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when to tell people???

(29 Posts)
JLK1995 Thu 17-Dec-15 15:03:27

I will be 11 weeks Xmas day and my partner wants to tell people then? What do people recommend do you think it will be okay or should I wait till after the scan?

FondantFancy66 Thu 17-Dec-15 15:10:35

Both times I waited. I wanted the reassurance of the scan before letting everybody know.

seven201 Thu 17-Dec-15 15:12:03

I told my dad, sisters and best friends before scan, everyone else afterwards. It's up to you.

JLK1995 Thu 17-Dec-15 15:13:37

He only wants to tell family Xmas day as as this is my first baby I'm a bit nervous on what to do really ?

QforCucumber Thu 17-Dec-15 15:14:07

We told immediate family pretty much the week we found out, after a previous mmc and being glad they knew because of the support I was happy to tell them early.

Told a couple of close friends before the scan too purely because we were at a bbq at a neighbours and they all were asking why I wasn't drinking.

Thurlow Thu 17-Dec-15 15:17:08

Whatever you feel confident with. I told my family and close friends as soon as I had a positive test as I knew these were people I would talk to, and want supporting me, should anything not have gone well with the pregnancy. I do get why it's tradition not to tell people before the 12 week scan, but if something does (sadly) go wrong, does that mean you shouldn't tell anyone then?

Equally I had to tell work at about 7w pregnant as I was so ill, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't penalised for being off.

possum18 Thu 17-Dec-15 15:18:26

I told my mum the day after my test, my dad and sister at 7 weeks after a scare and a stay in hospital, which included an early scan. Close friends at 10 weeks after an additional scan and told everyone I was having twins after yet another scan at 12 weeks! It's really down to personal preference. I only told people before 12 weeks if I knew they were people if want around me or there for me should the worst happen.
Best of luck and congratulations thanks

Mslg Thu 17-Dec-15 15:18:53

I'm in the same boat as you but only 7 weeks😑 I'm usually a party animal at Christmas and I know for sure that my family will smell a rat. Its so difficult to cover it up when you usually like a drink! I think tell your immediate family anyway, it will probably make their Christmas 😊

TheGreaterGood Thu 17-Dec-15 15:22:19

I will also be 11 weeks xmas day! Congrats! I've told my close family already as I've had previous MCs and I wanted support with the anxiety.

My thoughts are that if these are people you would confide in if all was not well at the scan, then why not tell them now but make it clear that you're waiting to properly celebrate until after the scan? It's not as if you're announcing it on facebook...

Or if finances allow, you could see if you can get yourself a private early scan next week so you feel more confident about telling them?

Mermaid36 Thu 17-Dec-15 15:26:05

I've told some limited people in the last week or so (7/8 weeks), mainly because I have had pretty bad morning sickness and needed some time off work. Also, I'm already in maternity trousers at 8wks cos I'm so bloated.

We plan to tell family over Xmas (9/10 weeks) because I already look pretty pregnant! I'm sure they'd notice!

Kaytee1987 Thu 17-Dec-15 15:52:27

I'm 8+4 and I've told my mum & a couple of close friends that knew DH and I were trying. We're having a private scan next week and after that we will tell his mum, brother, my brother & sil. Have a feeling his mum will tell everyone she meets even if I ask her not to hmm she will be too excited to not. I don't see the harm in telling people before a scan if you wouldn't mind them knowing if something went wrong. Could you get a private scan before Christmas if that makes you feel better?

GoApeShit Thu 17-Dec-15 16:08:20

Prior to our 12 week scan we only told people who we would tell if we had a miscarriage (prompted by actually having had an MC a year ago). It's only a couple of weeks, just wait until after the scan.

BessieBlount Thu 17-Dec-15 16:13:16

Oh I'd definitely tell. What a lovely Christmas present for them. I can totally see why he wants to tell them. I told everyone who mattered to us at about 5/6wks. I figured that if something went wrong, I'd tell them anyway.
Congratulations! Your news will make Christmas!

wonkylegs Thu 17-Dec-15 16:20:10

I told one friend before my 12 week scan and then at 12 wks we told family but because we had a miscarrage this time last year at 17wks we waited until we had a good 16 week scan to tell everybody else.

AllChangeLife Thu 17-Dec-15 16:20:27

Could you treat yourself to a private scan before Xmas? You should be able to see a heartbeat by now so reassurance before you tell people? We told at 8 weeks post a private scan?

kaymondo Thu 17-Dec-15 16:35:16

You'll have a much more relaxing Christmas if you tell people and don't have to make excuses as to why you're avoiding the mulled wine and soft cheese!

I agree with the previous posters that if you'd tell your family if you had a MC then there is no reason to wait until 12 weeks to tell them. My close friends and family knew pretty much straight away but knew it wasn't generally public knowledge until my scan.

JLK1995 Thu 17-Dec-15 16:46:11

I want a private scan but the cheapest I have found is £65 confused I won't to tell people as yes it will be a good suprise on Xmas day but I can't help worrying I understand what people have said like would you want them to no if the worst happened which yes I probz would lol! Really confussed on what's best this will be my first child so just want everything perfect X

londonrach Thu 17-Dec-15 17:24:26

7 weeks now. Dsis knows. Telling dm and df xmas eve. Am worried this is tempting fate but the lack of alcohol will give it away anyway. Rest of the world after first scan.

Kaytee1987 Thu 17-Dec-15 17:24:47

£65 is brilliant, mine is £100. If you would let them know if you had a mc then just go ahead and tell them. People knowing won't change the outcome of anything.

MrsPCR Thu 17-Dec-15 17:44:16

We didn't hesitate telling immediate family. We went on holiday a few days after finding out so we were 7 weeks before we saw them. We couldn't imagine going through a miscarriage and our immediate family not knowing, particularly as MIL was impatient for grandchildren- saves her inadvertently putting her foot in it! Fortunately all has been well and now 26 weeks. Waited til 12 weeks for everyone else apart from a couple of work colleagues at 11 weeks.

Good luck and enjoy telling people!

Queazy Fri 18-Dec-15 18:48:08

I'd personally wait, but if you're only telling people that you'd tell if (God forbid) something did go wrong, then do tell and celebrate over Xmas.

Brummiegirl15 Fri 18-Dec-15 19:40:15

Having had 3 miscarriages, "untelling people" is very very difficult and distressing to do.

But it shouldn't be taboo, and if your family were the first people you'd turn to for support if the worst happen, then tell them.

bippitybopityboo Fri 18-Dec-15 20:07:37

I'll be 10 weeks too and we have told most of our family and my hubby has a 'I'm going to be a daddy' t shirt to wear to tell the grandparents. It's such a lovely time to tell them. I also worry about EVERYTHING with this being my 1st too but I also think I would want all of their support if a MC did happen (pray that it doesnt) good luck and have a lovely Christmas xxx

JLK1995 Sat 19-Dec-15 06:11:22

Thank you everybody I think I am going to tell them all, as you have all said I would want there support if the worst was to happen, thanks for the advice merry Christmas xxx

mellmumma Sat 19-Dec-15 08:55:29

I'll be 11 weeks at Xmas and will be telling me grandparents, uncles, aunts & cousins as it isn't often we all get together.

Our situation us a little different though. When I first found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks, I had to tell my manager straight away. I work as airline cabin crew and you have to stop flying when you find out your pregnant and get put in ground duties instead. You get removed from everyones roster and it is blaringly obvious why.

So within a week, my colleagues all knew. 40+ people right there in a matter of days.

Knowing that this many people, some mere acquaintainces, knew of my pregnancy helped give me perspective on who to tell before 12 weeks.

We told our mums, dads, brothers & sisters as well as best friends within the 6-9 week mark.

I figure telling people won't make something going wrong, if the worst happens there are so many people that know but there are ways of getting the word spread so I wouldn't have to do it personally.

I think the stress of trying to hide it can actually be quite immense, so I feel pretty relaxed and happy that my secret is out early.

Good luck and merry xmas! Xx

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