HELP !

[emilynielson94]

I am 22 at the end of this month and I'm a studnet nurse 1st year, I have been in and out of A&E with upper abdo pains this week , where I found out I was pregnant yesterday. The Dr is sure that the pain isnt related to my pregnancy but I still have no answers to anything yet.

Anyway, I have PCOS and was almost sure I wouldn't have kids, so me and my partner kind of looked at it this way.....I'm young, the most fertile I will ever be, if it happens it happens if it doesn't at least we can say we tried kind of attituide....

Except now I'm in shock, I think my pain problems arn't helping as there overshadowing my judgments, but I am terrorfied! I do want children, but now that I'm pregnant I'm so scared of making the wrong decison, I have no home of my own, I'm a student, I'd have to leave uni! what if I cant cope, I like my own time! .... the only thing keeping me together right now is that I keep telling myself... I want kids, I love my finace, and I want to spend my life with him.... why not now !

My mum doesnt think im ready and my partner is scared more than me because of our situation.. no home, noT much income ....

Please somebody, any advice??? I do want children and I'm so happy because I thought i'd never have them but am I ready ? My mum didnt cope well and I was adopted my siblings were also spread about... im scared of ruining my life.. or regreting a decision that I might make.

[TattieHowkerz]

There's never a perfect time to be pregnant.
Only you, and maybe your fiancé, can decide what is for the best.
But you did want to be pregnant to some extent?
It is not unusual to feel panicked when you find out you are pregnant.
I was 34, settled, owned our home when I got pregnant, but I still had all the worries about coping.
There is a lot in your favour - you want kids, you are I a settled relationship, you are young. Assuming you are in early pregnancy you could give birth next summer, then take a year out of uni and rejoin the following September/October? Universities often have subsidised crèches. Assuming your fiancé has a job and can contribute to childcare, if not he could stay home with the baby. Perhaps family will help too?

If you are not taking folic acid start now.

If you are genuinely unsure if you can go ahead I suggest you repost in pregnancy choices, you'll get a wider range of views, most people on this board are pregnant and may be biased!

Best of luck

[emilynielson94]

Thankyou, yes that's what I keep telling my parnter, were always saying we can't wait to have a baby, and we didn't use contraception, I guess we done it for so long, we never thought it would actually happen, I know I have been careless.

My mum is really putting me off with the whole .. "your life is over" speech which is scaring me, is it really that bad or is she just trying to scare me?

[TattieHowkerz]

Your life will change in ways you have never imagined. But over? No. Your Mum is being silly. I guess she wants you to have life experiences in a certain order. But this is your life, and you can decide for yourself how to live it.

For me, having a child has brought new meaning to life. It has actually made me work harder and be more successful in other areas. Hearing your child laugh, say "I love you", put their hand in yours... It is wonderful. Having a child is also hard work, tiring, draining. No-one can really prepare you. But there is a reason most people do it more than once!

If now genuinely isn't the time you can experience these things later. But don't fear having a child.

[Mslg]

Don't listen to anyone. This is your baby and your decision. Your life will not be ruined, it will be different for sure and it will be a little harder for your studies but not impossible.

I think you may be a little in shock right now, let the dust settle and I guarantee your mind will be a little clearer when you have had time to process it.

[mayaknew]

I know so many people who have had babies whilst doing a nursing degree. Me included.

I'm in second year and I've just finished up to start maternity leave. Where in the UK are you ? In Scotland we get our bursary for 10 months of mat leave then join the year below when we come back. Not sure about elsewhere but it's something to look into.

[Jibberjabberjooo]

I'm a nurse and have known several students to have babies whilst doing the course. You will need some time out or go back a year but it can be done. It's not easy but people do it.

Whatever you decide has to be your decision. If you need to talk to someone then you can phone BPAS for advice and to talk. Think of all the pros and cons. And talk to your uni. I expect your mum is in shock. There is never a perfect time to have a baby so if you don't want to do it now then that's ok (although you do need to sort out contraception). But if you decide to go ahead that's ok too.

[emilyrosa94]

Im in liverpool, thanks guys its starting to settle in a bit now, iv just arranged a meeting with uni on monday to talk through some stuff

I guess id feel more at ease if i wern't suffering problems, they think it might be gallstones .. in which case they said they cant do nothing till after the pregnancy but i cant stay like this iv lost 2stone in 2 months and 6kg just this week ... i cantbeat sleep or drink and the pain is unreal ! I keep getting fobbed off by the hospital who just sent me to the womens and they said its not pregnancy related

Sorry for rambling on xxx