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first time at 40 - lots of worries

(13 Posts)
katscriv1 Sun 29-Nov-15 11:26:41

After being told for over 20 years I would never have a baby, am now 11 weeks with scan next week. So terrified! Despite galloping morning sickness I panic it's in my head, that the baby will not be healthy at all, that I will lose it. I have given up smoking, drinking, nearly all caffeine, try to eat well as far as the sickness will allow but dreading the scan in case it's bad news. Is this normal?

yeOldeTrout Sun 29-Nov-15 11:35:53

You mean, is becoming a parent frought with guilt & worry?

Did you really need to ask? wink
I can't promise anything but (X my fingers) odds are high that all will go well. Hang in there.

yeOldeTrout Sun 29-Nov-15 11:36:06

ps: why were you told you couldn't ever conceive?

katscriv1 Sun 29-Nov-15 11:48:44

I have bad endometriosis. I am so over the moon, and lucky in the most supportive boyf, just I never realised it was possible to be this scared, or to love so much this soon.

TinyMonkey Sun 29-Nov-15 12:05:09

Congratulations! It's scary whatever age you are I think tbh. I conceived at 40 (actually on my birthday we think) and I remained in shocked disbelief for the entire nine months! I'd had a mmc the year before as well, so was very pessimistic about it all working out. However, it did, and my daughter will be 1 this week. Going to start trying for another in the new year (must be mad, it is pretty knackering, I can't lie).

In fact, my midwives thought I was being slightly ridiculous when I mentioned being old, lots of 40-something new mums where I live.

brookeberry Sun 29-Nov-15 12:19:30

Totally normal katscriv! I'm 42 and 20 weeks with my first. My 20 week scan is on Tuesday and I'm really nervous - just like I was with my 12 week scan. I've have 3 mcs and a failed ivf and thought that that was that and just when I'd given up . . . . .

We have a thread for the over 40s if you want to come aand join us smile

Massive congratulations. Everyone gets scared, no matter what their age or history. Mumsnet is a great place for reassurance - it's got me through some sticky moments!!

IslaMann Sun 29-Nov-15 12:34:49

I'm 44 and 30+3. Like you I was told 15 years ago that I wouldn't be able to have another baby (DS is 19). I have worried every day about my baby. It's totally normal. I found it got worse just before a scan - it's called scanxiety! I won't lie, being pregnant in your 40s is bloody hard work both physically and mentally, so be kind to yourself. Rest when you need to and don't force yourself. Like a pp, my midwife laughed when I described myself as a geriatric mum, as it's no longer unusual for pregnancy to occur in your 40s. Good luck and congratulations!

Brummiegirl15 Sun 29-Nov-15 12:55:03

I'm 39 and 31 weeks and I'm terrified all the time too! Congratulations!

VocationalGoat Sun 29-Nov-15 13:07:21

I had DC2 at 38 and DC3 at 42.
Pregnancy comes with risk at any age.
Being older is a bit more nerve wracking because of the age related risks that we are reminded of. You're nearly at the 12 week mark and risk of miscarriage drops significantly at this point. Once you get through the anomoly scan at 20 weeks I guarantee you'll really enjoy pregnancy.

Pregnancy over 40 is so common now. So try not go feel alone in a 'high risk group' of older mums because I know it can feel that way. You can feel a bit alien because of being 'older' but try not to! There are SO many of us older mums out there and that's proof in itself that pregnancy at 40> is very successful. For the record, DC3 was my easiest pregnancy and such a beautiful, uncomplicated delivery. I was 29 with DC1 and physically I felt no different at 42 than I did at 29 with DC1. I was exhausted at 29 with my baby and I am exhausted now at 43, but that's just having kids more than being over 40. grin
Congratulations!! Enjoy your pregnancy and know in your heart of hearts that everything will really be fine.
Even better, your endometriosis will improve greatly. This tends to happen too!flowers

VocationalGoat Sun 29-Nov-15 13:10:09

IslaMann I like scanxiety! So true!

I have elderly written in my notes. grin

VocationalGoat Sun 29-Nov-15 13:12:20

Anomaly scan sorry! I always misspell it anomoly! blush 43 and illiterate. Now that's a worry!

katscriv1 Sun 29-Nov-15 14:31:07

Ladies - thank you so, so much. All my chums with kids had them yonks ago, and since I haven't had the 12 week scan (loving the term scanxiety) am limited in who can tell. Feeling much better and lesz alone. Xxxx

katscriv1 Wed 02-Dec-15 08:21:56

Just wanted to say a huge thank you again to the ladies on here. Had scan yesterday (apparently am 13 weeks not 12) and pending confirmation from blood test results nuchal scan put us in low risk. Thank you for being so supportive xxx

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