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Sat in the bath starting to get a bit worried..

(30 Posts)
Frankie72 Tue 22-Dec-15 11:39:43

I'm just sat in the bath contemplating life and everything that's going to happen next year... All being well!

But starting to get a bit stressed :-(

Bit of back story... we moved areas about a year ago for work and everything has been great! New job and house have worked out fab and me and the hub are quite proud of what we have achieved. The 'problem' is that our social scene has not developed and I regularly travel for a hour to see my friends and old work mates. Now looking at a 10 month stretch with a baby... And no friends?! I'm honestly scared and starting to feel lonely. I'm a teacher and the 6 week holidays this year were looonng so have kinda already felt the prang of lonely :-( not that I would give the 6 week holidays up for anything though!!

I'm considering the nct course just to make friends... Or would that just be silly money to spend?!

GiddyOnZackHunt Tue 22-Dec-15 11:42:54

Most of my NCT course were there for that reason smile

Impatientwino Tue 22-Dec-15 11:48:55

Making friends was the only reason we did the NCT course really. I can honestly say it was the best money we spent in a baby sense.

Those girls were amazing, we had regular coffee meets and 'oh my god what have we done' chats, shared tips and laughs (and lots of cake!) and as our babies got a bit bigger we had a few boozy nights out.

You won't get on with everyone but you should find a few people you have common ground with.

Our babies are now 3.5 and 2 of those girls remain some of my closest friends. We now all have second children or are expecting and I am so grateful to have those girls as friends.

moggle Tue 22-Dec-15 11:55:48

We had just moved to our new area when I was 7m pregnant. The place we lived before, we never made friends or did anything locally as we were still focused on friends and socialising where we worked (london).
We hit the jackpot with our NCT group (small, just 5 couples) and 14m later we are all still great friends and see each other quite a lot. We were lucky, but chances are you'll find at least a couple of friends in the group that you will be happy to continue seeing frequently even if they don't become your new BFF. Also I found in the early months I only needed one thing to do a day and that felt like I was being "busy"... coffee with a friend, trip into town, my mum or other family coming over, a baby group. That plus feeding, changing, getting them to sleep pretty much killed the whole day until DH came home :-D
Apart from the NCT friends, I met lots of other mums at baby groups too and now I can't go into town without seeing at least one person I met during my mat leave who I can stop and chat to. It's nice, I really feel like we are settled here now. I'm sure you will too!

HeffalumpTrap Tue 22-Dec-15 11:57:43

I did the daisy birthing course for exactly that reason. Much cheaper than the NCT and we're still great friends

brookeberry Tue 22-Dec-15 12:08:35

I always hear such good things like this about the NCT classes that that's one of the main reasons I've signed up too! We moved out more into the country just before I got pregnant (with DC1) and I'm used to being at work 6 day a week, so it would be good to make some new friends. My concern is age - I'm 42 - I'm assuming everyone will be quite a bit younger. That's okay, but it might be harder for me.

ammature Tue 22-Dec-15 12:23:18

Just finished our nct course I think it was brilliant and there's already a girls lunch arranged for January. Do it!

CaptainKit Tue 22-Dec-15 12:59:51

I'm skipping the NCT course because it's just too far to get to, and the likelihood that any of the mums I met there would be from anywhere near me seems fairly low, but am hoping to make it to at least one baby group/class/thing a week once the baby arrives - both to get me out of the house, and to meet people.

Dixiechick17 Tue 22-Dec-15 13:05:36

So glad we did NCT, we were also lucky with our group.

brookeberry our NCT group ranges from 26 to 42 and you wouldn't know it, we're all in the same boat being first time Mums and get on great sad

Highlove Tue 22-Dec-15 13:29:24

I was in the same position as you, OP, and did NCT purely to meet people. It was brilliant - still in touch with all of them (our babies are rising 2) and quite close to a couple. Do it - worth every penny.

Brooke our NCT age group ranged from 27 to 41. Mostly mid-30s. I wouldn't worry about it.

Daffydil Tue 22-Dec-15 13:36:52

We moved country when I was 32 weeks. Did an nct course and some of us still regularly meet up over 3 years later.

It was a complete lifeline for me, and made the world of difference.

I also made other friends doing other baby related things - baby groups and baby massage and signing and stuff.

I'm usually not very good at making friends, but for the first time in my life have a managed to build a good, supportive network.

Good luck - I'm sure it will work out for you.

brookeberry Tue 22-Dec-15 13:42:23

Thanks Dixie and Highlove for the reassurance, that's great to hear! My DH is in his mid-30s, so it does lower our average age grin

LillyBugg Tue 22-Dec-15 13:48:12

I only made one good friend through nct, which was a bit disappointing. But her friendship alone made the money worth it.

I made more friends through sure start groups which are free at children's centres. Honestly OP there are more people out there in the same boat as you than you realise. You have to be a bit brave, ask someone round for coffee or even just swap numbers with someone so you can chat by text. It can be hard but the friendships you can make will save you from te loneliness and if you have children of similar ages it really is invaluable.

Noodledoodledoo Tue 22-Dec-15 14:00:57

I was I the same situation as you about 18 months ago. I also have the 6 week stretch as am also a teacher.

NCT was fab for us we all gelled really well and still get together although less so now most have returned to work. Had 4 round yesterday for a Christmas party.

Also second classes - I was a bit of a maverick with my classes and a lot of my NCT group did things together which is fine but I branched out and did stuff alone and have another fab group of mummies I frequently see as well.

It does take effort - I had a realisation one week I knew all the babies names but not the mums so that week every class I went to I asked all the mums names and joked about the fact I didn't know it and then one if them suggested we all went for a coffee. Now a really good group of friends.

Champagneformyrealfriends Tue 22-Dec-15 14:22:09

I'm doing NCT for the same reason! I'm basically buying pals (hopefully!) grin

Brummiegirl15 Tue 22-Dec-15 14:37:24

I did NCT for the exact same reason!

The classes didn't tell me anything I didn't already know but it was good to meet new people. I've only just finished them and no babies have arrived yet, but we already have a whatsapp group

NerrSnerr Tue 22-Dec-15 14:48:22

We moved to a new area when I was pregnant. We did the NCT and I met up with them weekly throughout my maternity leave. I also went to our Local toddler groups and have developed a lovely group of friends from the village all with small children. It's really nice. Having a tiny baby is a great time to meet new people.

wonkylegs Tue 22-Dec-15 15:07:53

We did NCT for that very reason and made a good group of friends, we're still friends 7years down the line despite us moving out of area - I was the youngest in the group by 4 years at 29, oldest mum was 45, oldest dad 50.
I'm now expecting again and am not doing NCT again but our new village has a bumps and babies coffee morning which I've been to a few times and am starting to get to know other mums who will have babies at the same size. I already know a few parents from the school run with my 7yo but I want some people I can do things with the baby with.

purplewhale Tue 22-Dec-15 15:27:26

Mummynatal did it for me, and baby massage. There's loads of groups for babies, you can do singing, signing, sensory, swimming. Plus just baby groups too. Check out Facebook in your area for these things.
I didn't do NCT but lots do, it's expensive but it was full when I tried to book at 25 weeks

Loraline Tue 22-Dec-15 15:31:28

NCT was good for this but my local children's centre, library and community clinic also had lots of mum and baby things on which I went to. The same faces kept turning up at them all so I got to know loads of local women.

SkodaLabia Tue 22-Dec-15 15:32:15

I didn't do NCT, and did very few baby groups as DD, wise thing that she is, hated them. However, I got chatting to one woman there one day who I thought seemed on my wave length, swallowed my inhibitions and asked her to meet up for a coffee. We are now really good friends.

So, go to groups, and if you like the look of anyone cling like a limpet be forward in starting to get to know them better.

DreamingOfThruxtons Tue 22-Dec-15 15:50:50

NCT didn't work at all for me- I really think it depends on luck. I'd probably advocate going to baby groups (e.g. breastfeeding support, baby massage, playgroups etc) rather than forking out a lot of money on the off chance you make friends with some people there. I found the interactions there more 'natural' and relaxed, really, and less forced than at NCT.

I didn't do nct but only because I couldn't afford it, I moved house at 36 weeks and my baby is now a toddler and I have some very good friends that I have met through playgroups and classes, my advice would be talk to everyone who sits beside you and you'll come across a number of people you click with.

Good luck x

leaningtoweroflego Tue 22-Dec-15 15:56:14

I moved to a new town and made friends through NCT, mumsnet meet ups and the netmums meet-a-mum board (which is a bit like dating but with more cake and coffee but less romance or stress!)

As long as you can get yourself out and about (once you've got into the swing of being a mum that is, don't push yourself!) then you will probably find it's a really easy time to make friends,.as there are likely lots of other mums in the same boat.

Also even those who have loads of mates in your town already might not know anyone with DC the same age and will probably be extra keen to make friends too.

bittapitta Tue 22-Dec-15 16:09:37

It doesn't have to be NCT. Are you on any local parents Facebook groups? That's how I arranged meet ups with local mums with babies the same age at the start of maternity leave. Use Mumsnet local, your council website (family services for children's centres), Facebook groups etc to find out local playgroups and baby groups (whatever suits your interests - baby yoga, music?) and get chatting to other friendly faces. You'll be surprised, you'll get to know your local area really well on mat leave!

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