I'm constantly being told I should be excited and delighted but actually just feel ill, hassled and scared. Pregnancy really took me by surprise in terms of how difficult it is, and now I fear motherhood will be worse.
I I used to be healthy, energetic and in control of myself and now I'm slow, enormous, can't do anything I once enjoyed and I have this constant buzzing of people in my ear telling me what to do, how I should feel, how I will feel, what to buy. I take no joy in "baby things" and have left it to my partner to organise. I won't read the baby books because I find them overwhelming (plus I'm still working and have no time). I don't look at other people's kids and think "I want that", I think "oh Christ"
I sometimes just want to escape from it all (although obviously that can't be done).
I seem to have nothing in common with other pregnant friends or parents, who all project an image of total happiness and fulfillment. I ask them if they ever mourn their old life and they say no, that it seems abstract to them now. I genuinely miss being young, and feeling young.
Its as if being a mother is supposed to define me now and, for me, its just too scary. I like my job, I like the person I used to be, I enjoy reading, learning and travelling. I was always fiercely independent. These traits don't seem to go well with the image of "Ideal Mother".
My own mother gave up her whole self for her kids and ended up broke, frustrated, bored and lonely so I think I'm just terrified of that.
Am I alone in feeling like this? Everyone says I'll be a different person in a month when my baby is born, which I'm supposed to find reassuring but I don't even want to be a different person - I quite like who I am.
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Pregnancy
3rd tri nerves? don't think I'm cut out for being a mother
20 replies
BBLucy1891 · 08/12/2015 14:09
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