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Manager told everyone

(11 Posts)
DisneyMillie Mon 02-Nov-15 12:44:32

I'm 12 weeks pregnant Wednesday but I don't have my scan until next week. I'd been getting some pressure from a manager who knows at work to tell our bosses but I didn't really want to given I miscarried earlier this year. Just came back off holiday to find they've told everyone. I was ok with her about it but I'm feeling a little pissed off - am I being unreasonable?

strawberrypenguin Mon 02-Nov-15 12:46:17

Not unreasonable at all and I would be taking it higher with a formal complaint if I were you.

Everythinggettingbigger Mon 02-Nov-15 12:48:05

its your news to share when you like, you are not being unreasonable I would be totally pissed off!

Klaptrap Mon 02-Nov-15 13:53:29

Absolutely not unreasonable - I would go to HR and complain. If you had asked for it to be kept private then that is completely out of order. She shouldn't have been putting any pressure on you either.

I'm in a similar position - although not as far on as you yet - and my manager has been really good at only telling the bare minimum of people (I have also miscarried before so very nervous) - I would be very upset if she told everyone without my permission.

Augustina123 Mon 02-Nov-15 16:03:53

As far as I understand it, you're ony required to tell work much later on in the pregnancy (15 weeks before EDD). If you choose to tell them beforehand, however, they can do as risk assessment on your situation and are then obliged to take all reasonable steps to prevent you and the baby from harm. This might be useful and people other than your direct line manager might have to be involved in this process (for me, it was HR), but they definitely ought to check with you before passing any personal information like this to anyone else.

I had told my line manager after having missed a week of work at Week 6 when it looked as if I was miscarrying, but he's very good about it and kept it strictly to himself. I was then having a bit of a rough time with sickness etc. and was missing the occasional day at work again, so he asked my permission to speak to HR about how to handle these sick days. Subsequently, HR did a risk assessment with me and I'm feeling re-assured and actually looked after.

I have also told the two assistants who work with me because Ive been 'ill' on and off and they had to pick up a lot of my work and I wasn't really being a good and reliable line manager either, so I wanted them to know why this was and that it might well continue for a little while yet. They were both very sweet and excited. :-) Neither my boss nor I have told anyone else in my team.

I think you're rightly unhappy about this, and I would consider bringing it up with the manager in question directly and/or the HR department.

QforCucumber Mon 02-Nov-15 16:13:31

Have they told everyone, or have they told their own bosses and passed the details higher up the chain?

I was annoyed about the latter occurring about 10 weeks ago, until I realised that my manager needed to tell her manager for risk assessment, insurance and appraisal purposes (can't exactly tell your boss off if you're constantly at the toilet being sick if they know the reason why)

DisneyMillie Mon 02-Nov-15 16:20:32

They told HR previously as I had a couple of days off with potential problems and I'm fine with that.

This was telling several of our bosses as it made sorting out projects easier for the future. I understand why but I can't help feeling a bit put out still. I could quit with much less notice and they'd have to deal with workloads.

I think I'll just mention directly to the person to please not say anything else (work were so good and supportive about mc I don't want to make a fuss). But I don't want to have other people know until after next week - my DPs parents haven't even been told yet!!

Augustina123 Mon 02-Nov-15 17:33:13

I still think that even if there are legitimate, work-related reasons (i.e., sorting out future projects), they ought to ask your permission first. Definitely bring it up with the person directly if you're feeling up to doing that. Hope she'll understand (if not, I would still consider speaking to HR about it).

princesspineapple Mon 02-Nov-15 18:24:20

This happened to me too... Told my boss at 8 weeks due to sickness and explained that after my past mcs I wanted to keep things quiet until the scan... Not only did she tell everyone more senior than me, but she told them all to pretend they didn't know because it might not work out!
I used to work in HR so I know it's a formal complaint matter... But our company is small, and the lack of professionalism is a symptom of that, so I have no idea how to go about a complaint without showing myself up!
I know I'm not taking my own advice, but if you have a good HR department, please make a complaint! If yours is as bad as mine... you have my sympathy... and good luck either way! flowers

1frenchfoodie Mon 02-Nov-15 20:55:14

Happened to me too. Told line manager and asked him not to tell others as it was pre 12wk scan and I wanted a HR response on impact on a future project. He told a new member of the team and she then congratulated me in front of the whole team. I was infuriated and took up with him - he said he didn't expect her to let on she knew. Not the point but I let it lie as there was little I could do.

Memyselfandthatotherperson Mon 02-Nov-15 20:58:25

My manager did this too - to a room full of coworkers when I was away at a conference. I was fuming. Should have complained but I didn't want the hassle.!

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