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Please tell me I'm not a bad person. :(

(12 Posts)
HugglePuffCherryPop Wed 30-Dec-15 00:57:56

Hello everyone

I am a mother of three planned pregnancies.
I was Married by 19, and my Husband and I both had plans to create a family business.

I am very untrusting towards daycares. Especially if my children can not speak. So my decision was to study, be a stay at home mother, and prepare for our families future until I am comfortable enough for my children to be looked after by anyone other than myself and my husband.

I decided to remove my implanon, after putting on 20kg's from it. We started other contraception, such as condoms, the pill etc. No contraception was missed, EVER.

I missed my period, and have found out I am 6 weeks pregnant.
Even though this is an amazing blessing; and I am grateful to be able to conceive.
I feel like a terrible person. Because I feel saddened with this pregnancy.
I feel like I have worked so hard towards something, and it has been taken from me in the blink of an eye.

My plans will all have to be changed. And it frustrates me that I took all the right pre-cautions beforehand.
I feel selfish for feeling this way. And I feel terrible for this innocent little soul inside me, as I feel like I just don't want it!

Financially we are fine. Its mentally I am not.
All this effort, endless preparation. All these plans, and excitement. Just everything has happened so fast!

I did not want my tubes tied as there is a small chance you can't conceive again.
I also do not believe in having abortions "personally". Even though I accept everyone's personal choice. I just wouldn't personally have one.

Has anyone else felt like this? Will it pass?
I feel terrible as I love ALL my children, so much. I just want someone to slap me and say SNAP OUT OF IT YOU SELFISH COW. ** lol.

I'm confused, and scared, and upset. And I just don't know where my life has headed. I am just not ready.

Please help. blushconfused

bittapitta Wed 30-Dec-15 07:41:14

You might want to move this to the Pregnancy Choices talk board. You have choices. It's not fair to have an unwanted baby that ruins your life plans IMO.

Doublebubblebubble Wed 30-Dec-15 07:46:57

I agree with bitta ask for this to be moved - just report your post. You shouldn't have to do anything you're are not comfortable with. X

WhittlingIhopMonkey Wed 30-Dec-15 07:55:32

Of course you're not a bad person.

An unplanned pregnancy can be devastating for many women. I had a scare this month and I was sick with worry and regret. Like you my youngest is getting independent and I was looking forward to the moving on to the next step in my career and our family life. The thought of going back to morning sick Ness, nappies and buggies made me want to run screaming.

I always thought I'd never have an abortion but found myself googling my options nonetheless. I turned out not to be but when I thought I was I was devastated.

An unplanned pregnancy is a crisis for many women. You are not a bad person, you should take some time to figure out your options. Everything you're feeling is normal and understandable. HTH

FretYeNot Wed 30-Dec-15 07:55:41

Oh Huggle, life can be quite unfair. I'm not surprised you're upset, all those plans gone awry and you're full of hormones, so it's no wonder you're feeling like this. Your future plans haven't been taken from you, more like delayed significantly. You are not a bad person for feeling like this, and you wouldn't be a bad person if you felt you couldn't continue with the pregnancy. Like you, I'm prochoice but feel I, myself, couldn't abort unless there was extreme reasons to do so. It's going to take some time to get used to, and you may always feel a bit of sadness for the delayed/changed plans. At the moment, I think you've got a right to grieve for those plans and come to terms with this new life direction. You are not a terrible person.

sepa Wed 30-Dec-15 08:01:40

I disagree that this should be moved to choices as Huggle has said that abortion is not for her!

When I first found out I was pregnant with a very much planned baby I was so scared, I questioned if we were doing the right thing and for a few weeks a really didn't want to become a mum. Fast forward to 30 weeks and I love my little one and I'm excited to meet him or her next year.
If a planned pregnancy can cause all this confusion then I'm not surprised an unplanned pregnancy has caused you to feel this way.

I do not think that you are a bad person at all. I think that it is a natural reaction to something unexpected.
If you are adamant that you will not abort the baby then I'm sure when you see your baby at your 12 week scan you will change your mind. Yes you have to put things back another few years but I'm sure it will be worth it

HugglePuffCherryPop Wed 30-Dec-15 08:15:39

Sorry ladies.
I think my post was misunderstood.

I DO NOT want to have an abortion. smile

HugglePuffCherryPop Wed 30-Dec-15 08:17:24

Thank you everyone!

Yes... I definitely have enough room in my heart for another bub.
And just wanted to make sure these were normal emotions. smile

Kpo58 Wed 30-Dec-15 09:12:45

I think that maybe you just need sometime to get over the shock of suddenly being pregnant again. You might feel differently about it in a few weeks time when you have had a chance to think about it.

Have you spoken do your DH about it and find out how he feels? He may be more reassuring.

AddictedtoGreys Wed 30-Dec-15 09:34:36

Sounds like you are in shock and was completely unexpected. Is it completely impossible to set up your family business while pregnant? I know people who have very successful businesses and are still having children smile not me though unfortunately!

Maybug12 Wed 30-Dec-15 11:03:42

Don't feel like a bad person. I felt exactly the same when I got pregnant ( was also a surprise) Although my plans were different to yours - I wanted to go travelling at the beginning of January 16, and had been saving to do so! I know it's not quite the same and people say you can do that at any time in your life (not quite for
Me but that's a different story).
I did consider termination but I knew I wouldn't be able to do it and accepted that this was my fate and was meant to be. I'm now 30 weeks pregnant, moving into my first home, and am really excited about it it all, but it did take a while for this feeling to come. So don't feel bad, I hope it all works out for you in the end. X

Chattymummyhere Wed 30-Dec-15 12:38:50

I think it's normal.

I'm preg with #3 and the first few weeks where spent thinking wtf have I done. My current youngest starts school next year, so I was already mentally to get a part time job, and now I'm starting all over again. Like you I don't want them in child care when they cannot talk I also don't like the idea of working purely to pay nursery bills when we are fine on just dh wages. I'm 27 weeks now and still get brief moments of oh shit!!

I love her dearly already though and cannot wait to hold her but still wondering what I was thinking going from school aged children back to a newborn.

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