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Grandparent dread!

(15 Posts)
teamrigby Thu 26-Nov-15 16:13:12

Are any of you worried about dealing with over enthusiastic and interfering grandparents? I'm already fed up!

Baby will be first grandchild for my parents and all through my pregnancy (now 37+2) they have literally been saying we'll do this and we can babysit all the time... we can take you to the hospital when you go into labour - err no, it will be just me and OH!

Its driving me up the wall already so don't know how I'll be once baby is here.

Anyone else going through this??

thinkfast Thu 26-Nov-15 16:38:56

Don't knock it too soon. They just sound enthusiastic to me and once you have the baby unless they have very different views/styles to you, I'd be grateful for any help you can get. Especially if it gives you time to sleep...

MrsCrimshaw Thu 26-Nov-15 16:44:06

Lol this baby is the first grandchild for both sets of grandparents, and mine and OH's siblings are 1) unable to conceive and 2) gay - plus single. Hence there are a lot of people very interested in our baby! My mum said last week that my Grandma and Grandad spent the first 3 weeks living with her and my dad (my dad was back at work). I told them they can visit as much as they like (they live about 100 miles away), but they are not staying for 3 weeks!!

I keep telling myself to be grateful this baby is so wanted, and going to be so loved smile

strawberryandaflake Thu 26-Nov-15 16:45:37

My parents are moving country to retire the day after I am being induced. I would have loved some help. They might be better than you think x

OhPuddleducks Thu 26-Nov-15 16:45:44

I had massive grandparent dread (on the in law side) throughout my pregnancy. The reality of it was nowhere near what I was imagining (or the hell they were describing). The reality was that DD wanted me most of the time and wouldn't be appeased by them. Add to this the fact that fil didn't like to be in the room when I breastfed (which was all the blinking time) and they were nowhere near as involved as they described. By the time she was older I was more confident in laying down the parenting law and was just honest and firm with them, eg "it's kind of you offer to babysit, but we're knackered and don't want to go out right now". When I finally stopped making excuses and said to mil that I just didn't really like leaving DD she suddenly seemed to remember that she had felt that way about her kids too and that was the end of that!

I might nip the hospital thing in the bud though if you don't want them there.....

Givinguph0pe Thu 26-Nov-15 17:24:42

My mil is awful. She's ridiculous over babies. I think it's cos she can do what she wants and they can't protest. She loses interest a bit when they hit about two.

She reckons she's having this baby two days a week from when it's born and it'll be better if I don't feed the baby myself as that'll make it more difficult for her.
She was a strong component in my PND last time and I fear it's going to be the same again. I didn't feel my baby was mine and shed just sweep in and announce what she was doing and I didn't feel I had any choice.
Yeah. Really looking forward to it.

Loki17 Thu 26-Nov-15 17:25:02

In my experience, you have to set your boundaries as things become an issue. My ils are overbearing and hard work, but also lovely grandparents. I tend to tackle each little thing as it comes up. For example, when dd was a toddler and would do something naughty or throw a tantrum and mil would leap in and try and stop me from (very gently) disciplining her, I'd say 'stop it grandma you are undermining mummy' and take dd to a different room. Sometimes mil would try and challenge me and I'd just say 'I'm the parent, let me parent'. I always kept it polite and friendly and, eventually, they have learned to back off. When they brought up having dd overnight or babysitting I just said no thank you in the early days. As she got older my feelings about her staying over changed and I felt more relaxed with it. They have had her once or twice since she was about 18 months old and now she is 4 so they are welcome to have her whenever but they rarely offer which is fine with me.

kelper Thu 26-Nov-15 17:27:05

Don't tell them you've gone into labour ;)
I went into hospital at 1am with ds and we didn't ring anyone til lunchtime when he was born it took my parents a whole week to come and meet him but that's a whole other thread

DreamingOfThruxtons Thu 26-Nov-15 17:40:55

I wish my parents had shown half the interest in any of their grandchildren that yours are showing: I'm sure it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm so jealous of the people around me who have really involved grandparents. Set boundaries, but do bear in mind that they'll probably calm down anyway in time; the OH's parents never thought they'd have any at all. They broke speed limits getting to the hospital from 200 miles away!

However- now I'm having another one, DMIL actually said on a Skype call yesterday (while 4 year old daughter in the room!), "He needs to go for a vasectomy now". Awkward.

MrsCrimshaw Thu 26-Nov-15 18:45:20

My PILs have already been banned from babysitting by my OH (thankfully I missed that conversation). MIL has osteoporosis and poor hips so can't carry a baby safely, especially not up and down stairs, and PIL just wouldn't anyway.

imwithspud Thu 26-Nov-15 19:24:43

I understand. My dm was cringeworthy with dd1. During my induction she turned up on the ward at gone 10pm. She was apparently texting me, but I was strapped to a monitor for a while and my phone was out of reach. I get that she was worried, but the midwives were pee'd off and they thought I had rung her to come in so they were quite patronising towards me when telling me about visiting timeshmm I didn't particularly want her there myself! She only stayed for 5minutes before they told Her she had to leave but the mortification has stayed with me.

She then turned up the next day when I was actually in labour, I didn't have the heart to turn her away but I didn't let her In until my epidural had kicked in. I wanted it to be just me and dp and I'm sure I had mentioned that to her a few weeks prior. I have no idea why she just turned up like that, I would never do something like that with my dd's, but fortunately since then she's been okay.

sepa Thu 26-Nov-15 19:40:06

I love that my mumma is as excited for this baby as me and Oh are. I'm very close to my mum and very bad relationship with my dad so I think this clouds my judgement a bit grin

Rpj16 Thu 26-Nov-15 23:40:55

OP I feel exactly the same, hope you dealing with it OK, just say 'its just going to be me and dh, but if something goes wrong I will want you there or something along those lines.

ohpuddleducks really good answer to people asking to babysit, I will remember that one smile

DimlowChips Fri 27-Nov-15 09:38:47

I've got one set of each! My DPs haven't even contacted me through my pregnancy to see how I'm getting on etc and certainly haven't made any noises about anything after the birth. My PILs however have been very excited. They have GCs and even a greatGC (that's another story) but they are so excited for DP and I that it feels like this is their first.

I've been firm from the start and have said that anything they buy will stay at their house as I've got what I want for DC1. They've mentioned babysitting when I go back to work and DH has said that they can have DC one day a week but no more than that. He's been honest and said that we refuse to be a burden to them, as they don't have much money and aren't as young as they were. They don't like it but haven't got much choice have they?!

It is nice to know who cares I think grin

Featherstep Sun 29-Nov-15 22:26:56

I'm a bit stressed about my mum. She brought us up on formula and now enthusiastically talks about how she can help me feed and teach me how to bottle feed the baby. I don't think she will understand the process of me trying to breastfeed i.e. leaving me alone to establish the process, giving me private time, not hovering around worried I will starve the baby etc.

My parents are both coming to stay with us from overseas, and planning to do so too before the birth. I understand they are keen to be there for me but really need to think hard whether their company is going to stress me out or useful to have.

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