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DH as birth partner or looking after DS?!

(22 Posts)
April2013 Mon 16-Nov-15 16:56:52

We are unlucky on the childcare front, don't have anyone wonderful and reliable\trustworthy, so should I go with someone I'm not totally sure about or just give birth alone\with my mum so my DH can be with my DS? Are there any other options?

Finola1step Mon 16-Nov-15 16:58:31

Does your DH want to be at the birth?

April2013 Mon 16-Nov-15 17:02:09

Yes and I want him there too, but I think I will be worrying about my DS constantly unless he is with his Dad, I just so wish I had someone else I could trust but not lucky on that front unfortunately :\

ImperialBlether Mon 16-Nov-15 17:01:57

Why can't your mum mind your son?

April2013 Mon 16-Nov-15 17:02:39

She has been violent with me in the past and NC with inlaws

willconcern Mon 16-Nov-15 17:12:20

You say you could give birth with your mum. Can't she look after DS?

willconcern Mon 16-Nov-15 17:13:35

Oh sorry, missed your previous reply.

In that case, I wouldn't have her at the birth either.

Do you have any good friends? I have looked after various of my friends' children while they were in hospital having their subsequent children. Even middle of the night.

Fugghetaboutit Mon 16-Nov-15 17:14:39

I feel the same, what about DH parents?

EliGold Mon 16-Nov-15 17:15:29

Do you have a friend who could mind your DS? How old is your DS? What about a babysitter? How pregnant are you (do you have time to introduce new people to your DS)? I would not have your mother at the birth if you don't have a good relationship with her. What about a neighbour to mind your son? Other relations?

Fugghetaboutit Mon 16-Nov-15 17:17:24

If my mother was like that I would probably not want her anywhere tbh. I would rather give birth with just midwives and know that ds was ok

April2013 Mon 16-Nov-15 17:34:33

Theres a question mark over other friends \family for various reasons unfortunately too and recently moved to a new area so I think you are right - I will man up and deal with birth alone or with DH and DS in waiting room then at least as soon as have had the baby or incase of an emergency will be allowed visitors - I will speak to midwife about all that at next appointment and hopefully will get some reassurance about doing it alone. Thanks V much for your advice

April2013 Mon 16-Nov-15 17:36:22

He is 3 and due to start nursery in Jan so perhaps that would be a help during the day, will hope for a fast daytime labour!

readyforno2 Mon 16-Nov-15 17:54:37

Depending on when you are due you could consider asking one of the staff at the nursery? Some of the nurseries I have worked for haven't been keen on babysitting but this could be an option if you are really struggling.

CarrotPuff Mon 16-Nov-15 18:37:26

Can you have a home birth?

mrspuddleduckie Mon 16-Nov-15 19:19:10

I second the idea of a nursery worker being on call for nights and weekends - we've done this and it was an excellent solution

mrspuddleduckie Mon 16-Nov-15 19:19:35

(well paid of course, and with plenty of cash for ordering take aways)

LucyMouse Mon 16-Nov-15 19:34:30

In case of emergencies I would want DH with me. (Unless you have no one that you can genuinely trust to look after your DC)
Nursery worker/playgroup volunteer?

EliGold Mon 16-Nov-15 19:43:25

OP I don't think you have thought this through. What if you go into labour late at night? You don't want your DC aged 3 woken in the middle of the night and then in hospital waiting room as you call it. There won't be any staff at the hospital to look after him and your DH may need to be with you. There is no reason you can't find a babysitter now who is 'on call' for the birth to look after your son. is there really no relative, friend, paid child minder you could call on? When I had DC 2 I was taken seriously ill and DH could not have looked after DC1 and been with me. If you really are adamant there is no one then leave DH at home with DC1 and pay for a birthing partner like a Doula.

April2013 Mon 16-Nov-15 20:56:29

Thanks very much for all this advice, I guess I have got to the point where I'm starting to think about birth more than not really thinking about it at all as still early days\could have a miscarriage. It sounds like him starting nursery might be the key and you are right I need to have a plan for worst case. Thanks again

petalsandstars Tue 17-Nov-15 05:36:40

If you can get some money together you could arrange a doula for the birth then DH could look after your DS

jamtartandcustard Tue 17-Nov-15 19:22:27

I would look into a homebirth, then dp can stay with ds but also be with you at the same time. But if complications arise and you need to be transferred into hospital then you just go it alone. You are never really alone though, the midwives stay with you always and are amazing. I gave birth to my dc2 alone, it's really not all that bad

CuppaSarah Tue 17-Nov-15 22:23:57

When I was nursery staff, I would have been absolutely honoured to be asked to watch one of my key children when their sibling was born. I think most would! Plus the novelty factor will make it a really exciting experience for your DS. Even for a home birth it would make sense to have someone around for DS in case it's during the day or he wakes. You don't want to have to worry about him being looked after.

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