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DH only going to be off for one week after birth of dc3.

(19 Posts)
olaflikeswarmhugs Fri 13-Nov-15 19:12:33

I feel like I'm being a bit short changed.

He's just started a new job so isn't entitled to paternity leave and will have only accrued 1.5 weeks annual leave.

I knew he wouldn't get paternity leave but thought he'd be able to take a couple weeks holiday. I don't know how I'll manage with him out the house the job was supposed to be weekdays but he's only been there 3 weeks and already has doing late nights and weekends. I'm just so worriedsad

MaisieDotes Fri 13-Nov-15 19:41:57

Oh no sad What ages are your other two?

I have a similar-ish situation coming up in Jan. I'm also due my 3rd baby, but DD is 14 so fairly self-sufficient- although not by any means an adult! Then I have DS who will be 17 months.

DH is self-employed so he won't be taking leave as such- he says he will but the reality is he'll be out in the morning setting up his staff on jobs and then probably picking them up every evening too. In between he's taking work calls and emails so generally distracted. It's our livelihood so i have to suck it up, but I'd love to just have a block of time where we could bed in as a family and just adjust to the new baby.

The only saving grace is that Jan / Feb tend to be a bit quieter for him but then again last year he was busy all through.

Have you any other support- family etc?

olaflikeswarmhugs Fri 13-Nov-15 20:17:46

They are 10 and 3. I do have a supportive family but everyone works. Tbh it's the mornings that are worrying me having to get dd to school ds to nursery all with a newborn a week after giving birth.

DH is really upsetting me because he thinks he's the one that's hard done by but he's forgetting what it's leaving me with sad

kimberly1 Fri 13-Nov-15 22:04:00

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SevenOhTwo Sat 14-Nov-15 19:20:44

Any chance you could get an au pair, or a mother's help? I'm due dc3 in April when the others will be 5 and 3 and DP will be working away Mon-Thurs, with no family support where we live, so au pair is my plan - the 20hrs work they can do should cover morning school/nursery runs and bedtimes, which I'm anticipating as crisis points!

If that's not an option I think you'll just have to draft in as much help as you can for the first few months - another school mum who can take 10yo to school for a bit? A friend who can take a day off work to help you out one day? Anyone who can offer older dcs play dates after school/nursery and/or drop them home?

PennyHasNoSurname Sat 14-Nov-15 19:24:54

Has he asked about taking two weeks annual leave? I really dont know anywhere that says you can only use leave once accrued - surely that would mean no one able to take annual leave within the first month or two of the holiday calendar?

When are you due?

QforCucumber Sat 14-Nov-15 19:45:41

penny sadly that's exactly how my workplace are - i'm due to go on maternity in march and our holiday year runs Jan to Dec - theyve said I can only take 1 week holiday prior to leave as won't have accrued ebough.
Op it's worth checking if he gets any additional benefits with it, dp started a new job in October and though he won't have paternity leave his contract states a weeks paid 'maternity support leave' for all full time staff irrelevant of how long theyve been there.

Micah Sat 14-Nov-15 19:51:07

Happened to us- new job, no leave.

Dh took two days off, one for the birth and one to bring us home from hospital.

It was fine. He arranged to be in a little late so he could drop dc1 at nursery, so I had the day to deal with the baby.

Mulligrubs Sat 14-Nov-15 19:51:23

I had an ELCS for DC2 3 weeks ago. I also have a 23 month old. My DH is self employed so when he doesn't work we don't get any money. He took a week off. Yeah it was hard, it's still hard now he's been back at work 2 weeks but I managed. No family help either. So I can totally understand why you're worrying with regards to the school run etc. Any family that can help you? I am managing but it has been tough, so although I hope you can find more help it is doable

strawberrypenguin Sat 14-Nov-15 19:51:24

Could you afford for him to take unpaid leave for a week on top of that? Has he asked if this is an option?

RandomMess Sat 14-Nov-15 19:56:49

I thought he would be entitled to unpaid paternity leave still? Was he not working elsewhere before?

QforCucumber Sat 14-Nov-15 20:04:58

random nope, to qualify for any form of paternity leave you must have been with the same employer continuously for the 26 weeks at the 15th week before due date.

RandomMess Sat 14-Nov-15 20:14:40

sad doesn't say that on gov.uk just says employed continuously - not quite the same thing sad

Has he asked about unpaid leave?

ImperialBlether Sat 14-Nov-15 20:21:47

Could he take those holidays as 3 weeks working just afternoons? He could take the kids to school etc and get something ready for dinner and tidy around etc. Make himself useful!

olaflikeswarmhugs Sat 14-Nov-15 20:22:17

Thanks for the replies.

He hasn't asked yet about unpaid leave we will have a think and see if it is doable for him to maybe take another week unpaid.

Everywhere I've worked you can take your AL whenever you like but everywhere DH has worked you can only take what you've so far accrued. I guess it's different for different industries.

QforCucumber Sat 14-Nov-15 20:26:14

www.gov.uk/paternity-pay-leave/eligibility - says in there 'must have worked for your employer continuously for 26 weeks by the 15th week before'

It sucks, I also believe self employed dad's to be should get some leave too, mums get MA so personally think dad's should get at least 1 week in that situation.

olaf it is worth h'm asking, if you can afford it, if he could take a week unpaid leave.
Or would he be able to work 2 days a week in the 2 weeks after the birth and the other 3 days as holiday? If you could get family help for those 2 days he could take the rest of the time off with you?

I feel for you, this is only our first and I'm worried about what if's!

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal Sun 15-Nov-15 13:17:02

If it's mainly the mornings, then perhaps your DH can arrange a slightly later start time, and have a shorter lunch to compensate?

Skiptonlass Sun 15-Nov-15 13:28:15

Any chance he can work from home a couple of days a week?

My dh does this a couple of days a week, He often has very late or early meetings but being at home means he's here between meetings.

Might not be an option but if you can prove he'll be working just as much and be totally contactable, then they may allow it?

redexpat Sun 15-Nov-15 13:32:40

Is a later start possible? Anyone know the legalities of flexible working?

Does the 10yo have any friends nearby he can walk to school with?

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