriac googling, so when my partner made an offhand comment that if we conceived a baby now it would be stronger cause he's stopped smoking, I stupidly started 'researching'.

I thought it was brilliant that he has stopped, but now I've found all kinds of research that suggests the damage is already done as he was a smoker when we conceived. There's all kinds of risks, including increased risk of childhood leukaemia, which horrifies me. I thought I was being responsible helping him give up, but now I'm worried we shouldn't have been TTC while he was smoking. There also seem to be increased risks of Downs' Syndrome and miscarriage. I feel really stupid that I didn't consider this and am now terrified that we've harmed baby and there's nothing I can do to change that.

Can anyone help me put this in perspective or stop freaking out?

Bexicles Mon 04-Jan-16 12:57:01

My ex smoked when my ds was conceived. My ds was fine, no health problems. Try to relax wink

Friendofsadgirl Mon 04-Jan-16 13:00:22

You really need to stop Googling, especially if you suffer from anxiety.
I know plenty of people whose fathers smoked before and after conception. We are all fine.
Please don't make this a big thing as your DP has done really well to quit.

Wolfiefan Mon 04-Jan-16 13:04:16

This is your anxiety. You need to deal with it before you get further along with your ph and become a parent. This is more than being a bit of a worried.
Step away from Google. There are millions of possible tiny risks. Tiny. Tiny.
Please seek help for the anxiety.

goodnightdarthvader1 Mon 04-Jan-16 13:20:22

and there's nothing I can do to change that.

This is the only relevant thing in what you've said.

Stop Googling, and distract yourself until you get help with your anxiety.

Sophia1984 Mon 04-Jan-16 13:27:52

Thanks everyone. I can recognise old patterns in my anxiety coming back, which is what scares me. I really pushed my midwife to refer me to a psychiatrist, and she's put me down for consultant-led care. I'm hoping that being pregnant might mean I get the care that I haven't had for years - I've just been left on anti-depressants but with no offers of therapy. Fingers crossed. Just need to try and get on with some work now - I work from home, which is not ideal for distracting myself.

CityMole Mon 04-Jan-16 13:29:55

You poor thing. Your anxiety will be far more dangerous to your unborn child than any remote risk from your partner being a smoker when you conceived. Be careful with Google. A paper cut can theoretically lead to sepsis and death but, rationally, you know that it won't really. It's good that you have been referred- there are clinical psychologists who are used to dealing with anxieties like this all of the time and they will help you find your rational voice and enjoy your pregnancy without irrational fear and stress.

tinyme135 Mon 04-Jan-16 14:04:36

my DP smoked when we conceived and still does now (not round me though) and I've had no problems at all. LO is due in 6 days. try not to worry (harder said than done) but Dr Google is horrible.

also congratulations smile

MetalMidget Mon 04-Jan-16 14:52:56

My mom and my dad both smoked (and drank!) when I was conceived, throughout the pregnancy and throughout the 21 years I lived at home (same for my brother). I wouldn't recommend it (it's turned me into a very fussy anti-smoker, quite apart from anything else!), but I never had any health issues as a child.

I understand the fear though - I'm pregnant with my first, and live in a state that veers between denial and terror!

Paperblank Mon 04-Jan-16 16:05:24

I stopped smoking the day I got my BFP - my DH and I smoked like chimneys on holiday where we conceived.

Please do not Google any more. It is just not worth the anxiety you will put yourself through. Instead put your energy into having a happy and healthy pregnancy


Augustina123 Mon 04-Jan-16 16:21:50

First if all, congratulations on your pregnacy, Sophia1984!

My flatmate smokes (inside the house) and this did worry me when I first found out I was pregnant. I was offered carbon monoxide testing at my first midwife appointment - which is how I found out that there is no carbon monoxide in my lungs at all, despite my flatmate still smoking. I found this very re-assuring - if you aren't being offered the test automatically, it might be worth asking for it just to get some reassurance?

As others have said though, aside from rational explanations, it's more important to try and get on top of your anxiety. Well done on having brought this up with your midwife! Maybe consider a few counselling or coaching sessions, too, just to speak to someone about your worries?

BitchPeas Mon 04-Jan-16 16:22:43

Stop googling!!! You can find 'proof' on the internet that everything and everything will kill you if you look hard enough. 99.99% of it is bullshit. I was reading something the other day about how children under two need all their food cut up to the size of a pea then mushed up, other wise THEY WILL!! CHOKE AND DIE! It was ridiculous and untrue but the comments on it were from anxiety riddled mothers beating themselves up and freaking out. Last year, before I started taking my anxiety meds, it would have worked me up into a frenzy, now I see it for what it is!

It's great you have been referred, trust your doctors and your midwife/nurses. Never the Internet!

R0nJ0n Mon 04-Jan-16 16:31:20

Pretty much everyone I knew parents (including mine) smoked all the time when I was young. A lot, but by no means all, of women gave up during pregnancy but I doubt anyone male or female ever thought of giving up for conception. Despite this don't think my generation has an unusually high prevelence of childhood leukaemia or cases of Downs.

sianihedgehog Mon 04-Jan-16 16:39:15

Hiya, I think the smoking is a total non issue and the problem is your anxiety. I found that early pregnancy made mine go completely haywire and was referred for urgent CBT. Tell your midwife at your booking in appointment that you are having some very intrusive thoughts and finding it hard to cope. In my area I had to then go and tell my GP, and do an assessment to see what sort of help I needed. But they did take it very seriously and I got treatment very fast because of being pregnant.

Wolfiefan Mon 04-Jan-16 16:47:30

Please don't focus on google and what may or may not harm your child.
Please seek treatment for your anxiety.
Now. Before the baby arrives. Trust me there are many millions of things you could worry about then! You need strategies to cope.

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