Feeling down in early pregnancy

[Colabottle10]

We are very lucky and fell pregnant the second month of trying. I'm struggling with the constant nausea (though it's not bad enough to stop me doing normal things) but it's really putting a downer on the pregnancy thing. I sometimes find myself wishing I wasn't pregnant so I could get back to feeling myself again, which I know isn't a good way to be thinking. Not sure what I'm after really. I guess I'm just tired and stressed after having family stay for Xmas.

[toohardtothinkofaname]

Hi cola. I felt the same as you & remember thinking 'I can't do this' around 9 weeks. I'm now 39+1 and since week 14 have had a textbook, easy pregnancy.

Hang in there, it does get better & you get a cracking reward at the end. It's important to allow yourself a bit of wallowing time but try to pull yourself up & out when you get glimmers of 'normal feeling'

[TaliZorah]

I felt awful throughout my pregnancy. I stopped taking my antidepressants because my GP gave me bad advice, and on top of that had HG and then later on I kept having contractions from about 30 weeks and they thought my son would come early.

Horrible stressful time, I hated being pregnant, didn't feel like me, didn't look like me, just felt awful.

Since having my son I feel so much better. you're not alone, not every woman likes being pregnant and it doesn't reflect how you feel about your baby.

[treaclesoda]

I think it's a very common feeling. I hated the early stages of pregnancy, hated it. It didn't mean that I didn't want the baby, and I didn't complain outwardly about it because I was very aware that a close friend was struggling with infertility and it would be rubbing salt in her wounds, but the first three months of pregnancy were sheer misery.

In my first pregnancy I was very seriously ill in my second trimester but I still felt mentally 'better' than I did in the first three months.

it does get better

[KateBeckett]

I am almost 13 weeks, and only just starting to enjoy my pregnancy. I had an awful time from around 8/9 weeks where I just couldn't stop crying or imagining that something was wrong with the baby. I've had constant nausea, which is just starting to ease a little now.

The easing nausea, and seeing the baby at our 12 week scan have really turned things around for me (fingers crossed it stays this way!)

You have a lot of unfamiliar hormones running through you, and feeling so ill is very draining. I promise it gets better. I'm there right now, just starting to come out of the other side.

If you are feeling really bad, talk to your partner, talk to your midwife. Talk to us. Don't keep it inside your head. Everything seems worse when you try to deal with it alone

[Pebbles601]

I felt the same. It is awful! I got to the point that I honestly thought that was how I would feel for the whole pregnancy. I am now 17 weeks & I am starting to feel better, more like myself (still can't drink tea though ) My advice would be just take care of yourself, get plenty of rest & eat what you can, even if it isn't the most healthiest! It honestly does get better & when you see the scan, you will be buzzing with excitment!

[Colabottle10]

Thanks for your replies, I was expecting to be shouted at!

I don't have a midwife yet, I'm still waiting for them to contact me, I'm only 5+4, so early days I know. It does feel like I'm dealing with it on my own as we obviously aren't telling people, have had to put a brave face on all through having family here for Xmas. I'm knackered all the time but things have to continue, I have a horse so looking after her gets me out the house and some fresh air every day, but it's still hard work. DH is good but doesn't understand and feels a bit helpless. Think we both feel like it's not happening as there's nothing to see and no appointments etc to go to yet. All feels like it's not real. I've always been very anti pregnancy and I can't stand seeing pregnant women. I even spoke to my GP about it 6 months ago and she told me I was weird!

I do want a baby, it's not that I don't think, I just don't fancy this whole pregnancy thing. I'm terrified of getting hugely obese (I'm already overweight) as my mum was massive - I don't want to be like that.

I guess it's all normal feelings and as with everything, it will pass.

[TaliZorah]

Cola do you think you have tokophobia, fear of pregnancy and or birth? I had/have it, I was very anxious throughout my pregnancy. If you want to ask anything feel free.

My midwives were really supportive about it and I chose to have a cesarean because of it.

[Colabottle10]

Hi Tai, yes it was discussed as I'd looked it up by the GP said I was weird and would get over it. I've always felt that way though.

I used to be a teacher, love children and am told I'm really good with them, but the thought of one being inside me is a bit alien like.

[TaliZorah]

That GP was crap. You don't just "get over it", it's a real fear and needs properly addressing. I'm sorry she wasn't helpful.

I've always felt that way too, although for me it was birth more than pregnancy initially but the further I got the more weird pregnancy felt. I totally get the alien thing, it's hard to explain but you feel like your body isn't yours.

Ask to be referred to a mental health midwife. Mine were really good and I said at 16 weeks I didn't want a natural birth. I had no arguments, got referred to a consultant and it was fine. They'll support you and help you find ways to cope with pregnancy

I love children too and adore my DS. I felt guilty throughout my pregnancy as I kept thinking of women who'd love to be pregnant and then here I am feeling miserable.

Honestly it is worth it. I looked at it like doing an exam, the test is shit but you want the qualification at the end. Pregnancy is a means to an end not something I enjoy itself.

Good luck!

[malvinandhobbes]

I am 9 weeks and feel much the same. This is my third baby (although the other two are much older.). I feel I can barely enjoy the holidays because I am so tired/nauseas/dizzy. I am retaining gallons of water and feel sloppy. Just this morning I thought that if something were to happen and this pregnancy wasn't successful I would not be able to try again (this is morose and probably not true).

I think these are totally normal feelings. I remember having them with my other pregnancies and it lifting around 13/14 weeks. I remember when DS2 was born swearing I would never do it again. It is possible to love babies and love being a mother even if you don't love being pregnant. I adore being a mother. It is the most fun and wonderful part of my life. I despise feeling cranky and sick and dizzy. It is okay to separate these feelings.