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8 weeks and struggling to keep it secret at work

(15 Posts)
MaybeBabyOct2015 Thu 19-Nov-15 18:30:03


Not sure if other people are having this issue and can offer some advice? I'm 8+2 weeks pregnant and have been experiencing symptoms since 3+5weeks. I had severe cramps and spotting so had to go for an early scan at 6 weeks so I've told my manager and a colleague I work closely with so they understand why I've been going to appointments etc.

This last week the nausea has got really bad so I've been pretty quiet at work and my eating habits have changed. I've also been wearing sea bands to help with the nausea and now people on my team are starting to question why I'm acting differently. sad one person actually asked me today if I was pregnant. It was quietly but amongst the team so I quickly said no.

I really don't want to tell people yet as I'm so worried things might go wrong and it's still 4 weeks until I can have the 12 week scan sad however, I'm also worried that rumours might start, especially as I'm going to need more time off for tests etc and we have Christmas functions prior to 12 weeks.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this please?

MrsNikiC Thu 19-Nov-15 18:40:10

Must be awful for u. Hope the sickness doesn't last too long. I don't know how people do it. I work from home and still find it difficult.

In regards to Christmas functions and drinking, I'm planning to say about a week before that I'm experiencing toothache. Then my midwife appointment will be a 'dentist' appointment. I'm then going to say I have a slight gum infection and that I'm on antibiotics as u can't drink at all when you're on them. I'm also going to say that the tablets are making me feel really sick as I tend to get that as a side effect to antibiotics anyway.

It is so difficult to hide. Especially when you're so excited yourself!

MaybeBabyOct2015 Thu 19-Nov-15 19:20:30

Hi mrsN,

Thank you. I do wonder as well. There are a few women in the office that have had babies in the last few years as they never seemed to suffer a single symptom. I have people come over to talk to me and usually I would be really chatty but I'm sat there thinking 'please don't be sick, please don't be sick' as talking sometimes really makes me feel sick.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure I can use the dental issue for Christmas as I'm actually having issues with my tooth ATM. My wisdom tooth has been hurting for a few days. I'm hoping it's just because it's coming through a bit more but the pain doesn't seem to be improving so will probably need to go to dentist next week sad I'm hoping I can get away with just saying I'm driving to the office party as it would cost a fortune to get a taxi so I will actually need to drive so my husband can drink. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that no alcohol will be served with the lunches. Ugh roll on week 12!

TeamSteady Thu 19-Nov-15 19:30:46

Sorry to hear you're going through this.

I have no useful advice for you just sympathy.. altho the one thing i get is WTF do people ask someone else if they're pregnant in that sort of situation??

If the person isn't you've just implied they look awful/acting odd/look fat, and if they are then think about it- if they wanted you to know they would tell you!!!

(i may be slightly hormonal and irrational...)

bluewisteria Thu 19-Nov-15 19:36:17

Often accepting a glass of booze and having it in your hand without drinking works well. People tend to only notice if you refuse a drink rather than leaving it undrunk.

MrsNikiC Thu 19-Nov-15 19:37:01

Roll on week 12 indeed. Doesn't feel real to me until the first scan!

I have the team currently thinking I'm suffering from that seasonal disorder SAD. I'm using that to explain why I'm so tired and I've found that if I feel sick, as soon as I eat a slice of toast I'm completely fine. Hope u can find something that helps.



jamtartandcustard Thu 19-Nov-15 19:41:14

I once asked a colleague if she was expecting, jokingly, as I saw her wearing the anti-sickness bands. She was only 4 weeks at the time and hadn't even done a test yet, but it turned out she was and now has a beautiful baby girl.
In all fairness, if it's a colleague you trust to keep quiet then why not just be honest? Explain its early days so you don't want the world to know, but letting them know means you will have so much more support during those awful early weeks.

MaybeBabyOct2015 Thu 19-Nov-15 19:48:58

Lol. I do think it is bad of people to ask! Especially in such a public place, even if I wanted to tell her I could hardly do so at that point without causing a huge uproar as the people around would pick up on it sad

There was another lady on the team who has kids who subtly asked about the sea bands but she didn't push it when I just said I'd been feeling a bit grotty. People are so nosey though that's the trouble. You really would think it would dawn on them that people don't usually tell until 12 weeks so I will tell people when I'm ready. Grr.

Blue, I could try that actually. Just have my husbands glass in my hands at points so it looks like I'm drinking.

MrsN, I know what you mean. I have all they symptoms and I guess therefore feel pregnant but at the same time I still can't quite get my head around it. Still feels odd saying it out loud to people. Probably doesn't help that it was all so quick...I came off the pill at the beginning of September! Really expected for it to take longer. I'm sure it will start to sink in once we've had the 12 week scan and I'm not so distracted by the constant nausea. smile

MaybeBabyOct2015 Thu 19-Nov-15 20:42:00

Unfortunately, those that are starting to ask questions are ones I don't necessarily trust to keep it quiet. sad things tend to spread round the office like wildfire and whilst I think the majority would be ok, there are some that would be a nightmare about it and I just can't deal with comments right now. sad

Loki17 Thu 19-Nov-15 21:22:57

I had this today. I'm 6 weeks tomorrow but have struggled with morning sickness so people at work are noticing my turning white as a sheet and not eating anything sweet. I couldn't believe that she asked me directly. She asked in front of people too. I haven't told my dd or my mum or mil yet. I don't really want to tell other people before my nearest and dearest. I just don't think people should ask, it puts you on the spot!

Scoopmuckdizzy Thu 19-Nov-15 21:44:58

I'm 8 weeks too and looking forward to being able to tell people at work. My manager knows and is trying to be subtle but her voice does carry! I had my risk assessment this morning and she carried on chatting about changes that can be made to my desk to accommodate a bump in later pregnancy while we were walking back down the corridor towards my office.

I feel awful most days and sometimes I think it must be so obvious! Doesn't help that my DH works where I do and frequently wonders into my office to ask how I'm feeling or what he can bring me to eat.

I'm designated driver for the Christmas party but only planned to stay for the meal and then DH went and offered my services as a taxi driver to two other colleagues who live close by! I was pregnant at the work christmas party 4 years ago- it really isn't a place I'd choose to be sober for a long period of time.

Hope you begin to feel a bit brighter soon- it's hard work in the early days.

Vap0 Thu 19-Nov-15 23:42:02

maybe this is a massive problem for me at the min too with it being Xmas. I just made up an excuse taking clients out tonight about tooth ache and strong antibiotics and one of them knew we were trying and pulled me to one side and asked. I of course admitted it. We have our sales meeting next week where we have 2 incredibly boozy nights planned and a work Xmas do. I am normally the last one to bed and the 1st at the bar so any drink refusing will be difficult. I've told one of my colleagues, the most trustworthy so he can help me with drinks. I'll order the same as him and we will swap. Although I have started priming a very nosey colleague who I will not be telling with tooth ache over a week early so I can use the antibiotics line (when I had a mc her response was "oh well it was early wasn't it" what the actual fuck? Who would ever say anything like that to someone who has just gone through that grief) I know she will inappropriately ask me very loudly which will be really annoying and probably the 4th time she will have done it in front of colleagues! Not good as I would lose my job if they found out before I told them. In also scared to tell them in case I lose this one too and then I will certainly lose my job because they will know we are trying. I know this isn't all legal or allowed but they would work me out with unrelated reasons.

Argh! It's so difficult! Hope your illness doesn't last too long or you manage to get some coping mechanisms in place. If I can just make it through the next few weeks when all the work drinking is out of the way.

Kaytee1987 Fri 20-Nov-15 08:28:17

If you're fired for being pregnant sue the arse off your company!!x

MaybeBabyOct2015 Sat 21-Nov-15 22:08:47

Vap0, I cannot believe your workplace is like that, it's outrageous!!!! If that does happen you should definitely pursue an employment tribunal for constructive dismissal! If they start doing things to push you out keep the evidence,then citizens advice can help you put a case together. Fingers crossed it won't come to that and they will treat you properly. That woman who made the comment about the mc needs a good talking to (or a slap) how dare she say that about such a heartbreaking situation. sad pleased that you have a colleague that you can trust to support you.

Scoop, I haven't had a risk assessment yet - when do they have to do it. Our desks are all quite close to each other so hope my manage will wait until 12 weeks or it's going to be really obvious.

Added issues now as I've got my booking in appointment a week Monday and it's right in the middle of the day. It's bound to mean I'm out of the office for a good couple of hours so struggling to think of a reason to explain the absence to my colleagues. Don't really want to use up holiday when I'm entitled to the time off. sad my 12 weeks scan has now been booked in (after all of the work functions have finished! I think by that point I'm going to be very lucky to still have it secret but think I might say to my manager that as long as all is well in the scan we can tell people when I get back.

It's all so complicated though. I know it's nice of people to care but at this point I just want them to butt out and leave me alone. Lol.

Dileas29 Wed 25-Nov-15 19:51:02

I'm planning on saying I'm driving! That is if I'm pregnant. V faint line 3 days in a row

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