Unsubstantiated worry

[AKP79]

I'm 6 weeks pregnant with my second and I can't believe how much I am worrying myself sick over this second pregnancy. I'm 37 and I don't think that helps, my DS is nearly 4 so I feel a lot older than I was the first time round. Everywhere I look I seem to read things about miscarriage and I've got myself in such a tis I've virtually convinced myself that it's going to happen. Is anyone else tormenting themselves like this? My heart goes out to all those ladies who have miscarried and I think what I find so scary is that it is completely outside of your control.

My first pregnancy was fine, but my labour and birth was terrible. My son was born gravely ill and we were told that the following 24 hours were crucial and to prepare ourselves for the worst. Thankfully he survived, but shortly after being discharged from hospital (my DS and I were both ill and in for nearly 3 weeks) my ex left me because he was having an affair. I don't know whether all of these negative experiences are subconsciously exasperating the worry?

[April2013]

Poor you :( glad you are both ok. I had counselling and now under a mental health midwife for anxiety, all very helpful, you should speak to your GP or midwife about it to see what help is available. I so know what you mean about second time round, I had an early scan at 9 weeks for reassurance this time and I find distracting myself with TV and food helps, and thinking positively with baby name research etc occasionally. I think it is a worrying time and you need strategies to take the edge off the worrying. This is a bit random but I found call the midwife reassuring - to see a load of women popping babies out helped me to feel like birth can be normal and routine rather than scary. I also think it is normal even if you wanted a 2nd totally 100% to be slightly petrified whilst the news you are pregnant is sinking in. I'd really recommend an early private scan for reassurance, it helped me to feel positive about it all. I'd had a miscarriage previously so to have a positive scan experience as my last scan experience has really helped to feel like scans are good experiences rather than grim. Perhaps at your booking in appointment you will be able to talk to your midwife about your birth and get advice about how you can get some help to manage your totally understandable worries about it.

[MetalMidget]

"Is anyone else tormenting themselves like this?"

Me! I'm pregnant (I think) with our first, 7 weeks gone. I say "I think", because I'm scared it'll turn out to be a tumour or cancer causing a false positive (although my boobs are tender and I started feeling nauseous today). I'm scared it'll be ectopic. I'm scared I'll miscarry. I'm scared it'll be a stillbirth. I'm scared it'll have Downs Syndrome, or a heart condition.

I think it's partly because we'd been trying for a few years with no luck, and I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and PCOS - I'd mentally braced myself for never having kids. I think it's partly because I know a couple of people who have had problem pregnancies, or who have lost their very young children, and I have a tendency to prepare myself for the worst. I'm hoping I'll be slightly more chilled out when we have the first scan done at 12 weeks, but more likely my bonkersness will kick into overdrive.

I'm guessing that some degree of panic and worry is normal, but the thing is to try not to dwell on it!

[scottishmummy84]

Hi everyone, I'm 15+4 with my first, and basically spent the first trimester preparing myself for the worst, always expecting something to go wrong. I had a bad bleed at 10 weeks, and convinced myself I had a MC, which I hadn't, but the relief of seeing the Wee One on the scan jiggling around was unbelievable, to the point where I burst into tears. I'd recommend an early scan if you can, to ease your anxiety. I'm also a mental health nurse, so realised that although these anxieties are normal to an extent, they also aren't good for you, and you have to try to get a handle on them for your own health, as well as baby's. I'm a great believer in taking things one day at a time, and not anticipating what may or may not be. I mean, what's the point? Just know that you have the strength to get through it, no matter what.

As I said, one day at a time, today was a good day, you nurtured your baby and nothing bad happened, pretty soon those good days stack up, then weeks go by. I'm using this pregnancy as an excuse to take it easy, put my feet up as much as possible and relax.

Negative experiences will always stay with you for life, but they also teach you something about yourself, you are strong, you are resilient, that is how they should define you, not by casting a shadow over you.

Besides, a little (manageable) anxiety shows you are a good Mum right? But if you can't get out of the hole, speak to your midwife, even just to get a regular dose of reassurance.

[ayria]

I'm pregnant with my second. I never thought I would be after my son's birth. I ended up with birth trauma and never got help until he was 3. It was a dark time I think after his birth. Looking after him was the only thing that kept me going and I managed to block it out. I didn't think he was alive after he was born and think it effected me more than I thought it did. I'm having therapy now though to come to terms with it.
As I was going through the recovery this year, I cried to my bf that 'maybe I'm not meant to have another baby because it will actually [wont be alive] this time that's why I've got PTSD to stop me' - he told me I was being stupid obviously. I was a wreck for weeks!

Now I'm pregnant and my son is 3. I had some bleeds and a more concerning heavy bleed, made me cry, panic, it worried me, it just looked a lot. I thought I was MC'ing. Getting pregnant is a big deal for me because of my previous trauma, but when I started to bleed I cried thinking I could actually lose this baby. I've been to the docs and he said to wait a couple weeks before going to the EPU. So before that scan I don't think it will sink in, or I wont allow it to sink in. But then I think I will be preparing myself for the worst until I see a heartbeat.

I had a horrible flashback a few weeks ago to my son's birth. The heavy smell of blood smothered me and all I could see was his blue, limp body. It lasted about 2 seconds and was sudden. Really quick. Scary. It shook me for a couple days. I was only laying in bed. I think it's all just stuck in my head though. Come to think of it I was pregnant then (only found out wed)

I realise my post sounds a bit down... didn't meant to be, but I just have that association in my head with pregnancy and birth now.