I am 26 weeks pregnant.
I am 22 years old living with my partner who is 24 and we both work full time but not very high salary jobs. We can not afford childcare so one of us will have to stay at home until our daughter is in school and then try to find jobs that mean we can both work.
Originally this was going to be me. However I am struggling with the thought of being at home all day every day, week after week, month after month. I can't see how I will cope. I don't enjoy the work aspect of my job I work in a bog standard factory job but I like the social aspect, the adult conversation, its a reason to get out of bed everyday and it gets me out the house. Problem is solved by the fact my partner has said he will stay at home if I want and I can go back to work. I don't have any friends and that is why I fear that I will be lonely and miserable. The only people I see outside of work are my partner, my partners family, my dad, my nan and my brother. I have one friend who always says he has no money to meet for lunch etc then I see his out drinking that night so his a total let down imo. I am a shy person, I struggle to talk to new people because I feel I don't have any common interests. I plan to leave work on 19th feb just short of 36 weeks pregnant. I felt pressured by my boss to leave early. I said I wanted to work until 39 weeks and he kept making comments about how I would struggle, how they where low on work so wanted someone gone (they also made someone redundant last week). I felt bullied into going early and I gave in and I am to scared to say I don't want to leave until a week before due date. Their are plenty of jobs that I can do sitting down and would not be uncomfortable for me and the commute is an easy one. The part of mat leave I am dreading is the weeks before baby here and if their overdue that could be as long as six weeks of work. I'm sure once baby is here I will have a bit more to fill my time with
I am also suffering with bad anxiety/depression and its taking over my life 100 per cent. It is leaving me with horrible feelings/thoughts that I am finding very hard to control. I have suffered with anxiety for years since age 16 mostly related to my health but I have worried about other things as well. The worst parts of my anxiety for me are fear of being on my own, fear of death, fear of loosing my partner, fear of health issues. Since becoming pregnant I have had many a tearful/highly anxious day and I am now at breaking point. Late last week/last weekend I had five nights where I was barely getting four hours sleep and this just broke me. The lack of sleep made me feel like a zombie and no matter what I did I just could not sleep at all. Luckily since Tuesday night I have been managing 6-9 hours sleep a night. Despite waking a lot for the toilet about 3-6 times a night I am falling back to sleep after 5-10 minutes each time which is great. I am suffering with the urge to move my legs a lot. My lower calfs. When I sit down I feel like they should be moving not still and it feels like an itch that needs to be satisfied. I hate it- I am fine at work even sitting (probably because I am distracted) but as soon as I come home that is it for the night and I dread going to bed as after last week I fear I will get no sleep every night. I've cut out caffeine this week and have really cut back on sugar except fruit and two small glasses of fruit smoothie to see if it helps. Last week my legs where twitching a lot as well but I don't know if this is just because I was so sleep deprived. The twitching has now stopped but I am so focused on how my legs feel now that I am questioning do I have RLS or am I so focused on it my anxiety is causing this. My partner suffers from RLS and I can see he moves his legs a lot but he says his used to it and it just feels uncomfortable to keep them still. The feeling for me though is horrible and whilst I can mostly manage to keep my legs still I hate it eg I have not felt it a lot writing this post as I have been focusing on this. The RLS is another reason I am dreading my mat leave as I feel like I don't want to be at home all day every day with this dreadful feeling.
It is also making me feel very disconnected from my baby/bump. For example her movements are no longer exciting, I'm no longer fussed about buying baby things etc. Don't mistake this for not wanting her. I really do- she is my daughter and I pray she is ok every day but I don't want to just be mum. I want to be and I want part of me to be being a mum. I am horribly depressed thinking that I have ruined my life.
I have just been referred for counselling sessions and I have my booking app next week with them. But in the mean time what do I do. All I want is to relax in the evening without worrying about my damn legs and it is making me depressed.
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Pregnancy
I don't want to be pregnant any more. I'm not coping at all.
Gingerlady123 · 12/12/2015 20:08
Pregnancy as a whole is incredibly overwhelming. 
Do speak to your dr/hv as they can help. Dont make any airtight plans with regard to going back to work you may find that when your DD is born your feelings change entirely! As for bonding have you though about having a 4d scan?? I felt disinterested with my DD (6) until I saw her little face properly.. Instant bond.
As for the social part. Babies actually help you make friends - they are cute thankfully and that tends to help lol - there are lots of mother and Baby groups and soft play etc. you honestly are not going to be locked away by having a baby good luck xx
Oh my lovely I have no idea about what to do about your legs I am afraid but I might be able to offer support with your other concerns.
First of all the majority of pregnant women have periods of feeling more, or less connected with their baby. When your baby is born it is very different I promise you.
If you have just been put forward for counceling that is a real possitive. I have been receiving help from the maternity psychologist for my anxiety since about 24 weeks and it has been a real God send. I spend half my time crying on her but she has been amazing.
You say you are shy and have difficulty in connecting with people because you have nothing in common, well getting out to local mum and baby groups, library book readings for baby etc you will meet people there who do have something in comon with you, a baby. Many of whom will be desperate to meet other mums in the same boat, who will also be adjusting to the change in their lives. Some of them will feel shy and self conscious too, some will be naturally more chatty and will more than likely make the first move and strike up conversation.
In the mean time if you need to just rant and get your worries off your chest feel free to pm me and I will gladly give you an ear, but please be gentle to yourself and rest assured that doubt and worry is normal, and an important stage in getting used to your new, and exciting life x
Hey OP, yes much better thank you
I found getting out to baby groups the hardest part, I'd often get there but never go in 
this stopped when is paid for a class I had to attend I then met a lovely lady who recognised I was struggling and took me along to other classes.
DD is 2.5 now and I still get upset thinking about pregnancy. The split working is a fabulous idea up thread, we have DD in nursery 3 days a week and each have a day with her.
It takes a while but does get easier, I took pregnancy a day at a time x
I also found mumsnet a god send, although I was too afraid to post at first 
Hi OP...wanted to post because what you say about your legs sounds very like when I was suffering a lot of panic attacks and would breath too fast.
It can cause those symptoms, and it sounds like you are getting into a cycle of getting anxious, overbreathing, resulting twitchy muscles making you more anxious, etc...
The good thing is that you can very much break the cycle and kind of reset yourself. It's great that you have counselling booked, because that should help you do that.
In the meantime, when you get anxious and twitchy legs, can you simply: stop yourself - be aware of the cycle you might be getting into - and just breath steadily, to the slow count of four: 1234 in, 1234 out...and just steadily keep that going.
You don't have to feel like this. And things will change and get better.
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