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Having a girl - unexpectedly scared!

(19 Posts)
InstantFlowers Wed 16-Dec-15 12:16:44

I found out recently my baby is a girl. I'd had an equal longing for a girl and a boy, and thought I'd be delighted. I mostly am, but I'm worrying as well. I'm not girly myself at all - what if she is and we're not as close? I was never good at girl-group friendships but I'll have to help her with them! I have a difficult relationship with my own mother, so I'm terrified of repeating history. I'm scared because she's going to face all the sexism of being a girl, and I've just lost my job/career so I'm scared I'm not even going to be a good role model for her.

I know I'm being really silly. But can anyone offer me a bit of reassurance or tell me happy stories of their relationship with their daughter? Also are there any good books on being a good (not smothery!) mother of a daughter?

goodnightdarthvader1 Wed 16-Dec-15 12:33:33


I'm not worried about my DD being overly girly even if I'm not, tbh I'd probably envy her a bit! And there are plenty of YouTube vids to teach her how to do make up ;) Remember, she won't be some cliquey stranger, she'll be your daughter!

Although I'm with you on the sexism worries and how to teach her to navigate the inherent sexism in daily life. Especially as teenage boys can be knobs.

Threesquids Wed 16-Dec-15 14:03:07

Hello! I have a DD, she is 8.

I am the least girly person, I am the fix-it -wo-man around the house, I spend a lot of time at football and was always a tom boy growing up.

My daughter has developed her own personality, she loves make up, dresses etc, but also equally loves play fighting, footy and all other stuff deemed 'boyish'.

Don't worry! you will be fine smile

Threesquids Wed 16-Dec-15 14:03:42

Cross out fail!

Should have been woman lol

InstantFlowers Wed 16-Dec-15 17:14:48

Thank you smile

KatyN Wed 16-Dec-15 17:17:36

I share your worries!! I have a son and just assumed we'd have a second. When they couldn't see a willy at the scan I was very surprised!
I look at girls in playground with ridiculous hair and silly skirts on and wonder why they aren't really annoyed their hair/frock gets in the way of their playing?

I have talked to a few mums of girls about it but also tried to reassure myself that my son isn't massively boyey but quite normal (!!). He isn't a massive stereotype!!

Also. There's not much I can do about it!!!!


hellsdells82 Wed 16-Dec-15 17:20:11

My daughter is not girly at all.
When she was born we did the pretty dress and florals and frills etc etc but it became apparent by the time she was 9months old she was not one for flowers or headbands and clips etc...
Im also not all girly, i was a tree climber,brook jumper, scruffy mess and didnt give two shites what anyone else thought. I was happy.
Me and the hubby always let our daughter make her own mind up amd never forced anything onto her. If she wanyed to wear be it. Skirts...up to her. As ot so happens she found her own personality amd is very much the tree climbing carefree scruffy tomboy i was. Thats just her. Shes happy. We are happy. Shes 9 now,loves ponies and horses (we own them so getting a bit messy is part of lofe anyways) but she would rather muck out a stinky poopy stable than wear make up.

We love her all the same. No need to worry op, when your lil girly is here,she will guide you with her own personality. You will still love her. No matter what.
Congrats and good luck. Xxx

OrionsAccessory Wed 16-Dec-15 17:44:08

I've got two girls and neither of them are massive walking stereotypes! They like doing each other's hair, they spent most of the summer tying bits of grass and daisies in their hair whilst being 'Wood-living Girls'. My 5 yo loves superheroes, her favourite is Batman but she also likes black widow and will tell anyone who will listen about how unfair it is that black widow is left of 90% of avengers stuff. And good luck to anyone that tells her Batman is for boys! She also loves barbie and Shirley Hughes books and rocks and drawing and playing on the trampoline. My 7 yo is usually too busy reading Roald Dahl books to do much of anything else at the moment.

They are loud and sweet and annoying and brave and thoughtful and fast and grumpy and kind and occasionally they really like to kick the shit out of each other.

You'll be giving birth to a unique individual that you will love. Knowing that your baby is a girl tells you how society will react to her, it doesn't tell you anything about her as a person. You're lucky enough to have the 'finding out who she is' part stretching out ahead of you for years and years smile congratulations!

scarednoob Wed 16-Dec-15 17:48:37

Ah, when she's here, you wouldn't swap a hair on her head! She won't be born one way or the other; if she is into v girly stuff or v tomboyish or v much in the middle, it will develop as you get to know each other, and so you'll have time to acclimatise. Yes there will be things girls face that you can't control or help her with, but you'll do the best you can.

Congratulations on your lovely baby girl!

CarShare Wed 16-Dec-15 17:51:01

Very similar position op. I'm not a girly girl- enjoy spending time at the weekends watching football and rugby with my husband plus friends, was terrible at girl group friendship politics at school (although have quite a few close female friends these days), packed in my stressful job a year or so ago and doing something much less 'worthy' (and far lower paid). Also not remotely close to my mother- we just don't click and she is very judgemental of me.
My biggest fear is my daughter and I having as dysfunctional relationship as I have with my mother. I found that writing all my worries down helped and I talked them through with my husband. Even being aware of potential pitfalls is a start I think. My aim is to be warm, caring and accepting of all the things she is and isn't, and to take it all one day at a time. I've asked my husband to give me a nudge if he thinks I'm getting it wrong. My sister has a similar relationship with our mother too, she's not very girly or career minded these days and she's doing an amazing job with her daughter. She had the same worries we do which caused her terrible anxiety for a while.
We probably need to give ourselves some credit for wanting to get it right so badly and have faith that the rest will fall into place in time.

grumpysquash Wed 16-Dec-15 17:56:13

I am not girly (have long hair, but only so I can shove it in a ponytail and not bother with styling). My DD is not especially girly, not a tomboy either, just somewhere in the middle.
I had an OK relationship with my mum but we were/are not particularly close.
I have a lovely relationship with DD - close, funny, interesting. We have a nice time. She is 12 now and we do things like: adopting guinea pigs, going to the theatre, going to X factor live shows (yes, I know, not everyone's cup of tea), occasional shopping, painting her bedroom, cooking etc.

I also have two boys who are fabulous. I do different stuff with them.

Your DD will be brilliant and you will love it, I'm sure smile

Jw35 Wed 16-Dec-15 18:07:12

What an odd concern if you don't mind me saying blush I've got 2 girls and I'm not a girly girl just a normal girl! It doesn't matter does it? Parenting either sex is fine and you have your own relationship built on trust and love. How you and your mum get on shouldn't have anything to with it (hopefully). Congrats! I'm hoping for a boy this time but happy either way smile

InstantFlowers Wed 16-Dec-15 18:51:23

It's reassuring to hear other people worried the same! And lovely to hear about people's daughters - I'm really looking forward to finding out what her personality is like :D

5hell Wed 16-Dec-15 19:50:57

i think if/when you find out the sex it makes it more real and whether it's a boy or a girl it can trigger lots of over-thinking, imagining etc etc...

we're having a boy and when i found out i was simultaneously relieved i wouldn't have to worry about doing fancy hair styles and a little bit worried he would be as creative or enjoy doing crafting/baking with me as much sexist much!? ...but as time has passed i realise I've no idea what our child will be like regardless of sex and now I'm just excited to meet them next year grin

However, boys names are MUCH harder than girls !!

evilgiraffe Wed 16-Dec-15 21:23:26

I have one daughter and another due in March - I'm not particularly "girly", and neither is my mum. DD is 17 months old and heaps of fun, I can't see our relationship struggling just because when she's a teenager she'll have to figure out makeup without me (if she cares).

She's a person first, not a girl. And she's my special and precious lovely little person, and I'm her mum who she loves to bits. That's all you can ask for, really smile

helloelo Wed 16-Dec-15 21:41:55

I was so scared DS1 would be a girl, I could not bond with bump before knowing. I knew I would have had to go and see a therapist to resolve issues with DM (who lost her DM when pg with me, amongst other things). As it turned out, becoming a mother myself resolved those issues and now I'm pg with DC2, I don't mind if it's a girl or a boy.

kilmuir Wed 16-Dec-15 21:46:31

I have 3 daughters. they are wonderful. I am a non make up wearing, quick brush through hair type of woman. My 17 year old is the exact opposite and we have a great relationship.
my youngest is a boy and he is lovely too!

Micah Wed 16-Dec-15 21:51:03

It will be her personality that dictates what she likes, whether you have anything in common,and what sort of relationship you have.

What's between her legs is largely irrelevant. You not being "girly" might help her stand against the stereotypes and peer pressure. If which there is a lot.

Sgtmajormummy Wed 16-Dec-15 22:02:05

I grew up with boys, my first is a boy and when I found out I was expecting a little girl it took me a few days to get used to the idea.
Now almost 10 years later I have a vibrant, opinionated, energetic, sensitive and creative young lady on my hands who has very much chosen HER way of doing things.
All I've done is keep her safe and healthy, offer her encouragement and stimulus and support her in every way I can think of.
Just like you'd do for a boy, really...

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