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Reactions to Gender

(8 Posts)
brookeberry Wed 02-Dec-15 14:35:01

Hi all, I had my 20 week scan yesterday and I was delighted and very relieved that everything seems to be okay. We weren't going to find out the sex because I like surprises, but we couldn't resist and found out we are having a little boy smile.

I'm 42 and this is my first DC after recurrent mcs. I think it's been a surprise for everyone. When I told some close friends and family yesterday, I thought I felt a sense of disappointment. One friend actually said 'oh, I always saw you with a girl' and it's played on my mind.

Has anyone else had this kind of experience? Do people see girls and boys so very differently?

Everythinggettingbigger Wed 02-Dec-15 14:45:18

unfortunately, yes I think they do. I'm 26 and (15 weeks) pg with my 2nd, my first is a DS, yes it would be lovely to have a little girl but at the same time I am also going to be very happy with a little boy but I seem to be getting so many comments about this one being a girl everyone is convinced including my DS (5) that im actually starting to get worried about everyones reaction if its actually a boy! I am secretly starting to feel the same actually worried about my own reaction if they tell me its a boy, I feel like i've been brainwashed by everyone else which is stupid because as long as its healthy I am happy. We have a private scan in 2 weeks time to find out to surprise family on Christmas day....hopefully the surprise (if it is a boy) will overshadow what it actually is!

Everyone was relieved my DS was a boy when I found out as I actually found out 4 weeks after my niece was stillborn. At the time that annoyed which shouldn't have, (however I never said anything) but I just feel this time the gender is being the biggest concern for people again rather than the health!

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal Wed 02-Dec-15 15:15:16

Sorry, I have to do it - it's a pet hate.

It's the SEX of the baby. Not the GENDER.


To be honest, I see a few threads about this where people are convinced that boys are the "lesser wanted" of sexes. I have to say that it comes across as quite precious in my eyes, when you consider the unquestionably overwhelming preferential treatment that society gives to men overall.

Your friend's comment doesn't sound weird to me at all to be honest - especially if she really had a hunch you were going to have a girl. It's natural to be "disappointed" if your instinct/guess/gut reaction was wrong.

For what it's worth, I'm pregnant with a boy. People have actually been quite explicit that they are "glad" it is a boy hmm. I've given them the benefit of the doubt in assuming that most of their friends have daughters, so a boy is something "new".

April2013 Wed 02-Dec-15 15:23:06

I had the same too, it is strange, but I think your little boy will make them realise they were wrong as soon as they meet him smile congratulations!

romanrainsalot Wed 02-Dec-15 15:32:51

Congratulations. Your friend is disappointed as she had a hunch (doesn't everyone when you announce you're expecting???? how annoying).

TBH, just forget about what people think about whether its a boy or girl, it doesn't really matter. FWIW when I was expecting, the IL's hoped for a boy, as MIL had only ever had boys and "didn't know what to do with girls" - I know hmm . They had these bizarre ideas that all girls were pink and girly. I began to feel sorry for growing bump if it had been a girl, to write her off and make assumptions. Surely that's the excitement - seeing a new baby grow up and what they become - pink and girly or not.

MockTheWeek Wed 02-Dec-15 15:55:09

That's why I didn't find out as everyone I spoke to seemed to want me to have a girl. There have been no girls on DPs side for years whereas my side are all girls and my mum especially "doesn't do baby boys". I figured that if it turned out to be a boy, they couldn't be disappointed now that baby is here IYSWIM. It turned out to be a girl in the end anyway but still happy I didn't find out and wouldn't next time either.

AmyLouKin Wed 02-Dec-15 16:13:47

Lots of people have told me they think mine is a boy! I really don't care either way and haven't found out! It's a baby and will be loved.
People do have some funny ideas don't they! Luckily my family and friends will be happy with either too (apart from my 4yr old nephew who has told me he wants a boy!) and would never make me feel like you OP! It's very unfair for them to let you know they are dissapointed in the sex of your baby.
I do think people like guessing though and I don't mind them doing that in my case!

5hell Wed 02-Dec-15 17:18:09

We found out we're having a boy, but havn't told anyone we know (they think we dont know) - it's nice having a little secret between me and DH again (like way back before anyone else knew I was pg)

generally people dont think that much about what they say and how they say it, and so can be unintentionally offenisve/hurtful/thoughtless.

forget it, enjoy your pregnancy and you little boy
congratulations!! smile

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