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How can I abort after this has happened???

(12 Posts)
Anabelle1996 Thu 24-Dec-15 15:46:23

3 days ago my Half sister died suddenly from a Brain aneurysm. It was totally unexpected and a shock as she was otherwise healthy. She was married and had her whole life ahead of her. She was trying for a baby but hadn't had any luck. We wasn't close as we have lived apart (due to different mums and our dad being absent from both of our life's) but when was little, our mums tried their best to ensure we had a relationship but as we got older we grew apart.

I'm 11 weeks pregnant and for numerous reasons I'm booked in to abort the day after Boxing Day. I booked it before this happened. This has got me thinking life is so precious and I shouldn't destroy this and take this life just like my sisters life has been taken.

Is this a normal emotion and any ideas what I can do?

Jesabel Thu 24-Dec-15 15:49:20

Life is precious, but presumably you had some solid practical reasons for being unable to continue the pregnancy? Will those still be an issue?

FriendofBill Thu 24-Dec-15 15:49:25

You have to make the decision you can live with.
In your heart of hearts do you want to continue this pregnancy and have a baby?

HermioneWeasley Thu 24-Dec-15 15:51:54

The reasons you decided to terminate haven't changed, and at the moment the foetus is the size of a grain of rice - in no way comparable to your sister.

Obviously you might reflect and change your mind, but don't link the two or feel the universe is trying to send you a message, it's just a coincidence.

VashtaNerada Thu 24-Dec-15 15:52:02

It's such a big decision (& a timebound one) you need to really think it through. Is there someone in RL you could have a really good chat with? Or does anyone know if there are any support lines the OP could ring? I hope you find the strength to make the best decision for you, and so sorry to hear about your half-sister flowers

VashtaNerada Thu 24-Dec-15 15:53:50

Just to clarify btw - I don't mean having a termination has to be a 'big' decision every time, sometimes it's clearly the right path. I just mean don't make a big decision either way if you're not sure.

Anabelle1996 Thu 24-Dec-15 15:53:58

I do want too and the father of the baby has said he wants it but he will be fine with what ever decision (we aren't together)

I'm 21, a student, live with friends (so not stable), not with the father (and don't want to be) so practically this couldn't work. I have no savings. My family are Jehovah's witnesses and we have a bad relationship as it is as I decided not to follow their faith, before I started uni I was living in a hostel because they made me leave home.

FriendofBill Thu 24-Dec-15 16:05:56

You say you 'do want too' to end or continue the pregnancy?
I would go with that, the thing you want.

DinoSnores Thu 24-Dec-15 16:20:16

Hermione, it doesn't do anyone any favours to tell them the wrong information to force them towards a particular decision, whatever you think about termination.

"the foetus is the size of a grain of rice"

At 11 weeks, the fetus is around 4cm long.

Anabelle, that all sounds very hard and I am sorry. You don't need to make a decision either way though until the day after Boxing Day (and even then it can be put off) so I hope you are able to come to a clear decision after some rest and time thinking, although I can appreciate that it would be hard after such a sudden loss.

I get the impression though from your last post that it is the practicalities that are stopping you. All universities will have seen pregnant students and often (mine certainly did) they have good childcare links and a lot of support for student parents. If it is what you want to do, it will be hard but it is doable.

jorahmormont Thu 24-Dec-15 17:06:28

So sorry for your loss. It's understandable that you're now struggling with your decision flowers

If you do decide to cancel the appointment, I can offer advice with university. I've recently graduated after getting pregnant in my second year of uni at 19 (while living in a shared student house, two hours away from family etc), it's difficult but doable.

Whatever you decide I hope the coming days are kind to you flowers

CharlyWooplus2 Thu 24-Dec-15 17:08:44

Hi Anabelle, do you have anyone in RL you can talk to about this? Do you have access to some counselling? I really understand your situation with your parents as I have been in the exact same one at the same age, and it's really hard without the added complication of a pregnancy.

I wouldn't want to advise you on a course of action, as that's your choice and I think you'd be wise to talk it through with a counsellor if possible, but what I would say is that at 19 when I was effectively cut-off from my JW parents, it was really hard, but I got my degree, started a new life, met an amazing man in my mid-late 20s and we've been married for nearly 10 years, with 3rd child on the way. You can create a nice stable, happy life for yourself - without the religious complication! they're still in my life but get no say or control over it. Keep in mind all of your original reasons and have faith in yourself to make the right decision - best of luck with whatever you decide and sorry for your loss x

sepa Thu 24-Dec-15 17:42:38

I think what your feeling after a death is normal especially in someone so young and unexpected. We are programmed to fight for our life etc.
This however doesn't detract from why you wanted a termination in the first place though. I think you need to talk to someone who is trained with this sort of thing. I'm sure a midwife or GP can refer you to someone who may be better able to help.

A decision like this can only be decided by yourself. I know people who have aborted and have not looked back on their decision as it was right but also people who regret their decision.

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