Second time mums - what are the things you will be doing differently from the first time around?(52 Posts)
This is just lighthearted but what will you be doing differently this time around? Here is some I've thought of...
1) putting my foot down and not letting visitors turn up before I've had some time with my baby
2) not feeding my baby to sleep, to the point where they use milk as a sleep comforter meaning they want milk in the night until they are almost two!
3) not being afraid to make noise around the sleeping baby, or be afraid to check them in fear of waking them up.
Anyone got any others?
I'm going to have more cuddles, first time I was too worried about making 'a rod for my own back' and put DD in her crib as soon as she was asleep. I'm also going to give one bottle a day in the hope i wont feel so isolated and bf for longer.
I'm with Sanch.... I was so strict with dd, shes 3 now and I remember the last time she fell asleep in my arms, age 4 months! Definitely having more cuddles.
I'm also not going to buy half as much stuff, I got rid of EVERYTHING from dd so starting again, but now I know how little they actually need when they are tiny, cot, car seat, sleeping bags, pram or sling, and about 7 of each sleep suits, vests etc. I won't be going crazy again that's for sure!
Ha, I'm the other way around - I'll be trying to put number 2 son down when he's asleep so I don't have months of him sleeping on me. I second the avoiding feeding to sleep and trying to express to share feeding, although in practice I know that it's the last thing I feel like doing after a feed.
They are great ones.
Agree with the cuddles too, I always tried to do everything by the book, this time I'm going to do what comes naturally, and only use books for advice if I'm desperate rather than trying to be so strict.
Also agree about buying so much stuff!! Makes far more sense to buy what you need as you go along rather than stock buy like I did last time!
Another thing I will be doing differently is looking after myself more, more time to rest etc rather than trying to please everyone else and agreeing to people coming over to visit at stupid inconvenient times.
I gave DS a dummy, he slept through from early on, as opposed to DD who didn't wean from BF until 2 and still doesn't sleep! I'm a bit less militant about weaning too.
Yes this time I'm definitely planning on using a dummy, I didn't last time and their dummy was their bottle! So I'm not going to be so against the dummy this time.
I got good advice from a sleep trainer recently that I just happened to speak to, she said when you are trying to implement a bit more routine about 6 weeks, do bedtime feed first before bath, and then after bath when they rub their eyes you have a 5 minute window to put them down, before they get overtired. This way they are not associating that full feeling with going to sleep and supposedly helps them sleep through. This does kind of make sense so will give it a go this time.
This time I'm not going to question EVERYTHING! why is baby making this face? Baby is still sleeping on me at 2m old, what should I do? How much weight did your baby put on?
the list is endless! But I'm more clued up and chilled this time. I know if my baby is healthy and happy and that's that.
Put the baby down sometimes! Also let DP do more. If the baby grizzles wait a moment before responding.
I will NOT be trying to express this time! (I hope... Best laid plans etc etc...)
Last time expressing was a total disaster for me, I barely got any milk and I was suffering with oversupply anyway so it left me painfully engorged. DD loathed all bottles and would not even contemplate them. I'm not bothering this time, it will just cause me stress and pain and then no guarantee that DS will even want to take the milk.
I will not bother so much with trying to wean at 6mo. Waste of time until they're showing an interest and I spent so much time cooking stuff that ended up in the bin. I'll offer him bits of whatever DD's having and if he doesn't want it then he can have breast milk!
I'm going to be like gubbins will have to put dc2 down as spent lots of time with an asleep ds1 on me. Or might just buy a sling and use it more than I did for ds! Will happily give a dummy again but will probably cosleep earlier as didn't when ds was tiny but still ended up doing it later. ..
More regular bottles with expressing to try and avoid baby being a bottle refuser just before I go back to work (DD chose to get dehydrated rather than take fluid from anything but boob and that was very stressful).
Zip up swaddling blankets (discovered too late last time, could have saved me precious minutes in the middle of the night!)
Hopefully this baby will like the swing as DD hated it so that was a bit of a waste of money.
Experiment more with slings and use a carrier more.
Hopefully I'll have a 3 year old big sister helper who doesn't immediately get bored of the baby
Definitely relax about weaning. God I got so worked up with poor DS. He's only 14 months now, but by all accounts a fairly decent eater, despite me thinking he'd never eat (it was not looking good at some points, he's a complete boob monster).
I hoping I'll also accept more help, but I fear that I won't get offered much as I rejected so much when DS was small. It's my own fault.
Ooh, some good ideas here, thanks!
I'll try the feed/bath/bed thing Shadow.
Some have already been mentioned, but things I'm planning on are:
• bedside crib
• swaddling (didn't try it with DS, no idea why)
• sling/wrap from ASAP after birth!
• dummy from as early as possible too (I swore I would never use one, then DS refused when I was desperate for something to work!)
• spending the first week (minimum) in bed. DH & DSis have been instructed that this is happening and they are to deal with it!
• relax about weaning - I militantly BLW'd last time. Planning on a mixture of that and travelling-friendly pouch type things.
Be more prepared - as I was in denial about having a baby until baby was actually handed to me by the midwife, so ended up doing a lot of shopping for things like prams in the early weeks when I should have been enjoying time sleeping or cuddling my new baby.
Use online shopping - discovered this way too late with baby no1.
Use a sling much earlier and more than I did with baby no1 (I bought one, but my sleep deprived baby brain forgot how to put it on so I didn't use it for ages).
Trying to avoid feeding baby to sleep quite so much after the early weeks have passed. I think I was too much in the baby led feeding camp which left me an absolutely emotional wreck and very low due to sleep deprivation. By around 4 months old, baby would go most of the day without feeding and then would want to feed every 45 mins at night!
Use sling earlier
Enjoy each stage rather than thinking he should be doing xyz by now
I will relax and not agonise about every little parenting decision. If we get to the end of the day with everyone fed and no one dead, that will be enough.
I really enjoyed the baby stage last time and was quite a go-with-the-flow, trust your instincts, when in doubt, use the boob kind of parent which worked for us in the main. Saying that, this time around I do think I can see the sense in gently trying to teach the baby to sleep without having to feed to sleep (which is what we did last time and meant a loooooooot of night feeding), if that's possible.
Having found my stride with slings I reckon I'll be using wovens from the get go this time, and probably slinging much more than I did last time (how do you manage a baby in a buggy plus toddler??).
Also, I will not be up for PILS and BIL/SIL all descending within hours of the (32-hr-long) birth while I am still catheterised and bleeding everywhere this time around. They can wait til I have at least had a nap and managed to get dressed this time.
This is a great thread, (I'm pregnant for the first time (19w) and sifting through all the advice in books and otherwise is overwhelming.) I'm noticing that 'not feeding to sleep' is a reoccurring theme... may I ask what are the alternatives? I seriously know almost nothing about BFing (I'll certainly take the classes offered at 28w)... do you jiggle them to keep them awake or switch breasts a few times if they keep falling asleep, or wake them up afterwards? Thanks.
Never, ever, wake a sleeping baby Prune.
I did it once. Never again.
I'll definitely be more into slings/baby wearing. I get the rage just thinking about all the arsing about I did with that sodding pram instead of just leaving the house when I had originally planned to (not 1 hour later).
Also, definitely trying to look after myself more. Actually buy well fitting nursing bras and try to exercise a bit more (I sat breastfeeding for hours and hours every day with not enough stretching/moving).
Dummies, really wish I hadn't gone 4 weeks before caving in. It literally meant the difference between sleeping 45 minutes at a time and then sleeping 2/3 hours at a time. It was life changing!
This has been so helpful! I'm 34 weeks with dc1 so need all the hints I can get! One question-those of you that said you'd use a sling from early on, do you have any recommendations? I really want to get one but not sure which one. Can you use a sling with a newborn?
The sling I've heard about is called the caboo sling. I've seen a lady using it and looks secure and comfortable. If you look it up on YouTube there are probably videos of people putting it on so you can see for yourself.
With regards to not feeding to sleep, it's impossible not to sometimes but what I mean is when they are a little bit older I will be feeding maybe half hour before they are due a nap or bedtime, instead of it being the last thing I do before I put them down in the hope they don't associate being fed and being full with sleeping.
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