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Can someone please reassure me that I'm not just being a twat?

(10 Posts)
shivermytimbers Mon 23-Nov-15 18:13:14

I am very newly pregnant and will be high risk due to a chronic health condition. Before ttc me and my husband talked at length with the specialist about the risks involved and after much soul searching we decided to go for it.
I've just come home from seeing the specialist and telling him our good news. His response was to say that if my condition gets worse as a result, I will need "shaking for being so silly".
I am obviously feeling apprehensive anyway and concerned about what will happen over the coming months but this makes me feel like if things go wrong, it's only what I deserve.
So, mumsnet people, who's being a twat? Me or the consultant?

Gazelda Mon 23-Nov-15 18:14:49

Bloody hell! I don't think its you being the twat .....
Congratulations, I hope you have a wonderful healthy pregnancy.

cansu Mon 23-Nov-15 18:15:35

The specialist should not have said this. It is not their decision to make. Having said that, they may well have your best interests at her and be very worried about you.

3littlebadgers Mon 23-Nov-15 18:17:17

Congratulations on your pregnancy flowers I am keeping my fingers crossed for a really boring 9 months smile.

TrinityForce Mon 23-Nov-15 18:17:51

The specialist said that?

You'll need shaking for being so silly [to get pregnant]?

Are you usually close/friendly with this specialist? It seems ridiculously rude to say so if not in jest!

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP, I hope all goes well for you and little one!

madsaz76 Mon 23-Nov-15 22:25:10

Evening all. I am a doctor and at times I have thought this - in my own head. The drive to get pregnant for some women seems to overrule sense so i can think of women told absolutely not to get pregnant who do.

However I can't imagine being such a pillock with someone once the deed is done - whatever my thoughts and fears it's my job to keep them to myself and do my best to keep you safe and well managed.

It's rare for someone to go away and make a decision without having a bloody good think therefore it isn't my job to judge or patronise. I can also think of women we told not to who did and had good outcomes. My own mum was told to abort me on health grounds so I can hardly talk!

Good luck wih the pregnancy. I am sure you plan to do everything in your power to keep you and baby safe and well xx

Pagetta Tue 24-Nov-15 15:17:15

definitely the consultant being a twat! Congratulations!
I have had a very serious eye infection this year and am on steroid drops. The consultant told me in later summer i should wait a month or two to get pregnant, so i did (well, a month, not two). The ophthalmologist i saw at my next appt. was SO lovely, big congratulations, spoke to O&G about the safety of the eye drops, wrote me a lovely letter about it all, reassuring me etc.
Saw the consultant last week, he asked how i was so i said 'well, pregnant' to which he said 'yes i heard' - tutted and rolled his eyes.
Brilliant.
I've spoke to doctor friends about topical steroid risk, I looked into the effects on my eyes of coming off them early etc - and i also figured it may take me a while to get pregnant - it didn't (which is great) but then to get that reaction from the consultant was SO rude i thought! As madsaz says, a dcotor should support you in your choices and keep you safe.
Best of luck to you in your pregnancy hun, and if your consultant continues to be unsupportive please request a change, both for physical and emotional well being xx

ChicaMomma Tue 24-Nov-15 15:32:26

What an ass. Ignore him. He's the one that needs 'shaking'.
Massive congrats to you smile

In some instances, and obviously i'm not privy to what your condition is, the immune system runs doubly well during pregnancy- it seems to go one way or another for people- hopefully it'll go well for you.

meganellicott Tue 24-Nov-15 17:32:37

Ugh, he's a twat...an unprofessional, unthoughtful, patronising one. While doctors are required to have a certain level of intelligence to qualify, unfortunately some lack the desired level of social intelligence...
Congratulations hun, I second 3littlebadgers wish for a boring 9 months for you!

shivermytimbers Wed 25-Nov-15 17:35:04

Thanks all. I was really upset after the appointment but now I'm just annoyed at how unprofessional he was. I've never been told "don't get pregnant" just had advice about potential risks - which are serious enough to warrant me to think again (and again and again several times). DH and I spent lots of time considering the risks and eventually decided that we would really like to try. I don't expect everyone to agree with the decision, but I do expect to be treated with the same respect that anyone deserves and would like to be able to access information and support that will help keep me and the little bean as safe as possible without obvious judgement.
I think in the next appointment I'm going to bring DH for back up if I end up being pathetic and weepy blush

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