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34, Newly Single and Scared

(13 Posts)
gemmagrace Fri 06-Nov-15 13:41:39

My long term boyfriend dropped me like a hot cake about a month ago! Now i'm scared i'm 34 and i've missed my chance of having a child.

Has anyone else been in this situation and still found their happy ever after?

brookeberry Fri 06-Nov-15 14:17:20

You have absolutely not missed your chance of having a child! You're a baby!

When I had a relationship end at the age of 38 (no children) I felt how you felt x ten. I thought, oh well, that's that, just me FOREVER. When I was just starting to enjoy life again with friends, work etc, I met the man I would marry - a huge shock to me. I'm now 42 and 17 weeks pregnant.

You have time. Be happy with what you have, live your life, and you never know what might be round the corner. smile

Brummiegirl15 Fri 06-Nov-15 14:23:57

I'm 39 and 28 weeks pregnant with my first child. Didn't meet my partner until I was 36. Before that I was single for 8 years!!!

It's defo not too late!

My advice is you never know what is happening in other people lives that make them cross paths with you. I was set up with DP by a dear friend.

But before he met me he was in a long term relationship. 6 months after they split, we got together an I knew I was madly in love with him on the first date

Do not lose faith!!! Live your life. Things happen when you live your life

roseformyrose Fri 06-Nov-15 14:50:38

Don't give up hope.

I had a relationship end in a devastating way when I was nearly 35 and was terrified it would be too late for me. 2.5 years later and I'm in the best relationship of my life with an amazing man and am 32 weeks pregnant. I'd known him for nearly 10 years before but we were never both single at the same time.

Good luck in finding your happy ever after.

cloudjumper Fri 06-Nov-15 15:03:33

Calm down, you have loads of time! I only decided to have children when I was 37, had DS at 39 and am now pg with DS2 at 43.

Like others have said, things happen when they happen. Enjoy your life!

CityMole Fri 06-Nov-15 15:06:42

I'm 39, and I'll be having my first child in spring when I will be 40. We had no fertility issues- quite the opposite as this is a surprise baby (we had planned to ttc next year, but this little one jumped the gun for us)!

I've been with my partner for nearly 3 years. Prior to that I had a failed marriage which ended when I was 31, and another long term relationship which ended when I was 35. I did have the odd fleeting worry about having a child, but did not allow myself to swell on it, because that way lies utter madness.

It takes some of us a little longer to meet the right person, but it's worth getting it right. And surely better now for you to have a chance of finding somebody who wants to be with you long term?

I don 't know if you have a medical history that is making you worry so prematurely, but the law of averages says that you have some years until you really need to start worrying about this. In the meantime, you should try to relax and work on mending your broken heart (I am so sorry btw. It sounds like an awful shock). flowers

gemmagrace Fri 06-Nov-15 17:01:01

Thank you so much ladies, these replies really are making me feel optimistic. I guess all sorts go through your head when you are completely heartbroken and the man you thought you were to spend rest of your life with decides he doesn't want you in his life anymore and discard everything we talked of for our future in favor of a playboy lifestyle.

I do worry a little more I guess as my mum had gone through her menopause by the age of 40 but she says this may have been caused through being sterilized so it may not be a genetic cause and therefore may not have an effect on my fertility.

Thank you so much to everyone that took the time to respond.

CityMole Fri 06-Nov-15 17:20:33

Urgh, he sounds like a prick and that you are well rid. At least he is having his midlife crisis now, before you are married/ with kids! And even if he is a good guy that has just lost his way- he aint your problem any more!

It's dead normal to catastrophise when you are hurt and going through a period of adjustment, and I can understand that- especially if your mum's experience at 40 is weighing on your mind.

My mum had actually warned me that she was perimenopausal by 40 (she had me at 22) but it hasn't made a blind bit of difference to me getting knocked up by accident at 39.5! grin

If you do have fertility concerns, then speak to your GP. but otherwise, try to heal your heart. Some of the happiest love stories start from sad times like your recent experience flowers

brookeberry Fri 06-Nov-15 18:00:00

PS My mum hit the menopause at 40, but neither I or my sister have!

Hope you feel better smile

gemmagrace Fri 06-Nov-15 18:23:03

Yep he went out and bought the big car, is now searching to buy flash pads instead of our family home, being a party monster and already trying to 'tap up' younger girls (yep I read his emails stupidly) so it has crossed my mind he may be having an early mid life crisis! Ah well as you say CityMole he's not my problem anymore, I just wish he'd get the hell out of my mind ha!

So comforting to know you both have not had any problems with fertility and sounds like you are both amazingly happy so that is very lovely to hear, thank you.

Hughpughbarneymagrew Fri 06-Nov-15 19:08:38

Don't feel that way. I met my husband at 34, after both being single for years. We are expecting our first child age 37. Got pregnant in 8 weeks of TTC. I think our relationship is much stronger for having met later, we've both got more life experience and a better idea of how to make it work.

TinyMonkey Fri 06-Nov-15 20:29:34

Dumped (after eight years together) at 32, single for five years, met partner at 37, pregnant at 38 and 40, one gorgeous daughter who is almost one, and planning on trying again next year when I'll be 42.

The only advice I have is to grieve for your relationship, but then move the fuck on. I got stick in a rut and wasted five years being all sadface about my ex and having pointless one night stands and flings.

gemmagrace Sat 07-Nov-15 11:37:03

I love that.......'move the fuck on'!!!!!

I definitely need to especially after only one month he's telling everyone how much he is loving single life and how amazing life is despite knowing the hurt he has caused me. It's just so heartbreaking to know that someone you dedicated yourself too can throw you to the kerb and act as if you never even existed and not even want to check on you to make sure you are ok. Do these men have no heart or emotions?

Anyway enough of wallowing in my own self pity! Need to get me to the gym and do some bum lifting squats!!!! ;)

Happy Weekend Ladies.

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