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I'm a mum of 2 boys and....

(32 Posts)
dontaskdonttell Fri 20-Nov-15 10:45:11

I'm a mum of 2 boys. They are wonderful in every single way and I feel honoured to be their mum.

I'm 16 weeks pregnant with dc3, we're very excited and I'm so looking forward to baby arriving in May. We've decided not to find out the sex of the baby, we'd like a "surprise"'at the birth.

But I am sick to death of the comments we're getting. People assume we're having a third baby because we want a girl this time. People aren't even saying congratulations, just immediately say "hoping for a girl this time?". I'd love a little girl, I'd love another boy. I genuinely don't have a preference and it's not something I can control anyway.

Why do people do this? It's not appropriate!! My baby is wanted, loved and we don't give 2 shits what sex it is!!

Has anyone else had this? How do you respond?? Whatever happened to just saying "what wonderful news congratulations"???

Natalieday1 Fri 20-Nov-15 10:48:52

I have 3 boys and am 34 weeks pregnant with my 4th, found out that it's a little girl we r having, but I had exact same thing before I knew and it really bugged me! My baby will be just as loved regardless of whether she was male or female!
In fact think I even put a rant up on here at one point as it got to me that much, think people r so insensitive and don't think before they talk that's the problem,
I just explained to whoever said it that I would be delighted whether it was a boy or girl and that the sex of the baby wasn't important to me but the health of my baby was..
Try not to let it get to u, although I know it'd difficult
Congratulations by the way smile

Placeinthesun Fri 20-Nov-15 10:49:43

Nothing useful to add but I have 3 boys and when I had newborn Dt's and 2yr old DS1 I had so many people say "Oooh are you going to be trying for a girl next".... I had to residue the urge to reply with either "I'd prefer a kitten actually" or "I am too mindblowingly tired to ever contemplate dtd again". Grrr. Sympathies.

Placeinthesun Fri 20-Nov-15 10:50:40

×residue?.... Should be "resist".

Wildernessrock Fri 20-Nov-15 10:54:46

I think most people don't think like you- so they are projecting their feelings onto you. I personally really wanted a girl after having a boy and most of my friends/ family felt similarly. So I don't think it's unusual to want one of each sex ( or to have a preference for a girl).

BUT it is very rude to verbalise this unless they knew your thoughts! They are probably just making small chat though so just smile and roll your eyes!

dontaskdonttell Fri 20-Nov-15 10:55:20

Natalie - congrats on baby girl! I'm glad you can relate. I'd love the experience of parenting a girl, but I'd never be disappointed if I have another boy!!

Placeinthesun - you must have had your hands FULL!!! I've got small age gaps here, oldest will have just turn 3, ds2 will be 3 months off turning 2, so I'll have 3, 3 and under!
I was thinking of responding with we're hoping for a kitten!!! (But our littlest cat has just gone missing so might say puppy!!)

RoTo72 Fri 20-Nov-15 11:01:54

Ds is 15yr old now. I'm 43, this pregnancy was a surprise. When I found out I thought, oh a girl world be lovely. Iv since had v light spotting and cramping. I'm 7 weeks 4 days. Now all I'm praying for is a healthy baby, which is already loved.. Going for scan Monday, wish me luck.

Natalieday1 Fri 20-Nov-15 11:16:27

Thank u I'm delighted but would have been just as delighted if it had been a boy! Wish u all the best! And I'm sure no matter what the sex is ur little bundle of joy will be perfect smile xx

dontaskdonttell Fri 20-Nov-15 11:24:10

Roto - wishing you luck, let us know how you get on. It's a scary time the first 12 weeks and I had a rocky time with this pregnancy so I can relate.

Sending love and strength

Jelly101 Fri 20-Nov-15 11:30:56

I have a DS, I'm also pregnant with my second which we found out was a boy yesterday. My Partners sister has one son and is pregnant with a little girl. I'm sick of getting comments from my partners family saying things like 'oh well, maybe your next one will be a girl'.

Also whenever we're together everyone wants to talk about DPs sisters baby and how they can't wait to buy dresses etc. My baby never gets a mention. It's almost as if my child isn't as important because it's a boy, and it makes me feel like shit tbh.

Oh, and a few months after I had DS several friends/family asked if we'd like another, I said yes, and they said can you make it a girl next time? angry

TeamSteady Fri 20-Nov-15 11:34:52

I am pregnant with DC3 and this time we want a surprise. I genuinely don't mind what we have- ideally not a kitten tho! grin

It's funny as i was keen for ds2 to be a girl whilst pg, but didn't give two hoots when he was here!

I am nearly 11 weeks so will be telling people soon and am sure we will get comments re a girl. Would love some suggestions for replies. Otherwise i am just going to have to resort to the death stare.

LizKeen Fri 20-Nov-15 11:41:52

I have two DDs and we are TTC #3. I am dreading this. I have a family member who was openly trying for a boy after two girls, and I think they will all think we are the same, but we aren't. Having a boy would be lovely, but having another girl would be great as the two we have get on so well, a third would just slot in (hopefully).

We really don't care either way, as there are pros and cons for both, and in the end we wanted a third child to love unconditionally, the same way we do with the DDs.

I really don't want to have to deal with the comments, but I know they will happen. sad

Micah Fri 20-Nov-15 11:43:16

I think it's part of this increasing gender divide we seem to be getting.

You must want a girl to go shopping with and paint your nails with. Your DH wants a boy to play footie and go down the pub with.

If babies were viewed as individuals, rather than their identity, likes and dislikes being directly related to their sex organs, maybe people wouldn't be obsessed with wanting a girl to dress in pretty clothes.

foragogo Fri 20-Nov-15 11:53:07

This used to happen to me when i was pg with dc3 with 2 boys. Like you, and having experienced pg loss, I wantef a third child, not a boy or a girl. However, having 2 gorgeous adorable boys I had a preference for another boy. So i just used to head all the "oh you must really want a girl' nonsense off at the pass by saying " yes im pregnant and we're really hoping for another boy, as long as its a healthy baby". Also we always found out early sonfor a lot of people i could tell them that I was pg and how pleased we were to be having three boys, now that all was looking good with the pg, at the same time, so i didnt have to listen to much of the you must be desperate for a girl crap.

notfromstepford Fri 20-Nov-15 12:01:58

I have 1 DS and an currently 21 wks pregnanct with DS2. We really didn't care if it was a boy or a girl, just thrilled that we were blessed with a 2nd pregnancy when the 1st was so hard. I am getting no end of comments saying - I suppose you'll be trying for a girl next. Errr - that'll be a no.

ChicaMomma Fri 20-Nov-15 12:19:05

totally empthaise- am pregnant with DS2 and although we've only told my mum it's another boy, everyone else is saying ''oh i bet you're really hoping for a girl this time''... being honest, yes we were, but like you say, i'll be honoured to have 2 boys too. People are so RUDE and THICK.

I think i'd almost be afraid to go for a third, the pressure to have 'the girl' would be way too much!!!!!!!! PLus i tried EVERY TRICK in the book to have 'the' girl this time, didnt work! (sex 4 days before ovulation, high calcium diet, etc etc etc...)

dontaskdonttell Fri 20-Nov-15 15:38:08

It seems that lots of people experience this!! People with either sex, it's not just boys. It's so frustrating because I'd never dream of saying anything like that to a person.

I think just being blunt and honest is the best way, saying, actually what we're really hoping for is a healthy baby!!

I have a friend who has a girl and a boy and is pregnant with their third child and people keep saying to her "why? You already have one of both", so I think people say daft things in all situations but it just annoys me so much!!

Threeboysandus Fri 20-Nov-15 15:50:47

I've three boys and hear is at least once a week. I know people don't mean harm but I never know what to say!

Raxacoricofallapatorius Fri 20-Nov-15 16:02:39

I think people just struggle to fill the silence and go for the most common/likely/obvious phrase.

I genuinely think people mean well and if they stopped to think about it, they'd realise they were spouting nonsense. We all do it. I find myself commenting on the weather and saying such trite, banal shite as "you look like you've got your hands full" or "I don't know where he gets his energy from" and it's meaningless drivel which falls out of my mouth almost unbidden. I mean very little of it. I'm just passing the time, trying to show I'm interested in conversing with the other person and relying massively on conversational convention.

I think it's best to just assume people mean well, smile broadly and tell them you don't mind what you're having.

The odd wazzock has some funny ideas but I think they're in the minority.

goodnightdarthvader1 Fri 20-Nov-15 16:43:07

People say incredibly dumb things to pregnant women. When I told my neighbour (who I'm not that emotionally close to) that I was expecting, her response was to ask "Are you pleased?"

I'm 32, married, in a stable home environment. I know that doesn't ALWAYS mean I'd be happy (if I wanted to be childfree), but why on earth would you ask that??

Daisymaybe60 Fri 20-Nov-15 18:27:59

People can be very thoughtless, and this doesn't necessarily mean that they intend to be rude. I had three DC under 4, and had the full gamut of similar comments when expecting, as it turned out, DS, after my two girls. My advice would be just to grit your teeth and keep smiling, saying that you don't care what you have as long as the baby is healthy. On the other hand, I very nearly fell out with the friends, parents of two sons, who wrote in DS's baby congrats card that I'd got it right at last! angry

goodnightdarthvader1, one of my neighbours, on hearing that I was expecting DC3, said "Can you afford it?". And another commented that she didn't need to have more than one child to fulfil herself as a woman. In fact, scrap what I said about people not meaning to be rude! grin

OrionsAccessory Fri 20-Nov-15 18:45:33

I've got two girls and pg with dc3 now. I've had lots of people telling me 'you'll be hoping for a boy this time' I usually just say we're hoping for a baby that likes sleeping but we're not that bothered about what it's genitals look like! My father in law has gone on about how much he's sure this ones a boy that I now want it to be a girl just to prove him wrong grin

dontaskdonttell Fri 20-Nov-15 18:47:45

I accept that most people aren't intending to be rude, I just can't imagine how they think it's ok to say it, or maybe they realise immediately and feel stupid! Even my midwife, in our first contact (a phone call) said "I bet you're hoping for a girl this time" when I told her I had 2 boys!

And I've got another 26 weeks of this.....

MissBattleaxe Fri 20-Nov-15 18:47:46

How refreshing. I thought this was going to be a gender disappointment thread. It's lovely that you're just excited about meeting your baby OP. I wish you oodles of joy and happiness.

MissBattleaxe Fri 20-Nov-15 18:48:58

Oh and a relative of DH's said "Aww, never mind" when I told her I was having a 2nd boy. But I was just thrilled to be pregnant again.

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