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Mixed feelings! Please offer advice...

(19 Posts)
Pregasaurusrex Fri 27-Nov-15 12:48:39

I am feeling really overwhelmed and unhappy during this much wanted pregnancy. Have been signed of work, due to sickness and am feeling guilty about that. I was so lucky to fall pregnant first time, but now all I do is cry. Or sleep. Or work. I have no friends that are pregnant or even any with other children. Do you ladies have any advice about how I can not sit in a heap for the next seven and a half months?

kamillaw Fri 27-Nov-15 12:53:44

How mAny weeks are you? I would join a forum/birth club online and if you can some kind of yoga class or something. I was the first of my friends to have a baby and being the only one is hard! I joined a forum and was so grateful for that!

SallyStarbuck Fri 27-Nov-15 12:55:41

I remember that vividly. It's horrible, isn't it, because you think you should be happy about things but you're not, you're miserable. I felt the same - I went to work, I didn't really eat, I threw up, I came home, I threw up, I had a nap, I tried to eat something, I threw up, I went to bed, and that was my day. No socialising, nothing fun, just tiredness and sickness and struggling through.

Basically, I'm just saying it's ok to feel like this. You're awash with hormones, you're exhausted, you're bored, and you're probably lonely too.

It does get better, I promise it does. Gradually you start to feel a little better, a little less sick, a little less exhausted.

It feels like forever when you're stuck in it but it will be a short (well, relatively, in your life) period. Can you get some new books, box sets, craft things to do? Also, I found being quite honest with my friends about how rubbish I was feeling and asking if someone could just pop around one evening for some in-house socialising helped - especially once they came around and watched me run off three times to be sick grin

I did find that in the third trimester, when other people were feeling rubbish, that I was bouncing along as anything was better than being sick all the time!

It is horrible. But it is also ok to feel like this. Loads of women don't enjoy pregnancy and that's nothing to feel bad about. You don't have to love it just because you want to have a baby.

Just wallow. Don't do anything you don't want to do. Don't try and soldier on. It will get better gradually, I promise.

AnotherEmma Fri 27-Nov-15 13:00:11

You might have prenatal depression - could you talk to your doctor or midwife about how you're feeling?

It may be enough to join an NCT or pregnancy yoga class, which would help you to make friends and get some support, but you might need a bit of extra help and that's ok.

Are you going out every day? Doing light exercise? Eating healthily? Do you have a DP and if so is he supportive?

Pregasaurusrex Fri 27-Nov-15 13:00:57

Thank you for your kind replies. I'm only eight weeks, so there is added MC worry aswell. I tried to reach out to a friend last night- but instead ( feeling over sensitive I should imagine) I got really upset when she just started telling me about a women she knew who had a mc. I should point out, that she is the only person besides family who knows I am pregnant. I just feel a failure. I can't do my job ( am a teacher), I'm useless at being pregnant and now I've been signed of I feel guilty for being a skiver! Have been trying to exercise, but feel so rubbish it's not helping. Most of all, I hate this woe is me attitude I seem to have developed!

Pregasaurusrex Fri 27-Nov-15 13:01:55

And yes have a DH who is totally lovely and supportive. But I just feel like I have no life now! Does anyone know if I have to be a certain amount pregnant to join the NCT yoga?

londonrach Fri 27-Nov-15 13:05:27

Op. I have just found out i am pregnant (i might be wrong with the missing af and two pregnancy tests as i have no other signs) and today im feeling tearful (in fact very tearful) which is totally not me. Dont feel guilty as others have said you are full of hormones. Just wanted to say you not alone in a very clumpsy way, sorry. Thank you for starting this im going to follow what sally has suggested and make some felt xmas owls ive been meaning to do and put some xmas movie on if i can that without crying. Hugs op xxx

AnotherEmma Fri 27-Nov-15 13:07:12

You're not a failure.
You're not useless at being pregnant.
You're not a skiver.

Lots of negative thinking which makes me wonder if you might be depressed (takes one to know one!)

Your friend was insensitive but maybe she didn't realise you're worried about miscarriage? Could you just tell her that you are?

Pregasaurusrex Fri 27-Nov-15 13:10:17

Christmas movies sound great. I was very tearful when I first found out- and it did pass and get better. If you see what I mean, I am better now then I was. Have always had really bad PMT and that is exactly how I feel- all the time. Except my body doesn't feel like my own. It's so hard to not feel guilty not being at work. Think a dog walk up a big hill might do me some good. How do you feel about being pregnant londonrach?

Pregasaurusrex Fri 27-Nov-15 13:13:30

I think she would know- being as she had one herself? She is uberly competitive with me and I think is struggling to adjust to the news. I only told her because she hounded me! There is lots of negative thinking- you are right. I'm not sure I would feel comfortable about taking anything for depression. I'm also not sure, what other alternatives there are!

AnotherEmma Fri 27-Nov-15 13:15:11

There are lots of alternatives to anti-depressants. Counselling, CBT, mindfulness.

And she doesn't sound like a good friend. Is there anyone more supportive and sensitive you could reach out to?

londonrach Fri 27-Nov-15 13:17:08

Excited, frightened (ill miscarriage as its taken years to get here, frightened im not pregnant and its all a mistake), worried i have no symptoms, alone as i know no one is pregnant although dsis been amazing texting saying its normal, feels unreal, over the moon and found myself looking at baby clothes today, not hungry at all and i dont feel sick again worried its because im not pregnant. Im 4 weeks so very early. Enjoy your dog walk and if you care to join me later on channel 5 i know they running xmas movies which cant fail to chear you up

Pregasaurusrex Fri 27-Nov-15 13:21:57

I think your right- she's not a good friend and I might feel better without her involvement. Shame because we used to be good friends. I'm hoping to find some good pregnant friends as soon as I can attend NCT yoga etc. Maybe when it's out in the open, I can start seeing people again without lying to them!

Pregasaurusrex Fri 27-Nov-15 13:23:23

Londonrach- I'm sure your hormones will be contributing to all that! Can you book a GP appointment, where they can blood test to confirm?

londonrach Fri 27-Nov-15 13:23:35

Agree your friend isnt a real friend prega. Xxx

AnotherEmma Fri 27-Nov-15 13:27:13

"Maybe when it's out in the open, I can start seeing people again without lying to them!"

Is there something holding you back in terms of telling people? I don't mean making a public announcement, just telling one or two close friends - the ones who would be supportive. If the worst happens and you have a miscarriage it might actually be nice for a good friend to know so they can support you.

Pregasaurusrex Fri 27-Nov-15 13:31:14

I just feel like it's still so very early. And I would hate for everyone to get excited and then have to untell them. I also am a naturally private person - and hate people knowing my business. I'm painting a bad picture of myself- am a very sociable, fun and happy person normally. Which makes this doom and gloom more significant!

AnotherEmma Fri 27-Nov-15 13:36:47

It's not bad to be a private person. Or even to be feeling antisocial and unhappy atm. But I do wonder if you might feel better for telling a good friend. It must be so difficult to be hormonal, ill, signed off work, anxious and depressed, and not even able to talk to a good friend about how you're feeling. Having a coffee and a chat with a good friend might be just what you need.

Pregasaurusrex Fri 27-Nov-15 13:42:39

Hmm I think it might be. Thank you so much for all you support and advice. Am out to brave the rain!

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