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being asked about previous pregnancies

(92 Posts)
Brightside65 Sun 20-Dec-15 20:50:17

I had an early termination 14 years ago. Something I didn't tell anyone about and was 100% right for me.

I haven't told my husband and in all honestly don't think I should, my medical history before I met him is my business.

I was also concerned when we fell pregnant that I would have to declare to midwife about my previous pregnancy but I would do this and ask for info to be confidential. I knew I definitely need to declare it because I'm Rehsus negative blood and have had and will need anti d injections.

Cutting long story short I will be going to booking appointment myself and will speak to midwife. However I had to go for early scan during the week as I had little bleed. The hospital asked on phone my medical history and if I had been pregnant before I said about abortion and asked if this would be asked again I was told yes at booking appointment. I went for scan next morning sat in room with my husband and midwife said " this is your 2nd pregnancy" I said no I was so shocked, I spoke to her later when husband was out room and I was so annoyed.

I do not want to be worrying my whole pregnancy about this being brought up. Can I ask midwife for it not to be written in my book/ notes?

Also have a family member who works in maternity and told me she had seen my medical file while processing - it's causing me anxiety surely my medical history is my business this is 2015 not 1950.

KnitsBakesAndReads Sun 20-Dec-15 20:57:18

I think I've seen something in my pregnancy notes that says they can record information about previous pregnancies separately if you want to keep that information confidential. Definitely ask your midwife at your booking appointment, I'm sure they get questions like this quite frequently.

I understand you being anxious about a relative who works in the maternity service seeing your records, but I'm not sure how a hospital could avoid this if the relative would have to handle your records as part of his or her job. Could you tell your midwife about your concern and ask who will have access to your records?

Doublebubblebubble Sun 20-Dec-15 20:57:36

Hmmm. Its a difficult one. I have had 2 miscarriages, a stillbirth of twins and I have a 6 year old DD so for my ds (9 weeks) I wrote previous losses and had a count the kicks sticker on it. None of the midwives I saw (other than my midwife I saw at the Drs surgery and my consultant who has helped me through all of my pregnancies since the stillbirths) paid any attention and would always ask "is this your first pregnancy" they just don't have time to look through everything even though they really really should - so unfortunately I would expect it a few times more. I would personally speak to my dh if I were in your situation, though I understand why you shouldn't have to if you don't want to x

Brightside65 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:03:10

Thank you ladies.

I'll speak to midwife. To be fair I didn't even think about the relative until she mentioned tonight, I can't control that one ages fairly nosey (love her but she is) so I suspect she looked it out!

I think I'll ask the midwife the reasons why I need to declare - it was abortion at 4 weeks - had I not been rh negative i don't know why I would need to say.

I'm also still annoyed at midwife asking infront of husband, also asked about previous sti's, I didn't have any but again I've worked in sexual health and these are very personal questions and not something you would necessarily share with partner.

I'll see what midwife says, I'm completely capable of telling doctors I need anti d injections so would rather it wasn't written down with fear my husband reads it.

Quodlibet Sun 20-Dec-15 21:04:08

To be fair (and not to belittle the significance of your previous pregnancy) but if you had an early termination, from the midwife's pov I doubt it matters hugely if you say it's your first pg if people casually ask without reading your file. In medical terms I can't see how a previous early termination would medically have any bearing on this pregnancy?

I guess I'm suggesting you ask for it to be recorded somewhere in your notes but that you don't worry overly about the white lie if you are asked on the spot.

Doublebubblebubble Sun 20-Dec-15 21:06:33

I spoke to her later when husband was out room and I was so annoyed

What did the midwife say afterwards?

Brightside65 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:06:39

Quodlibet I agree, I think that's why I want to ask what significance it has.

If I didn't have rh negative blood I'm not sure I would have said but I know I have to as a got anti d injection after my abortion and they need to know I had this next time I fell pregnant but again I can tell them this without it being in notes.

Brightside65 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:08:56

Doublebubble she didn't apologise and basically said its a standard question they ask and need to know. To be fair i was aware husband was downstairs so just left and thought I'd raise it with my midwife at booking appointment.

It completely distracted me at the scan because I was shocked it was asked but same time I get its standard question.

I just really don't want to have the fear of it happening throughout pregnancy.

SpendSpendSpend Sun 20-Dec-15 21:09:09

Im rh neg blood. I cant understand why the midwife would have to be told about a pregnancy terminated at 4 weeks.

I personally would never of mentioned it, it would never of occurred to me

PeaceLoveAndMincePies Sun 20-Dec-15 21:10:06

Your blood will be tested for your rh status anyway so even if you didn't mention it, they would know to give you the injection.

LineyReborn Sun 20-Dec-15 21:10:59

Don't say anything.

A wanker of a junior doctor announced my TOP to the whole bloody ante-natal ward, including my husband, by reading it out aloud from my notes.

My H knew about it, but the doctor didn't know that.

Next time round, having DC2, the midwife - who I told the story to - said she it was irrelevant and she would leave it off my notes.

Brightside65 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:11:13

I should have mentioned, because I declare it during phone call with aid wife day before the midwife I seen with my husband didn't ask she just said "so this is your second pregnant"

I said No it's my first.

So my worry is if I declare it again it will keep being referred to as my 2nd pregnancy

Brightside65 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:14:59

Lineyreborn aw that's shocking! I think I'm just shocked that someone's medical history can't be confidential if they chose it to be!

Mincepies I think that's what I need to find out, what's the relevance of the anti d injection I got during last pregnancy and this one. If I hadn't been pregnant before would I need more injections?

I don't want to do anything to harm baby but want to know facts and options

5madthings Sun 20-Dec-15 21:15:57

I think they have to ask and I guess their assumption is thst if you have taken your husband or whoever to your private medical appointment that you don't mind them being their and potentially hearing your medical details etc.

But yes there must be a way around recording it on notes etc?

I can totally see your pov Btw and agree you don't have to share the info but medical appointments during pregnancy are for you. It's nice if your husband wants to support you and I can see why you want him.there for scans but by allowing him to accompany you to a medical app the staff are assuming it's Ok that he hears.

Brightside65 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:18:19

That's the thing it was a early scan and I checked if it would be asked at the scan and told no but when j got there the midwife referred to this as second pregnancy.

My worry is it will be like that throughout pregnancy.

soundedbetterinmyhead Sun 20-Dec-15 21:19:00

Your family member was not being professional at all by telling you that they had seen your medical file. It's part of their job to maintain confidentiality in that respect.

Could you be open just with your DH about your previous termination? - as you say, it was 100% right for you and many years ago, unless you told him you were a virgin when you married, he'd expect you to have had a life before him and it's one of the previous experiences that makes you who you are and he might be wondering about your anxiety.

Brightside65 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:22:57

Soundedbetter I agree family member was totally not being professional and I didn't want to get annoyed because she made out she was doing her job but I know she would have looked it out. There wouldn't have been any notes because they start them from scratch during pregnancy but I know soon as I'm booked in the info will be there and I can guarantee she won't look.

In terms of telling husband, I really don't want to, I just don't feel I have to. Nothing about being a virgin or anything but mainly as this was a decision I made, something I kept to myself and I don't feel he needs to know.

I think I'm more frustrated with that more than anything in this day and age my medical history is my business.

VoldysGoneMouldy Sun 20-Dec-15 21:24:09

To be fair to your midwife, I guess it would be presumed you'd told your husband, and she's right in that it's a standard question.

What is stopping you from just being honest with your husband? Because otherwise you will spend all of this pregnancy tripping over yourself to cover up.

Brightside65 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:25:55

I'm not considering not declaring and maybe trying to speak to another midwife to get clarification on reasons why I would have to say especially around my rh neg blood.

Does the fact I've had anti D injection after termination have impact on this pregnancy that doctor needs to know about.

VoldysGoneMouldy Sun 20-Dec-15 21:26:09

But, in the most gentle way, right now it is more than just your business. It is a whole department business, and people will presume your husband can be involved in discussions surrounding you and your baby well-being.

Brightside65 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:28:26

Voldys that's my worry I don't want anxiety throughout pregnancy about it being mentioned.

I don't think I have to tell my husband. And this situation is forcing me to which is frustrating me. It was so long ago and part of my life that I don't want to bring up or feel my husband can't bring anything too apart from me having to explain my reasoning to him. He would be supportive but I don't need that.

Brightside65 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:29:40

That's what I need to know though - why is a pregnancy that ended at 4 weeks relevant to this pregnancy and why do I not have the right as an individual to keep this info confidential?

Fugghetaboutit Sun 20-Dec-15 21:30:28

Can't you tell your husband you had a miscarriage a few years ago but still counts as second pregnancy?

It will be asked at every appointment so it will make you anxious which you don't need

unimaginativename13 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:33:22

To be honest I didn't realise this either and my mum was at my booking in appt.

I had no previous pregnancies but dos wonder what if I had and I'd not told her.

I did however have an STI previously.

Just a word of warning, you will get asked a lot. My DH didn't come to my appt as there was no need.

However I did get ask during labour if I had previously had a termination or miscarriage due to an issue with my cervix. My DH and my mum were both present.

I did say to both of them what if I had and they didn't know! But in a complicated labour the consultant isn't going to care.

Brightside65 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:33:50

I think if I say miscarriage then I would get automatic referral to early pregnancy unit as they monitor how you are in next pregnancy, I'm sure this is happening to a friend and again it's a bigger lie incase I'm asked what happened/when etc.

I'm comfortable saying about termination to medical professional as part of my care in this pregnancy but there needs to be a way it's confidential.

Thank you to everyone for replies it feels better chatting about it

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