Considering hiring a carer

[kittyfrickles]

I'm 33 weeks pregnant with crippling SPD which I have crutches for, on and off severe sickness, sciatica, extreme fatigue from anemia (iron supplements really don't help the tiredness).

I live alone and have no one in the area that can help me since I moved up with exOH to be near his family. Moving back isn't an option now. My parents work full time so wouldn't be able to help me if I moved in with them. I had a bad fall this morning getting out of the bath and had to get a taxi to hospital. I struggle cleaning myself because I only have a bath and can't get permission to get a shower unit fitted. Baby was luckily fine but I've been told to go on bed rest because if I over do it I will cause some serious damage of myself that will continue after pregnancy.

I have been considering hiring a private carer to help me with my day to day life until my baby is born. Will it be possible to do so?

[TheoriginalLEM]

I don't see why not - what about a doula? sounds really hard x

[Brummiegirl15]

No helpful advice I'm afraid other than I'm also 33 weeks with SPD and on crutches so I feel your pain.

There are definitely carers out there. Might be worth chatting to your midwife. Is there no way you could go home to your parents? Whilst they work all day, you at least wouldn't be by yourself all the time?

[Junosmum]

Entirely possible. BUT I'd go with a care agency rather than a personal assistant- with a care agency you are buying a service, with a personal assistant you are becoming an employer, which is a hassle (and slow). Alternatively you could call adult social services, they will assess you and provide free services if you are eligible.

[Daffodil328]

Hi Kitty. Really sorry to hear about the severe pregnancy symptoms you are describing. At 33 weeks you have still got some way to go as well. You must be completely fed up and exhausted. It's pretty amazing you have got this far to be honest. I've had tiredness and pregnancy sickness to a lesser degree and have still felt it to be too much at times.
I looked at finances and got a cleaner once a fortnight and took to online shopping and that really helped me out.
Not sure what area you are in but speaking as someone who works in adult social care (apologetically!!!) the service can sometimes be annoyingly slow to react to someone asking for advice or support. In our area it is also means tested so I think it can sometimes feel like you are going through the slow route to get something you are paying for anyway which can be very annoying when you are in need and just need the service in place.
I'd suggest having a good think about where you need the extra pair of hands during the day. E.g. Washing- morning or evening or both? Dressing? Some meal prep? What errands do you need to do during the day? What sort of cleaning would you like done? And is there anything you like doing that you've had to stop since being pregnant to treat yourself? Bit of pampering? Watching a film or going to cinema or local cafe? I feel that you are dealing with a lot in terms of symptoms and need to look after yourself too if it can be done.
Next thing is - what can people around you do to help? It sounds like offers aren't exactly flooding in and people are over estimating how well you are coping.
I've learned to be explicit and shameless. Baby's dad gave vague offer if he could help with anything? Got him to do a food shop and empty bins. Friend asked if I'd like her to pop round for a cup of tea- thanked her and said I'd really like her to clean my bathroom which she did bless her. Felt lonely one day off work, invited friend to watch tv with me and got her to bring snacks drinks and some milk while she was at it. Your parents work full time, could they come up one Saturday and help you out with a few things maybe? Go for it I'd say in terms of asking for lots of support at the moment. Your body is busy making a baby.
Anyway, what can't be covered informally, you can plan with a care agency what they can take on and how many hours per day/per week you'd like them to come and give you a hand. I'd recommend google searching homecare agencies in your area and a few selections should come up. And I'd always ask for the same person although that hasn't quite worked out with my cleaning service.
Anyway all the best and I hope you get the right person/people that you need to give you good and friendly help at the moment. 33 weeks- you are on the home stretch at least and you will get your energy and mobility back once you are no longer carrying your little passenger!!! Xxx

[Daffodil328]

Ooh just had another thought. If hospital have prescribed bed rest for you they should also take on a responsibility for knowing you can have this if they discharge you back home. They might have skimped on this in this case.
If you don't have someone at home with you who can facilitate your bed rest and it is too costly for you to facilitate this with a private carer they should either be facilitating a social services funded carer or keep you admitted in hospital so they can care for you themselves.
If you need to go to hospital again you can insist on having this discussion with them before you agree to your discharge home. They shouldn't put stress on you saying you need bed rest and possible consequences of not having this but then not also working with you to set it up. All the best xx

[Kaytee1987]

I know you probably don't want sympathy but you poor soul, that sounds so hard. I'm so pathetic that I would be crying all the time with pain, you sound like you've been coping extremely well so far considering!
I would definitely get a carer if you can afford it, go with an agency. You would probably be entitled to help through social services too which you could use as a 'top up' if you liked. What a relief it will be for you when you have someone to help.

[Kaytee1987]

Just as an aside I would be tempted to ask ex oh to be chipping in with costs since you're growing his baby. If hes half way decent he will care about your well being.