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I don't know what to do

(5 Posts)
Mumtoa5 Tue 22-Dec-15 01:16:27

I have a five year old and I'm due in Feb . They have different fathers here's the thing .. The baby's dad and I don't get on because he wants something I don't I lived with him for a few months and I've never felt so unhappy and trapped in my life I tried to convince myself I was happy with him only as the weeks went by it got worse and worse to the point I was crying everyday and hated my life .. I gave up my own place to move into his I feel so stupid and regret everything with him now I'm back to square one at home only with two kids by two different fathers I feel like I've failed my daughter by letting this happen to us. Her father cheated on me that's why we ended .. Some days I'm happy but most days I'm gutted that this is my life now and it's so selfish I know but who's going to take me on with two kids by two different fathers 😞

jamtartandcustard Tue 22-Dec-15 06:16:49

I had two children by two different fathers. The first was violent and the second was just a fling. Like you my first was 5 when my second was born (also in Feb). And they are quite obviously different as dc2 is mixed race.
We have no contact with either of the dads (their choices really).
I am now married to a wonderful man, he already had a child as well, and we have another together and another (and the final one) on the way. So 5 between us. He has never battered an eyelid about the kids and accepts them as his now, and they accept him as their daddy. Dc1 has asked to be officially adopted which we are on the waiting list for. Dc2 is yet to question anything and we just let him be.
Don't worry about it. We live in a much more tolerant and accepting society where blended and step-families are the norm. We all have a past, some more obvious then others, but we also all have a future and you will be just fine and you will find happiness. Just enjoy being a mummy of 2 for now. You'll meet a wonderful man who is right for you when the time is right

April2013 Tue 22-Dec-15 07:18:40

Me and my sister have 2 different fathers, I don't think it has ever really affected my mum's love life and I think it is fairly common, the main thing is you don't live with your ex and have the freedom to find your own place eventually. Loads of people have a similar history and I think this is so much better than couples staying together even though they don't love each other for the parents and the children. The relationship turned out to not be right but none of us know what is around the corner and the main thing is you dealt with it which is a good thing you have done for your daughter and your new baby and yourself.

Mumtoa5 Tue 22-Dec-15 15:12:05

That's what I tell myself I left id rather be a happy single mum than unhappy being in "fake family" the thing is .. Before I started seeing him I was with someone else we'd both just got out of serious relationships so we didn't want anything serious and I was so happy with him then stuff happened so we stopped but is never truly got over him I only realised this when i moved in with babies dad and it wasn't anything like what me and this lad had there was no fun no happiness nothing I couldn't even be with him intimately.. Now this lad keeps messaging me ringing me telling me he's gutted and wants me and he realised he's fucked up and wants us to be proper and to start again even though I'm pregnant with someone else's baby .. My heads all over he makes me happy like really happy but other part of me is scared because of how much he could hurt me if you understand ? Like its a lot to take me on but to take my kids on to I don't know if he could do it he says he could and wants to and loves kids .. Thing is I've become so self conscious about my body since being pregnant it's horrible never hated it so much just want it over with my body don't feel like my body I've seen my midwife feel horrible for thinking like this and hating it when it's probably the most beautiful best thing a women can do in her life

jamtartandcustard Tue 22-Dec-15 21:09:12

I hate being pregnant also. I hate how my body changes and what it becomes I honestly cannot find a single joy in pregnancy so what you are feeling is perfectly normal.
If this other guy really wants to be with you and make it work then he should respect you enough to give you at least 6 months to focus on your kids and get your head and heart in order. It wouldn't be good for your older child just to go from one relationship to another. Give yourself time. If he wants you he will wait d

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